Category Archives: Lessons Learned

The Millionaire Next Door

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At my mother’s suggestion, I listened to the abridged version (144 minutes) of this book rather than the 18-hour version. In some ways, it still was too long. You get the main idea from the beginning.

Since, like most people, I wouldn’t mind being a millionaire, I found it interesting that those with million-dollar salaries (sports figures, etc.) are rarely millionaires: although they live a “high life,” they have very little “wealth.” In other words, millionaires don’t live the lifestyles we might think we’d want to live if we earned a high income.

The premise of this book is that lifestyle that makes a difference to whether or not one becomes a millionaire (one with lots of wealth), and anyone making $60,000 a year can become a millionaire by adjusting lifestyle.

Here are the common factors that millionaires (those who “successfully build wealth”) share (I’ve merged those that I think relate):

1 and 3: They live well below their means and they believe financial independence is more important than displaying social status.

Obviously, living well below one’s means is easier to do with a high income. But even with a high income, most millionaires function on a well-thought-out budget. Most millionaires also live in a house in an average neighborhood, drive a four-year-old used car, shop at Sears and Penney’s (not Saks Fifth Avenue and Nordstrom) and live unassuming lives. Most millionaires only wear suits they purchased at a discount and eat low-cost food (rather than expensive wine).

2: They allocate their time, energy, and money efficiently, in ways conducive to building wealth.

For example, they do not waste time “playing the stock market” but carefully figure out what they know about and invest in that. Here’s another example that they didn’t give but that I assume: they don’t waste their time and money with the lottery or gambling.

4: Their parents did not provide economic outpatient care (i.e., parents did not provide substantial cash gifts to their children).

Hmmm. No help from parents? Darn.

5: Their adult children are economically self-sufficient.

In other words, they know what they do to live frugally and were able to teach frugality; they’re kids don’t expect to live a high lifestyle, funded by their parents.

6 and 7: They are proficient in targeting market opportunities and they choose the right occupation.

I didn’t actually pay much attention to these sections — it was the end of two hours of listening. But obviously, some occupations have more promise than others (although I think it’s also important that one chooses an occupation that he or she enjoys).

In all, I enjoyed this reminder that a high income and winning the lottery are not guarantees to wealth: slow and steady wins the race. Maybe there is hope for the rest of us!

Home Again

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Before I left Australia for our visit to the United States, I was telling my friends that I was I finally going home.

Then we spent 19 days living out of suitcases, living in other peoples’ houses, and driving other peoples’ cars. We enjoyed overwhelming hospitality and we had a lovely time visiting with family. But now, 20 days later, I can honestly say that I am finally home.

Home is no longer where my parents live — it’s where my family lives. And my family is now my husband and child.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

I am so glad for this aspect of Heavenly Father’s plan, for I truly feel that my husband and I are one.

That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us — that they may be one, even as we are one. (John 17:21-22)

I realize that the Savior is speaking of our becoming one with the Father. However, I feel myself becoming unified with my husband in a similar manner. I understand how the Father and the Son are one, even though they are two beings: my husband and I have become one, even though we are two people. I understand how the Father wants our relationship with Him to be. United in purpose: One.

Moving across the world and having a child brought me closer to my husband. I found that traveling for 19 days also did. And now we are home again. Home. United: One.

The Opposite of an Epiphany

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Epiphany, noun; 3 a (1): a usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something (2): an intuitive grasp of reality through something (as an event) usually simple and striking (3): an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure b: a revealing scene or moment

When I was a young girl, my family went to Nauvoo at least once a year. I was very familiar with the shops and houses and streets, and every visit, a little bit more was developed to be like Old Nauvoo. I enjoyed those visits.

We always started at the Visitors’ Center. We’d watch the orientation video and we’d go on a tour. I was always impressed by a particular display stand. It was a display of the golden plates underneath some glass. A plaque next to the display said something like this:

The Golden Plates: Joseph Smith translated the writings on the golden plates into what became the Book of Mormon.

When I was 14 or 15, I was sitting in a Sunday school class. We were talking about church history. I don’t recall what the subject was on that particular day, but it occurred to me: the plates in the Nauvoo Visitors’ Center were not the real golden plates. It was a moment of realization: “I can’t believe I just figured that out.”

I can’t bring myself to call it an epiphany because the result was realizing how ridiculous my prior understanding had been. It wasn’t an “intuitive grasp”; it was a “wow, I’m slow” moment. So I’ll call it an “opposite of an epiphany.”

I had another “opposite of an epiphany” the other day. I was singing Paul a song about Noah and telling him about all the animals he put on the ark. When I got to kangaroos, I stopped.

“Wait a minute,” I said. “Kangaroos are native to Australia alone. How did Noah get kangaroos in the Middle East?”

My husband Looked at me. “What do you think? Do you really think Noah took two of every single species of animal on the ark?”

And then I had the same feeling as when I realized the golden plates aren’t in the Visitors’ Center: Noah’s story, and the entire Bible, is of one people in one nation. We don’t really have to take it completely literally.

Of course, it doesn’t matter where the real golden plates are. My testimony of the translation doesn’t depend on the physical plates. It’s the same thing with Noah. Did Noah take kangaroos on the ark? Did the Lord cover 197 million square miles (the entire surface of the earth) with water? I don’t know. Yes, it’s true that “With God, nothing shall be is impossible” (Luke 1:37), but in this particular story, I don’t think it happened literally and it really doesn’t matter if it did or not. My testimony doesn’t depend on it.

On my last visit to Nauvoo, I didn’t see the golden plates display; the Visitors’ Center has been completely reorganized since I was a young girl.

But these “opposite of an epiphany” moments are reminding me that I have a lot of growing up to do: Was I really an adult before I realized that? What other things am I not realizing?

Have you had any “opposite of an epiphany” moments?

Healing

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The surgeon cut me open four times. Three cuts were half an inch. The last was one inch. He removed one of my organs (my gallbladder) through one of them.

For one week, I left the waterproof bandages on. I had bled, and the bandages were weary. My muscles were sore, like someone had punched me in the gut. I rested. But then I stood up. I swept the floor. I picked up my baby, and I went to the grocery store. I lived.

After one week, a nurse removed the bandages and the stitches.

Now, four bright red lines mark the spots. The skin has come together. There is no more blood oozing, there is no more pain. My body has healed itself.

As I look at my week-old wounds, I think one word: Miracle. My body is a miracle.

Your body, whatever its natural gifts, is a magnificent creation of God. It is a tabernacle of flesh–a temple for your spirit. A study of your body attests to its divine design.

Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend.

Mosiah 4:9

Watching my body heal has strengthened my testimony of God’s majesty.

Lesson 3: The Fall of Adam and Eve

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Sometimes I think it would be nice to live in a world with no sickness, no sorrow, and no pain. What would such a world be like?

I’ll begin with the trivial: I wouldn’t be uncomfortably hot during the summer. Now, on hot days, I hope for a short summer and early autumn. Of course, I wouldn’t have any uncomfortably cold wintery days either. But, without the extreme weather, I wouldn’t appreciate spring and autumn weather. By eliminating unpleasant weather, pleasant weather gets very boring.

Then I think about a world void of sicknesses and pain. I’ve always been healthy and lacked major health problems. That has changed in the past four months. (Having a baby helps your body fall apart, I guess.) I would love to eliminate pain and sickness from my life! Ironically, though, it is only now that I’ve regularly experienced ill health that I recognize what a blessing it was to have had good health. Every day that I am not ill is a very good day (there still are plenty of those), and some days I feel great! By being ill, I appreciate so much more being well. (However, I really do look forward to not being ill on a regular basis.)

It might sound nice initially, but a world without sickness, sorrow, pain, and sin would lack all enjoyment as well.

In the beginning, Adam and Eve lived in such a world.

When they were first placed there, they were given two commandments:

  1. Multiply and replenish the earth (Genesis 1:28)
  2. Don’t partake of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil (Genesis 2:16-17)

And here lies the most complex irony: because the garden was a place of innocence, Adam and Eve couldn’t fulfill the first commandment without breaking the second.

When Adam and Eve did choose to partake of the fruit, they committed a transgression, not a sin. Because there was nothing inherently wrong with partaking of the fruit, it was not a sin to partake of it, even though it was a commandment not to.

I like this comparison: A parent tells a child to never cross the street. Does the parent have a reason for the rule? Yes. But is it inherently wrong to cross the street? No. At some point in his life, the child needs to cross the street.

Eve had a dilemma. She had to choose to sacrifice her painless world of innocence in order to gain experience and to bear children. She did not know what the experience would be because she’d never before experienced it. No human had experienced it. It’s hard to choose to experience the unknown. And yet, she wanted to gain experience and she wanted to raise children.

I feel close to her dilemma. A little more than three months ago, I went through incredible pains to bring a child into the world. It was horrible. I thought I was going to die. I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to give up. Why can’t we have children without the pain?

Well, that’s not the plan, and I’m not talking about the lack of drugs. (I imagine childbirth is still quite painful with drugs.) There is much pain in raising a child, beyond childbirth. The plan of our Heavenly Father is to learn from experience. Experience sometimes entails fear and pain, but it also includes incredible happiness. There is supposed to be opposition as we experience the good.

Eve could only bear children by giving up innocence. I can’t speak for Eve, but because I went through that painful experience of childbirth:

  • I have the most beautiful, perfect little boy to raise.
  • I learned a lot about my abilities to do what I have to do.
  • I gained an incredible spiritual closeness to my Heavenly Father.
  • I am learning every day from my child.

I think childbirth is an incredible miracle. But it required going through a very challenging experience. It required that I not live in a perfect world, void of pain and sorrow.

Adam [and Eve] fell that man [and woman] might be, and men [and women] are that they might have joy. 2 Nephi 2:25

I’m grateful for the Fall of Adam and Eve. It meant I could come to earth. It meant I can bear children. It meant that I can have my joy multiplied as I Experience. And truly, my family is my greatest joy.

Lesson 3 of 45

The Mind of a Genius

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Even at his death, Albert Einstein was regarded as someone with an incredible brain: the pathologist performing the autopsy decided, without asking permission, to embalm Einstein’s brain. For years, he kept the brain and drove around the United States touring with it. A few studies were done on the brain to try to determine what made Einstein a genius, but little has been proven scientifically. Eventually, in the late 1990s, Einstein’s brain was returned to the Einstein family (see Epilogue, p 544-551).

In reading Einstein: His Life and Universe by Walter Isaacson, I’ve likewise been intrigued by Einstein’s genius. Why is it we equate “Einstein” with “genius”? What made him so smart? It seems clear to me that, as Isaacson opines in his conclusion, Einsteins genius was in his mind and not necessarily his brain.

Albert Einstein was a very bright student. He excelled in elementary school classes and consistently got top grades as he grew up. However, he had contempt for authority, which led to leaving high school early — it is uncertain whether he left of his own accord or was encouraged to leave. Regardless, he was a high school dropout (p 23). He tutored himself to be able to enter the academy (p 24). Then, once he entered the Zurich Polytechnic, he again acted impudently. For example, he felt the mathematics professor was disappointing. He didn’t hide his disdain and he often missed classes (p 34). Einstein was fourth in his graduating class of five (p 48), partially due to his poor attendance in his classes.

Ironically, because of his contempt for authority, he may have been better prepared for his “thought experiments.” Because he thought things through on his own so much (outside of a teacher’s structured lectures), he was able to see the world in a different way than had been accepted by the scientific community. Also, because his poor performance and poor recommendations hindered his job prospects, he was working in a patent office and brainstorming theoretical physics during his free time; had he been working as a professor, he may have been forced to tame his ideas to fit the temper of the university at which he was working. Einstein’s young impudence provided him with a setting in which to question the world.

His former mathematics professor later said to him, “You’re a very clever boy. But you have one great fault: you’ll never let yourself be told anything” (p 34). While youthful insolence certainly is not enviable, the ability to freshly question others and the world certainly aided Einstein to greatness.

When the already-famous Einstein visited the United States in 1921, Thomas Edison was an old man. Edison was a practical man, and he believed colleges were too theoretical. He had produced a 150 question test as a job application, which contained questions such as How is leather tanned? and What country consumes the most tea? (p 299).

When Einstein arrived in New York, a reporter presented him with a question from Edison’s test: What is the speed of sound? Einstein, of course, could easily understand the speed of sound. His response to the test, however, was that he did not “carry such information in my mind since it is readily available in books.” Einstein recognized that genius was not “the learning of many facts but the training of the mind to think” (p 299). He didn’t spend his time memorizing things he could look up: he spent his time thinking. His willingness to think led him to his observations of the world that opened up new branches in science.

Why did this make him famous? When Einstein’s son Eduard was young, he asked his father just that.

“When a blind beetle crawls over the surface of a curved branch, it doesn’t notice that the track it has covered is indeed curved,” Einstein replied. “I was lucky enough to notice what the beetle didn’t notice” (p 196).

Einstein’s response simplifies the concept that gravity curves the fabric of our world, a concept for which he was famous. However, it is also a good explanation of what made him a genius: he was able to comprehend concepts that had never been contemplated before. He was able to ponder concepts that challenge our understanding of the very nature of the universe, laws of nature that had been accepted widely since Newton.

I imagine that studying his brain further will not have revealed much difference from other human brains. In reading about his life and learning about the science he put voice to (much of which I still don’t quite understand), I believe that his physical brain was probably nothing special. What made Albert Einstein a genius was his unwillingness to simply accept what was given him (his resistance), his willingness to think rather than simply memorize, and his ability to comprehend new concepts. Indeed, an open mind created his greatness.

It’s not often that observations by one person change our understanding of the world, as Einstein’s observations changed physics. However, I believe that as others emulate Einstein’s open mind, they too may find their genius.

Surely, there is, to some extent, genius within each of us as well.

Further reading for me:

  • Abraham, Carolyn. Possessing Genius.
  • Aczel, Amir. God’s Equation: Einstein, Relativity, and the Expanding Universe.
  • Hawking, Stephen. A Brief History of Time.
  • Paterniti, Michael. Driving Mr. Albert.

The Need to be an Optimist

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I have recently observed that I am very pessimistic. I worry about my son dying of SIDS (chance: 50 of 100,000). I worry about the car falling off the edge of the mountain as we drive around sharp corners. I worry about a rock piercing the car tire and leaving us stranded in the middle of nowhere. (Can a rock even do that?)

And yet, as Boyd K. Packer said (Ensign, November 1977),

Somewhere there is a message in the protest of a man who said: “You can’t tell me worry doesn’t help. The things I worry about never happen.”

By extension, then, the things I do not worry about do happen.

This is our garage ceiling the day before we left town for our Christmas vacation:

IMG_6265LR[1]

Apparently, three days of spring rain flowed through a leak in our roof. The buildup of water subsequently leaked through the ceiling and collapsed through the dry wall in a big gush of water.

There has been another Disaster recently, this one involving a litre of vegetable oil in the trunk of the car. I don’t want to talk about it.

Whatever is going to happen will happen, whether or not I agonize about it first. I really ought to let go. Life will be more pleasant. And then I wont be afraid to live and take chances. (My “chances” will be within reason, of course. I am still me, after all; I am conservative in the risks I take.) I need to be realistic in the things I think about and concern myself with what is important.

Therefore, my first New Years goal is to not worry. I promise I won’t post pessimistic things on this webpage. And I’m going to let go of my worries. It’s time I embrace optimism or, at the very least, realism.

Comfort Food

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Last week I felt very efficient. I cleaned the whole apartment from top to bottom and cooked dinner every night. Saturday night I made a turkey dinner and we entertained. I felt very good.

This week has been kind of blah. Monday was raining. Tuesday I felt unwell. Wednesday Paul got his first immunizations so he was very unhappy and sore. Thursday I spent the day filling out insurance paperwork. I haven’t been very good at cleaning, and since I didn’t do a big shopping trip on Saturday, I can only cook what I can buy and carry in the stroller, so I’ve done some easy things.

Last night I made Macaroni and Cheese. I think of it as a comfort food because it is so easy to make. I make sure I have a block of cheddar cheese and macaroni in the house so I can make it when I’m in a pinch for a yummy dinner.

I thought I’d share the recipe. (And yes, it is so much better than Kraft.)

Easy Macaroni and Cheese

Ingredients

    500 g (1 lb) macaroni, cooked
    1 cup grated sharp Cheddar cheese
    1 cup bread crumbs
Cheese Sauce Ingredients
    4 Tbsp butter
    4 Tbsp flour
    2 1/2 cups milk, heated
    Salt
    Pepper
    Pinch of cayenne pepper
    1 cup grated sharp Cheddar cheese

Directions

    Prepare cheese sauce as follows: Melt the butter in a heavy-bottomed saucepan. Stir in the flour and cook, stirring constantly, until the paste cooks and bubbles a bit, but don’t let it brown, about 2 minutes. Add the hot milk, continuing to stir as the sauce thickens. Bring it to a boil. Add salt and pepper to taste, lower the heat, and cook, stirring for 2 to 3 minutes more. Stir in 1 cup grated Cheddar cheese during the last 2 minutes of cooking, along with a pinch of cayenne pepper. Remove from heat.

Here’s what I’ve learned in making this dish. First, if I accidentally add too much flour, I’ll have to start over. I’ve made this dish a few times so I guess I was feeling confident at my estimating. But I accidentally put in way too much and I could tell right away it would never blend together. I dumped it out and started again.

Second, if I don’t cook the roux long enough, the sauce will not thicken. I missed that the first time or two. I just had a milky cheese sauce. How do you know when the roux is cooked long enough? I’m still trying to figure it out. My husband says it smells “nutty.” I guess so, but how do you really define that? Last night, I thought I didn’t cook it long enough because the sauce wasn’t thickening. I was going to give it five more minutes and then start over with a new roux. But then it thickened up, so I didn’t have to.

Third, I should have used whole milk! We had some in the fridge, but I didn’t think of it until after I’d added skim milk. Oh well.

Fourth, I should make sure I put in salt and pepper! The first time I omitted them. I think I used to be afraid of putting them in, for any dish. But the more the better — to a certain extent…

    Preheat the oven to 375°F (190 C). Butter a casserole dish. Put the cooked macaroni into the casserole dish, pour the cheese sauce over it, and mix gently with a fork.

Somehow, I didn’t quite have enough sauce last night. If I’d have had time, I’d have made another batch of sauce. It’s good to have very creamy mac and cheese. Instead, we just poured milk over the top of our bowls when we served it.

    Sprinkle the grated cheese evenly over the top and spread the crumbs over the cheese. Bake, uncovered, until the top is golden and the sauce is bubbling, about 30 minutes.

I didn’t measure the cheese or the breadcrumbs. I just put on as much as looked tasty.

And it was tasty! (Yes, even the leftovers are gone already!)

Some Turkey

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Everybody knows some turkey and some mistletoe/ Will help to make the season bright. –The Christmas Song

I was feeling a bit left out of the Turkey Day celebrations (since, of course, there was no holiday here). I decided that it was time to do my own Thanksgiving dinner. I invited my friend Michelle and her family for a Saturday, 1 December, Thanksgiving dinner. There were 7 people total. A small gathering, but the largest number I’ve entertained.

I went to order a turkey from the Christmas Made Easy counter on Monday so I can prepare a lovely Turkey Dinner. They won’t provide ordered turkeys until 21 December. They don’t carry turkeys other times of the year.

I finally found a 3.2 kg (7 lb) frozen turkey breast at a supermarket. They seem few and far between. You’d think they’d have big signs advertising them. Is that how it is in the States? Aren’t turkeys just flying off the shelves already?

For those of you preparing to do your own Turkey Dinner this holiday season, here is what an amateur learned her first time around.

  • A turkey breast is a lot smaller and looks a lot easier to manage than an entire turkey. (And, while I never have done an entire turkey, it really was easy to do the turkey breast!)
  • When defrosting turkey in the fridge, don’t put the turkey on the top shelf.
  • When defrosting turkey in the fridge, make sure you put a pan underneath it.
  • If you don’t do the two preceding things, you’ll have to scrub the entire fridge and throw out the fresh fruit that is sitting on the bottom shelf.
  • Brining the turkey breast really isn’t hard.
  • When cooking a turkey in a small oven, make sure the oven shelf is as low as possible. Otherwise, the turkey will be just millimetres from the top broiler and will get all crusty on top.
  • When purchased, the turkey is wrapped with a foam pad. Throw out the foam pad before putting the turkey in the oven. Otherwise, at the end you won’t be able to separate the foam from the turkey drippings and it will be kind of nasty.
  • Make your husband carve the turkey.
  • Don’t have too many dishes: turkey, cranberry sauce and gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and salad is plenty of food. There will be leftovers! (Hmmm, maybe it just wasn’t very good and that’s why it’s left over…)
  • When hurrying to put things away five minutes before company arrives, be careful not to bump the Pyrex liquid measuring cup from the top shelf of the cupboard. Otherwise, it will shatter and glass fragments will end up everywhere and you’ll be in even more of a panic. And you’ll get cuts on your hands.
  • If the pecan pie cooks too long, the crust will fly across the room when you try to cut into it.
  • If the pies don’t taste very good, just put more whipped cream on top. (Note to my family members who will be amazed at that comment: this is not Cool Whip or cream from the can, which I never have liked. This is real whipped cream, which is actually very tasty.)
  • If the pies don’t taste very good, everyone will still eat them because they have lots of sugar in them. Plus, there’s the whipped cream.

That’s what I learned. And, just to clarify, my husband (who is the true cook) had to work all day and didn’t get home until 5 p.m., when I was about to take the turkey out of the oven. (Company came at 6 p.m.) I did it all, except make the gravy and carve the turkey. Yes, I can cook a turkey dinner! Maybe I’m a cook too…

And now I feel like it’s the holidays! Happy Turkey Days to all of you!

Sup-Sup-Suppertime

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I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate.—Julia Child

Non-cooks think it’s silly to invest two hours’ work in two minutes’ enjoyment; but if cooking is evanescent, so is the ballet. —Julia Child

Despite my mother’s best intentions, I never really liked or learned to cook while I was in her household.

In college, I avoided cooking and lived on Rice-a-Roni, sugar cookies, and Life cereal for four years. (My roommates can attest to that.) It helped that I often didn’t notice when I was hungry and forgot to eat. When I first got married, I would kind of cook, but not really — just so my stomach was full, I didn’t care what went in it. My husband loves to cook and he’d do the cooking on the weekends. But when he was out of town, I was lucky if I didn’t just get McDonalds. We moved to Australia and suddenly I was not working, I had time and no more excuses. I felt my husband deserved a home-cooked meal each night. I found recipes and began cooking; “at least three times a week” was my goal. It was tedious, but I could do it.

At that point, I felt that if I tried something challenging, I would mess up and it would be a disaster — so why try the hard things? Besides, food will be gone in a few moments. Why put in effort to create something spectacular? As a result, I made “boring” dishes that I didn’t feel too proud of. I felt I needed to apologize before serving it. (I never heard a word of complaint; rather, my husband always said my food was wonderful.)

Then Paul was born. I felt somewhat out of control for a few weeks and I didn’t cook at all. Then, one day (Paul was probably two weeks old), I sat down and found a recipe, I got the ingredients, and I made some yummy food. It was so much fun. Since then, I’ve found that I love cooking! Yes, sometimes I really don’t feel like cooking and we do something easy or my husband cooks. But on most days, I’ve found I love the hour I have every evening to create a feast for my husband. I’m getting pretty good at timing it so it’s ready just as he’s walking in the door. And I love it.

I’ve been cooking any recipe that looks tasty. What’s the result of cooking any recipe? Plenty of “oops” meals, and plenty of learning. Some recipes take a lot of effort. Some work well and others don’t. And the food is gone in minutes or days if we’re lucky (leftovers are a good thing). I know more about technique and flavor pairing than I ever did before. I can critique my finished product and determine what is missing or overpowering in it. I can tweak a recipe as I cook to make it better.

I actually look forward to trying five or six new recipes next week.

I don’t know what changed, but there’s something satisfying I didn’t feel before. It feels great to welcome my husband home from work with a complete feast on the table. Cooking is fun. Sup-sup-suppertime really is the very best time of the day!