Tag Archives: agency

Lesson 12: Repentance is a Blessing (A Study of Twelve-year-old Behavior)

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I realize the 12-year-olds in my class are not committing murder or smoking or doing anything really bad. They are good kids. I may not have prepared my lesson as best as I could, but they really took me off guard yesterday. Here’s a rundown of my class yesterday (it’s kind of long):

(I’ll call the class Mary, Sarah, Elizabeth, and John, just for privacy’s sake.)

We started by reading Alma 38:8. Mary had forgotten her scriptures. Our meeting house library only has spare scriptures in Chinese.

  • Me: Alma had to recognize he’s sinned: he felt the pain of guilt. The first part of repentance is recognizing you did something wrong. Why do you think we need to recognize that?
  • Sarah: So you can repent. Duh! Ew! Stop–that is so gross.
  • [Mary has taken a pushpin from the bulletin board and is popping the blister on her toe with it. I decide to ignore her. Why? I don’t know.]
  • Me: Ok, let’s read Doctrine and Covenants 58:38. John, can you read that?
  • Sarah: Ew! Now I need to wash my foot! [She storms out of the room.]
  • Elizabeth: What happened? [That’s what I’m thinking too.]
  • Mary: I bumped her foot with mine! [I don’t blame Sarah at this point: Mary has been popping blisters on her toe. I would want to wash my foot too.]
  • Me: OK, so what those verses said: What do we need to do to repent?
  • Elizabeth: Confess and Forsake.
  • Me: Good!Can you write that on the board? [Elizabeth volunteered before class to be scribe.]
  • Mary: You dummy! Confess has two S‘s.
  • Me: Let’s not call names. It doesn’t matter how it’s spelled. What does forsake mean?
  • Mary: It means, well, like “For your sake.”
  • Me: Not quite. It means “to give up.” Why do you think we need to give up our sins?
  • John: So we don’t do it again. To show we’re sorry and won’t do it again.
  • Me, glad someone is focused: Right. To show we won’t do it again: we really mean it! Another thing we have to do is keep the commandments. (Can you write that on the board, too?)
  • [Elizabeth has by now drawn an elaborate design beside the list of steps of repentance. She’s also written CTR! CHOOSE TO REPENT!]
  • Elizabeth: Oh, what am I suppose to write?
  • [Great, has she heard any of this?]
  • John: Keep the commandments!
  • Sarah, storming back into the room: That was the grossest thing in the world!
  • Me: Anyway, as I was saying. We need to not do it again. So if we’re sorry we hit our sister and we’re repenting for doing that, we need to not do it again.
  • Sarah: Well, except, some things we will do again. Like, I know I’ll hit my brother again.
  • Me: Well, if we are sincere in wanting to repent, we need to stop doing it.
  • Elizabeth: But I have to hit my sisters!
  • Me: Remember how we talked about the premortal life where Satan wanted to let us return to Heavenly Father but he wouldn’t give us a choice? Instead, we came to earth under Heavenly Father’s plan with Christ as our Savior, so what did Heavenly Father give us?
  • Elizabeth: Our agency!
  • Me: Exactly! So you can choose not to hit your brother.
  • Elizabeth: No, I can’t.
  • Sarah: I have to hit my brothers.
  • Mary: There is no choice in the matter.
  • John: I don’t hit my brother.
  • Mary: You only have one brother.
  • Sarah: Yeah, I have six siblings. I have to defend myself.
  • [Sarah has five siblings. I correct her and she says, no, her dad counts as a sibling. Great.]
  • Elizabeth: I have to fight.
  • Sarah: Ew! Stop it! That’s gross. [Mary has renewed the pushpin technique. Now she’s pricking her fingers.]
  • Me: Mary, will you stop poking yourself with a pushpin?!
  • [Mary puts the pushpin back into the board and sits and sulks.]
  • Me, to Elizabeth: Well, if your brother is mean to you, what choices do you have?
  • Elizabeth: To defend myself.
  • Me: And what other choice?
  • Elizabeth: To defend myself.
  • Me: And…
  • Elizabeth: To fight.
  • Me: You can choose not to fight.
  • Elizabeth: No, they’ll all say “What’s wrong with you?”
  • Sarah: Right. I have to defend myself.
  • Me: Ok, so anyway, Heavenly Father’s plan is that we repent and that we actually feel sorry when we repent.

We also talked about making restitution (apologizing, making up for what was wrong) after we do something and we read some more scriptures, but I couldn’t get them to stop claiming they must fight with their siblings. They don’t believe me when I say they have a choice. I couldn’t get Mary to participate after I called her off of her disgusting pop-the-blister kick.

Now, I know I fought with my sister. But I know I chose to fight with her. I know when I still argue with people that I’m choosing to argue. It’s my fault just as much as anyone else’s. It takes two to fight. I also think family discipline has something to do with it. I know Sarah’s family — they are a bit violent to each other in church; I can’t imagine how they would be at home. Case in point: John, who claims he doesn’t fight with his older brother, is a perfect, focused class-participant (most Sundays).

I really don’t remember what was like being twelve. I asked my husband what I can do. His answer? Don’t teach twelve-year-olds.
Here are my questions for you:

  1. Are all twelve-year-olds determined to fight with their siblings?
  2. How do I emphasize repentance when they think they have no choice in the matter (other than using a better example)?
  3. Also, when a class member is being distracting and popping blisters or being gross, how do I ask her to stop without making her annoyed and sullen the rest of the class?

Lesson 12 of 45

East of Eden: Good versus Evil

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John Steinbeck’s East of Eden has been banned before. I’m not surprised. It deals with attempted fratricide, prostitution, and murder. One character, Cathy, is described as a monster. But as I read it and recognized the obvious references and echoes of Genesis, I was overcome and enlightened. Combining the plot with the incredibly well written descriptions of the characters, the Salinas valley (California), and five decades, this is a novel I want to reread.

I am reminded of Mosiah 3:19.

For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

When Adam and Eve left Eden, they, for the first time, had wickedness within them. They were able to give in to temptation. But they had the choice to choose the good. In Genesis, Cain chose evil and was sent “East of Eden” (see 4:1-16). Nevertheless, Cain had the choice to choose whether he would follow good or evil throughout his life: he was not condemned straight away.

In this novel, what makes Cathy and others evil is that they don’t “choose” the good. They don’t put off the “natural man.” And that makes all of the difference. On the other hand, other characters in the novel seem to completely miss the “natural man” and are thus overwhelmingly “good.” Ultimately, though, Steinbeck’s point is that we all must choose what we will do: the crux of agency is that we are free to choose. Everyone is!

I don’t know how many reading this review will want to read the novel. Some of the situations and characters are downright evil. But I think a key to reading literature is finding how it relates to your own life; part of what I gain by reading East of Eden is a better appreciation of what it means to have agency.

Lesson 6: Adversity Can Help Us Grow

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Since my class didn’t have a substitute — other than the teacher next door, who taught Book of Mormon — they are now three weeks behind. I will have to merge lessons, but I really don’t want to shorten the next three. They are so important! It’s my current challenge, or, if you will, a tiny little “adversity.”

In 2 Nephi, chapter 2, Lehi explained to his son Jacob why we need adversity to learn (verses 11, 16, 22-23). When we compare our lives to life in the Garden of Eden, we see that life would be lacking if there wasn’t opposition. As I mentioned when I shared my thoughts about the Garden of Eden, it’s clear to me that opposition is necessary. I used the example of childbirth: it was horrible, but I learned so much.

In that same chapter of the Book of Mormon, we read about a person who faced adversity (2 Nephi 2:1-2). Jacob was “afflicted” because of his brothers. When I think that Laman and Lemuel tried to kill Nephi multiple times, I think that Jacob must have really struggled as a young boy trying to learn the gospel! And yet, Lehi says that Jacob nevertheless was strong in the faith. I think his trials as a child made him stronger.

Let’s read about other examples of adversity. As we read, think about how we can prepare for adversity.

In the first, a parable, there are two people facing adversity (Matthew 7:24-27). This is a story we’ve known since primary when we sang it:

The wise man built his house upon the rock,
And the rains came tumbling down.
The rains came down, and the floods came up,
And the house on the rock stood still.
The foolish man built his house upon the sand
And the rains came tumbling down.
The rains came down, and the floods came up
And the house on the sand washed away.

When I was young, I thought of this song as a “fun song” after all, there are hand motions. I didn’t realize it was a spiritual song. It is talking about Christ, and how we need to build a foundation on Christ:

And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall. –Helaman 5:12

Life is hard because there is adversity in it, and there is no promise that it will be easy for us: we knew it would be hard when we agreed to come to earth. But we can rely on Christ and make him our foundation as we go through hard times.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. –Matthew 11:28-30

(Note, and this is just me: I don’t think he’s saying things will be easy if we turn to him. He’s saying his yoke is easy. I think that means that it is easy to turn to Him and make Him a part of our lives. He’s there for us. We still may have a hard life, filled with adversity, even by depending on Christ. The man with a house upon a rock still had to face the rains. But Christ can help us, and we’ll have a foundation that is sturdy. We can trust Christ to always be there.)

Here are some scriptural examples of adversity.

  • Jonah 1:1-17; 2:1, 10; 3:1-3
  • 1 Nephi 16:18-27, 30-32
  • D&C 121:heading, 1-2, 6, 7-8 and D&C 122:5-9

As we read, we’ll answer these questions:

  • Who had the trial?
  • What trial did he have?
  • Why did he have this trial?
  • What did he learn?

Some adversity is our own fault: we sin and thus bring adversity upon ourselves (as Jonah did and as we do when we break the commandments). Other adversity doesn’t come from sin but from the circumstances we are in (Nephi’s bow broke; our car didn’t start; our dinner burned, which technically is our fault but we didn’t intend for it to happen). Still other trials come because other people are exercising their agency (Nephi’s family complained against him; enemies put Joseph Smith in jail; our little brother lost our favorite book). But ultimately, adversity can strengthen us. We can’t complain too much: as the Lord reminded Joseph Smith, the Son of Man descended beneath all of us: He suffered for all of us already. If we say it’s too hard, we’re saying we’re greater than He is.

Let’s not pretend our adversity is that bad. By relying on Christ and making Him our foundation, we can get through any rains that may come.

Lesson 6 of 45

Lesson 4: The Atonement of Jesus Christ

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I have procrastinated preparing this lesson, quite simply because I don’t see how I can possibly help four 12-year-olds gain an appreciation for the Atonement of Jesus Christ in 30 minutes. I feel this is the most important lesson in the book, and I don’t know where to begin.

Obviously, testimony is the most crucial aspect of any lesson: I know I can bear my testimony.

I guess the best place to begin is where we left off in last week’s lesson.

Because Adam and Eve transgressed in the Garden of Eden, they gained knowledge of good and evil. Physical death entered the world, which meant that our bodies and spirits would be separated. Adam’s transgression also allowed spiritual death to enter the world (Doctrine and Covenants 29:40-41).

We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression. –Article of Faith 2

That’s good news: Adam’s transgression doesn’t automatically mean we’re all punished. But the problem is that we all will sin. Sin makes us unclean, and “no unclean thing can dwell with God” (1 Nephi 10:21).

Here’s the good news for all of us:

We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel. –Article of Faith 3

Without a Savior, we’d be dead twice: physically and spiritually. Physically, our bodies would not be united with our spirits. Spiritually, we’d be denied the presence of God because we are unclean. Jesus Christ was chosen to be the Savior. His resurrection makes it possible for each of us to be resurrected and thus overcome physical death. Also, because He willingly gave his life for each of us and paid the price for our sins, we can each be forgiven for the sins we commit so that we can become clean again. We can dwell with God again.

The plan of Heavenly Father required justice: the sins must be paid for. A Savior provides mercy: we have a chance to return to our Heavenly Father. The law of justice is met because the price for the sin is paid, and the law of mercy is met because Christ has mercy on each of us, who are imperfect.

The Mediator

The mediator in this film (the debtor’s friend) said that he would pay the debt and become the debtors new creditor. The debtor would have to repay the debt on the creditors terms.

Similarly, in our lives, the Savior gives us clear instructions on what we must do to receive the blessings of the Atonement in our lives.

Everyone who has or will come to earth will receive the blessing of resurrection and thus be saved from physical death. But to be saved from spiritual death, we must rely on the Mediator to pay the price for our sins. Then, if we do not meet the creditor’s terms, that is, if we do not repent, we will have to suffer for our own sins (Doctrine and Covenants 19:17-18) because that is how justice will be met.

I know Christ did suffer so that we might be saved. We must believe in Christ, follow and obey Him, and repent of our sins. How grateful I am to have a Mediator, who will pay my debt!

Lesson 4 of 45

Lesson 3: The Fall of Adam and Eve

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Sometimes I think it would be nice to live in a world with no sickness, no sorrow, and no pain. What would such a world be like?

I’ll begin with the trivial: I wouldn’t be uncomfortably hot during the summer. Now, on hot days, I hope for a short summer and early autumn. Of course, I wouldn’t have any uncomfortably cold wintery days either. But, without the extreme weather, I wouldn’t appreciate spring and autumn weather. By eliminating unpleasant weather, pleasant weather gets very boring.

Then I think about a world void of sicknesses and pain. I’ve always been healthy and lacked major health problems. That has changed in the past four months. (Having a baby helps your body fall apart, I guess.) I would love to eliminate pain and sickness from my life! Ironically, though, it is only now that I’ve regularly experienced ill health that I recognize what a blessing it was to have had good health. Every day that I am not ill is a very good day (there still are plenty of those), and some days I feel great! By being ill, I appreciate so much more being well. (However, I really do look forward to not being ill on a regular basis.)

It might sound nice initially, but a world without sickness, sorrow, pain, and sin would lack all enjoyment as well.

In the beginning, Adam and Eve lived in such a world.

When they were first placed there, they were given two commandments:

  1. Multiply and replenish the earth (Genesis 1:28)
  2. Don’t partake of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil (Genesis 2:16-17)

And here lies the most complex irony: because the garden was a place of innocence, Adam and Eve couldn’t fulfill the first commandment without breaking the second.

When Adam and Eve did choose to partake of the fruit, they committed a transgression, not a sin. Because there was nothing inherently wrong with partaking of the fruit, it was not a sin to partake of it, even though it was a commandment not to.

I like this comparison: A parent tells a child to never cross the street. Does the parent have a reason for the rule? Yes. But is it inherently wrong to cross the street? No. At some point in his life, the child needs to cross the street.

Eve had a dilemma. She had to choose to sacrifice her painless world of innocence in order to gain experience and to bear children. She did not know what the experience would be because she’d never before experienced it. No human had experienced it. It’s hard to choose to experience the unknown. And yet, she wanted to gain experience and she wanted to raise children.

I feel close to her dilemma. A little more than three months ago, I went through incredible pains to bring a child into the world. It was horrible. I thought I was going to die. I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to give up. Why can’t we have children without the pain?

Well, that’s not the plan, and I’m not talking about the lack of drugs. (I imagine childbirth is still quite painful with drugs.) There is much pain in raising a child, beyond childbirth. The plan of our Heavenly Father is to learn from experience. Experience sometimes entails fear and pain, but it also includes incredible happiness. There is supposed to be opposition as we experience the good.

Eve could only bear children by giving up innocence. I can’t speak for Eve, but because I went through that painful experience of childbirth:

  • I have the most beautiful, perfect little boy to raise.
  • I learned a lot about my abilities to do what I have to do.
  • I gained an incredible spiritual closeness to my Heavenly Father.
  • I am learning every day from my child.

I think childbirth is an incredible miracle. But it required going through a very challenging experience. It required that I not live in a perfect world, void of pain and sorrow.

Adam [and Eve] fell that man [and woman] might be, and men [and women] are that they might have joy. 2 Nephi 2:25

I’m grateful for the Fall of Adam and Eve. It meant I could come to earth. It meant I can bear children. It meant that I can have my joy multiplied as I Experience. And truly, my family is my greatest joy.

Lesson 3 of 45

Good, Better, and Best

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For my visiting teaching lesson Wednesday, I presented Elder Oaks’ talk from General Conference: Good, Better, Best.

(Note of explanation: Since we get the Ensign at the end of the month, I’ve been told that we should present the message from the previous month’s Ensign. I didn’t know that last month and presented the December message I got from the internet. This month, since I’d already done the December message, I thought I’d go back and do the November conference message.)

This talk stood out to me because it is something we all need. I guess I should speak for myself: it’s something I need. As an adult, I don’t often face blatant good versus evil choices: for example, my friends don’t tempt me to smoke a cigarette and I have to decide whether or not to “just say no.” Life is no longer black and white: I often must make choices between good and good or good and better. Striving to better ourselves by making the best choices seemed an appropriate focus for the beginning of the year.

Here is something that stood out to me as I read it:

To our hundreds of thousands of home teachers and visiting teachers, I suggest that it is good to visit our assigned families; it is better to have a brief visit in which we teach doctrine and principle; and it is best of all to make a difference in the lives of some of those we visit.

I have not been a very good visiting teacher: before we moved, I didn’t do it very often. Then, I didn’t have an assignment from May until December. But now I have an assignment again, and I want to do a better job. No, I want to do the best job I can.

I do teach the bishop’s wife so this seems to me to be quite a challenge.

Here is my question for you: Have you had a visiting teacher that made a “difference” in your life? What did they do? I want to be the best kind of visiting teacher, and I don’t think simply visiting and sharing a message is quite enough. I’d be interested in your thoughts.

Lesson 2: Agency: The Power to Choose

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My son’s face relaxes as his mouth grabs hold of the pacifier. He begins to suck and his mouth almost smiles. He stops squirming and his eyes close. I feel his body go partially limp in my arms. I know he likes that pacifier!

Then I watch his right hand begin its move toward his face. He likes to have his hand near his face. It’s a comfort to him. But I know what is coming. Sure enough, his long little fingers reach the pacifier and loop through the ring on the end of it.

“Paul, don’t do it!” I warn him. “If you move your hand back then you’ll pull the pacifier out of your mouth.”

His eyes twitch, but his lids remain shut. He continues sucking.

A door slams somewhere and Paul’s body starts. He jerks his right hand away from his face. Sure enough, just as I warned, the pacifier now remains in his right hand, a full three inches from his mouth.

His eyes open wide and he stares at me. His look is part shock and part betrayal. How could you? He seems to say. Then his bottom lip begins to jut out and his whole face begins its contortion. Here comes a cry!

You did it! I want to say. You pulled the pacifier out of your own mouth! You can control that arm; you can control that hand! You can choose to put the pacifier back in your mouth! Just move your hand.

But I know he is still too little to recognize his own power: he has agency and he doesn’t even realize it.

Being a mother is helping me see how Heavenly Father views us. Just as I want to help Paul understand how his tiny choices affect his life, Heavenly Father likewise wants me to understand how my more significant choices affect my life — and my eternal progression. Paul is not yet making any choices of eternal consequence: he is still unaccountable. But as the days and years go by, he will gain the ability to choose between right and wrong. He will learn.

When we lived with God in the premortal world, we understood that we could make choices. Heavenly Father provided an opportunity for each of us to come to the earth. We would choose how we would live. We knew we’d make mistakes. And Heavenly Father promised a Savior, who would pay for our sins, so that we could return to live with Him again.

Heavenly Father’s plan includes these principles of agency (See 2 Nephi 2:26-29).

  1. A law. He provides commandments to follow that enable us to return to Him.
  2. Knowledge of the law. He gives us these commandments through prophets and scriptures. As we grow on the earth, we learn the commandments.
  3. Opposition: good and evil. We sometimes have to choose between good and evil; we have to choose between obeying the commandments and doing other things we might want to do. The Spirit will help us discern which choices are right.
  4. Freedom of choice. Heavenly Father will not force us to choose right. We have complete freedom as to whether we will choose right or wrong. We make our own choices!
  5. Responsibility for choices. This is the hard part: we can’t choose the consequence of our choices. If we choose right, we will be blessed. If we choose wrong, we are cut off from our Heavenly Father, unless we rely on Christ’s atonement, which is another choice. Thus, in Heavenly Father’s plan, some people will not return to Heavenly Father again.

In that premortal realm, we know that Satan wanted the glory as the Savior (See Moses 4:1-4 and Abraham 3:24-28). He wanted to save everyone, by making them choose right all the time. He wanted to eliminate principle — the freedom to choose. It sounds like a nice idea: we’d all be saved. There is pain in choosing wrong and some people won’t make it back. Wouldn’t it be great if all made it back?

In watching my son, I realize what a tragedy it would be if he couldn’t learn to control his own body. What if I forced him to move in a set way? He wouldn’t be able to move his arm toward his mouth if the result would be the pacifier coming out: he’d be forced to stay in one position. He would not be able to jolt in surprise when a door slammed. He’d sleep between set hours every day so he wouldn’t be uncomfortably tired ever. He would never choose again.

What a tragedy that would be! What would be the point of his existence? In watching him, I see how important it is that we are able to choose what we do. His choices are small and insignificant now, but as he grows, they will increase in significance. Yes, he will make wrong choices. But he will choose!

There is a reason we experience negative consequences: it is how we learn. It may be hard to anticipate negative consequences for our own choices. But looking on, I can anticipate my infant son’s dismay when he removes his own pacifier. He will be sad, and he is. I know that as he grows, his life will be full of such moments, most of them of much more significance. It will be sad to see wrong consequences. But he will eventually learn how to control his arms and hands. I know that as he gains control and accountability, he will begin to recognize how his actions are related to the consequences, and he’ll learn to make different actions.

Because we did accept Heavenly Father’s plan, we have the freedom to choose. I look on and anticipate the consequences of Paul’s choices, and Heavenly Father likewise looks on and anticipates the consequences of our choices. Heavenly Father has provided guidance for us so we can avoid the painful mistakes. By listening to the Spirit, by obeying to the prophet, and by reading the scriptures, we should recognize what the consequences of our choices are and what right is.

As I listen to my son’s crying, I recognize what a great blessing this gift of agency is! He can choose and therefore he can learn. We all can.

Lesson 2 of 45