Category Archives: Thoughts on Children and Childhood

Two Years!

Leave a reply

Two years ago, Caroline Rose Reid pushed her way in to the world. She looked around the room with wide eyes and did not say anything. The nurses pinched her, rubbed her, washed, poked needles in her and still she looked at them and did not say anything. Then, she closed her eyes and went to sleep.

Two days later and she still had not cried. She was in a warming bed in the Special Care Nursery where, when she woke, a nurse was right there to change her, call me to come feed her, and otherwise hold her to keep her calm.

But Caroline was calm. She was taking it all in. The lights, the noises, the comfort. Why would she cry? She had it all.

The nurses laughed when we expressed concern over her lack of crying. “She’ll figure it out,” they insisted.

Were they ever right! Caroline is a bundle of energy and noise, a package of life and emotion. She laughs, she screams, she loves.

And we love her. Her first words each morning are a call for Paul. His first words are the question, “Can I go talk to Caroline?” (when her door is still closed in the morning).

Caroline follows us around and insists on “I do it!” and “Me!” She knows the concepts of “mine!” and “Share!” and won’t hesitate to tell you what she wants. She won’t hesitate to tell you want she does not want, too, and if she does not want what you want her to do, she will not let you do it.

She’s sensitive and selfish, crying with others who are sad (or asking “are you okay?”) and screaming if she does not get what she wants in any given moment.

She’s wiggly and cuddly, wiggly when it’s a quiet moment (such as sacrament meeting) and cuddly when the lights are low and she is sleepy.

She’s a bundle of fun, as she pretends: her fork is a dancing monkey, or her sippy cup of milk is sleepy, and wants a lullaby or she is a fish swimming through the bathtub.

She’s as tender as a new mother when she holds her baby dolls, singing the songs I sing to her.

She’s as wild as an animal as she runs into the water, jumping and splashing and dunking her own head under, only to come up sputtering and coughing with a laugh on her face.

We love Caroline. I can’t wait to see how this already talking toddler baby becomes a little girl in the next year. Although, I kind of want to hold her tight and cherish her toddler-hood for the next twenty years!

Spotlight on Paul, Age 5

Leave a reply

Five years ago, I awoke knowing I’d be meeting my baby soon. It was time for him to be born. When he was first put in my arms, I was in love. He was long and slippery. His eyes were open and he was looking around at everything. He did not make a sound but just looked. Today, Paul is a tall, skinny, cheerful boy. I look at him and I am amazed at how old he is. Here are some facts about him.

Paul is a morning person. He wakes in the morning and comes straight to see me with a great big smile. He usually has a dream to tell me about. He will get comfortable and begin telling his story. Paul has things to do in the mornings. He’s generally excited about everything, from starting school work to eating breakfast. Sometimes, he’s even excited to do chores in the morning time! Morning is a delightful place for Paul.

Paul has an active imagination. He is frequently telling me about his imaginary friends that are arriving, calling him, and having their own adventures. I already mentioned that Paul has dreams. Sometimes these dreams are scary and it’s amazing to me the things he thinks of. (One nightmare entailed a whale who came across North America to attack him while he was playing on the beach of the Mississippi River…) Paul finds mirrors to be an entrance into a new world (Some day, I’ll get him to read Lewis Carroll with me!). He frequently talks to himself as he washes his hands in the bathroom, as we pass mirrors in stores or in public restrooms. But then, he clarifies that he is not talking to himself, he’s talking to his friend in the mirror.

And as we learn things for school, he puts his own imagination in to what may have happened. Take this paragraph he narrated to me about Columbus, for example. He had to act out the native’s response with gusto.

How Columbus Knew About North America

Once upon a time, there were people who wanted to go to Asia. They wanted to go to Asia because they wanted to get spices. They were in Europe. They sailed in ships West. When they got to land, there were many people. They thought they were over in Asia in India. Then, they started calling those people Indians because that is who they thought they were. And then many people died. Then, Columbus said, “We have new land!” And the Indians said, “No! We live here. Ehhhhhh, I’m dying.” And then Columbus lived happily ever after. The End.

Paul gets distracted. The opposite side of an active imagination is the fact that always imagining new things means he frequently gets derailed from whatever he is doing (washing his hands, getting dressed, cleaning his bedroom, doing a math worksheet) to have a conversation, rescue a friend from a fire, or telephone a friend. He is frequently saying, “Oops, I got distracted!” when I ask if he’s ready to go. But he is generally happy in his own world.

Paul is excited and energetic.I almost feel like he changed in to a new person about a month ago. He’s always had energy, but now, out of the blue, he is running in circles, jumping, dancing, singing, yelling, and otherwise expressing excitement all day long. Apparently, this is normal for five-year-old kids. It creates a bit more chaos in my life than I like but it is delightful to observe. On the rare moments when we are cleaning the house in the morning (usually we do it in the afternoons when he’s a bit more whiny) he is extra excited to help. The other day he said to me with lots of excitement: “Hey, Mom! I have an idea! Let’s clean the bathrooms everyday!” The day before, on the other hand, he cried and had a fit when it came time to clean.

Paul is curious and interested. He bombards me with questions: How does the traffic light know when to change color? How did God create the earth? Why does the car need fuel? How does a fish breathe underwater? Why can I see the moon during the day? Together we find the answers. He loves it. He loves to learn, and he loves to question. He is learning multiplication as well as addition and subtraction and he loves to figure things out (most of the time). He also loves to tell other people what he’s learned.

For example, I overheard this while Paul was playing with another 4 or 5 year old child in the library. Paul: “Well, our block tower fell down because of grabity.” Other child: “This one didn’t fall because it doesn’t have grabity.” Paul: “There still is grabity. Grabity is a force pulling every thing down. See? [He picks up a block and drops it from shoulder height.] That’s grabity!”

Paul loves his sister. He is constantly helping her be happy, laugh with her, teach her things, share toys and books with her. He loves her so much that she is often the first person he looks for in the morning (if she’s awake). He loves to tell me what she’s doing, what she needs, and why he loves her. Sometimes he’s a bit rough, but that’s just the energetic stage of life he’s in.

Paul is emotional. Again, I think this is partly just being a five-year-old kid learning to navigate strong emotions. On the other hand, he tends to have melt-downs when he’s overtired. I think there is some anxiety going on to, probably inherited since I have similar issues. It hurts to see him struggle, but I hope we can learn to deal with it together.

Paul is five! He just walked in and he wants me to add that. Now that he is five, he can get his library card!!! (tomorrow) He can jump really high.

Happy birthday, Paul! I’m so proud of all you can do … and all that you will learn to do in the coming year now that you are five years old!

Thoughts on Four Years and Four Months

Leave a reply

Today was Caroline’s four-month doctor’s visit. She is 11 pounds, 7 ounces, and is 23 inches long. That’s the 10th percentile. She’s gained exactly 4 pounds and grown 4 inches since she was born. She’s petite but in normal ranges.

She is, for the most part, a very happy girl. Today is an exception. She was okay for the two hours after her immunizations this morning, but now she’s crying pretty constantly, wondering why she’s in pain. Paul is walking around with his hands over his ears. “Can you tell Caroline to be quiet?” he recently asked.

On a normal day, Caroline loves to see happy faces. She delights in being with others and demands that she be up in her high chair where she can see us eating our dinner and so forth. If she’s away from the action, she’ll cry very vigorously, demanding attention.

Right now, I’m in the midst of a de-spoiling process. This means that I’m letting her cry herself to sleep at night when I know she’s ready to go to sleep, and I’m trying to not feel guilty when I put her down to clear the dinner dishes or go to the bathroom(!) or otherwise let her be by herself for a few minutes. She’s a very social little girl so she doesn’t like being alone. It’s hard to let her cry, but she must learn, right?

Caroline loves to smile and laugh, and Paul is a central part of her daily joy. She loves to watch him walking around the room, to smile at his songs, and to listen to what he has to say and the stories he likes to read. I can already see her adoration of her big brother as she brightens when he approaches her with his love and attention.

The love and attention is not one sided. Paul loves to be near his sister. He loves to help her be happy, to tell her stories, and to read her books. He remembers to include her in every game and he cannot wait until she is a “kid”. Even as a baby, though, he’s tender and loving to her, giving her big hugs and kisses.

I love to watch these two special spirits interact. I know there will be plenty of times when they are tired of each other. As I mentioned, Paul does not like the loud crying and when she’s finally old enough to play, I suspect he’ll be a bit annoyed at her destroying his Lego creations or what not. But in general, I see love and adoration coming from both of them. Caroline will love her brother as she gets older: she doesn’t know life without him. And Paul, who did “long long ago before Caroline was born” (his words) live a life without a little sister, will certainly care for his little sister and protect her as much as he can. He will teach her important things and he will make her laugh throughout her life. He will find such joy in his role as big brother.

I look forward to the coming months as I watch these two special spirits interacting and learning from each other! I am so grateful that Paul can have a sibling to learn from and to serve! I’m so grateful that Caroline has joined our family. I wouldn’t have our family any different.

And It Came to Pass

2 Replies

I have been thinking of this phrase. We had a speaker at Stake Conference a few months ago that used this phrase as a basis for his talk. It is the regular phrase of The Book of Mormon, the first words my son pretended to read when it was his turn at age 2.

I see it in terms of motherhood. A year ago in January, I had a miscarriage after a year of trying to conceive. I thought maybe I’d never have another child! And then, it came to pass, that I did get pregnant and almost four months ago it came to pass that I did have a baby. Those six extra months don’t seem like a big deal any more.

I see it in terms of happiness and priorities. I struggle with depression, and I have for just about two decades. And it came to pass that I look back now and see so many wonderful times and happy days. I don’t see the rotten, spend-the-day-crying days.

I see it in terms of learning and growing. Sometimes I wonder if I’m any closer to my Heavenly Father than I was as a missionary a decade ago. And it came to pass that I am at peace with my relationship with Heavenly Father. I see growth, especially as I revisit old journals.

And it came to pass that I got older.

It kind of saddens me if I think about this for too long, simply because I know that before I know it, I’ll be 80 years old and close to the end of my earthly life. And it will come to pass that I will look back and say to myself, “how did all these things come to pass so quickly?”

Right now the difficult days don’t always seem quick. But it surely will when I sit and look back and say, “Wow, all these wonderful things came to pass!”

I really want to treasure these days of young motherhood. They are passing so rapidly!

One Month Old

Leave a reply

All day long I’ve been close to tears: my baby is already one month old! I cannot believe how quickly that time passed by. I pick up Caroline and she is heavy (comparatively). Her tummy is chubby and her face is squishy. Today, I saw her eyes have tears for the first time when she cries. She is smiling more regularly at me and staying awake — happily — more frequently. Her going-home-from-the-hospital outfit is almost too snug for her. She’s almost no longer a newborn!

I just want to sit and cuddle her a long while. I can’t believe I’m losing the newborn baby stage so quickly! I miss her little crooked legs and her newborn innocence already.

IMG_2668

Spring has sprung this week in Chicagoland. It’s been in the 70s and 80s all week, so Paul, Caroline, and I have tried to get out a little bit each day to enjoy it! Here Paul is telling about the city he drew on the driveway.

I know this is new Mommy emotion, but I’m choked up as I type this, thinking about how big my little girl already is getting. On to month two for her, despite my desire to cling to the newly newborn baby!

This weekend Grandma Peggy and Papa Paul and more family are coming to celebrate Caroline’s recieving a name and a blessing in church on Sunday. We’re so grateful that Daddy honors the priesthood and can give her that special blessing.

Unwrapping Your Children

Leave a reply

Well, about these girls. They came as they were, unique, wonderful spirits and my blessing was to just unwrap the package to see who they were and to help guide them into who they could be.  I didn’t ever feel like I had to mold them or make them into somebody different than who they were because they were so great when they came. It was a fun discovery to learn who they were. They are different, different people, but they are delightful fun daughters and I always enjoyed our children.

Julie B. Beck on her two daughters

I want to say that about my own children. I never want my son to think I don’t appreciate his own personality. I don’t want him to think that I expect him to be something he is not. That would be a painful thing, to feel like a disappointment. I don’t want my son to feel he disappoints me for being himself.

This means I need to never talk about his faults, or things I disapprove of, in front other people. I need to avoid criticism when he does things differently than I would do them. I need to make sure I don’t manipulate him into doing something I want, when his personality would do something differently. I need to always remember that he came to me a precious spirit, with his own personality. He will make choices different from those that I’d make, but that’s a part of his precious personality.

As his mother, I can help guide him into who he can be. I can help him discover his potential.

I don’t need to mold him: I need to unwrap him.

To listen to the entire conversation between Sheri Dew and Julie B. Beck and her two daughters, visit Mormon Channel.

The Perfect Age

1 Reply

As we were driving to church the other day, I was struck by how perfect Paul’s age is right now. Although he sometimes has tantrums and he’s certainly opinionated, overall, it’s so delightful being his mother and seeing his blossoming into a human being, and not just a baby. I need to do a better job of recording the adorable and perfect age things Paul says and does. I am going to miss this age so very much!

Imagination

If he wants something, he simply creates it. He’s had a hard time grasping the concept of Christmas being a very long time from now. So instead he creates his own: “Did you know that tomorrow it is Christmas underground?” (His imaginary friends live underground.)

If I can’t play with him, suddenly the imaginary doorbell rings and there is an imaginary friend to play with him. And then there is the fact that he can create anything, you name it.

Games

Paul is in a serious board game streak right now. He loves them. He loves following rules and he loves making up rules. His turn usually takes him about five minutes, so I read a book waiting for my turn. Seriously. But he’s learning about taking turns, about winning and losing, and about counting and money (Monopoly). He loves to play games.

And the greatest thing is that he loves to make up games all the time. “Let’s race!” he says when it’s time to get dressed. “Let’s find shapes!” he said as we were driving to church. And when he said he saw “funny ovals” I was at a loss as to what he was talking about. “I see a lot of them!” he clarified. Cars, it turns out, are funny ovals.

Stories

Along with his great imagination comes his impressive ability to tell stories. I am reminded of my creative story writing when I was six and seven years old. Somehow, I lost that urge to write, to record creative inventions that I imagined in my mind. I hope I can nurture Paul’s story telling abilities so he doesn’t lose it. I’ll be so sad when he grows up too much for stories. I hope that never happens.

Learning

The other day, he brought me the guide book I had about NYC and said, “Mommy, this is about New York!” and I was amazed that not only could he read and understand it, but that he knows New York City is a place, that’s it’s far from here, that I went there. And I know most three year olds don’t read yet, but even without the reading, I love watching his discovery of new things. We’re learning about the moon and about outerspace this week and I love watching his fascination as we read a picture book.

Honesty and Sincerity

Sometimes I don’t appreciate his honesty. (“Yuck! I do not like this soup!”) But other times I find it so sweet.

“I love you,” I say.

“I already know that!” says Paul.

Reflections

Leave a reply
  • In Paul’s primary talk, he said, “Jesus rose for us.” He then, in a different context, saw the  picture of the Risen Lord appearing to Mary and said, “Look, Mommy! Jesus rose-ing!”
  • Normally during Sacrament Meeting, Paul sings “mah blah blah mah!” as loudly as he can in time with the music, as he or I points to the words on the page. Today, the speaker introduced the song, “Behold, the Great Redeemer Die!” Paul sang along with the correct words for the first two lines. I was amazed: he knows that song. I know that is because we go to church every Sunday.
  • Regularly, Paul stops playing to say, “Mommy, I say unto you, I love you!” This is how I know he really does hear the scripture study we do together, even though it seems he’s not paying attention.
  • Paul is regularly teaching me a lesson in humility and generosity, from his sharing his fruit snacks to his outpouring of love. From his example, I better understand the Savior’s injunction to be as a little child. I’m to approach life with sincerity, to love and give without thoughts of “scarcity” and selfishness, and to be honest in my thoughts, words and deeds. (Although I should mention that Paul has learned to lie, he is still for the most part a very truthful, loving, sensitive child.)

Easing into Fall and Saying Goodbye to A Slow Summer

Leave a reply

Now that I’ve finally finished scrubbing out the refrigerator, I can come back and tell you how much I love fall.

This summer was great, don’t get me wrong. I felt we were busier than normal, even without a change from school to no school. This year’s summer weather was wonderfully mild, and Paul didn’t fuss on the days when I said, “Sorry, but it’s just too hot today. We’re staying inside.” (I have a feeling that won’t work so well next year.)

But now the weather is back to a reasonable average, and I just love to sit in the (pleasantly cool) sun and watch the leaves fall from the trees.

Today, the weather is staying in low 80s and the coming week has a perfect partially sunny forecast of 70s and upper 60s. It’s cool enough to walk to the library without dying of misery and perspiration. It’s cool enough to play in the back yard for extended periods of time. It’s cool enough to sit on our deck and eat dinner.

I love my yard. The landscaping keeps the neighbors in their own yard, so even when they had a party and football game the other night, our yard was still blessedly private and quiet. We had our own dinner outside too. I love privacy: good fences truly do make good neighbors (and we don’t even have fences; just perfect yards!!).

In the fall, I go to the library and it’s not overrun with noisy, cranky kids. In the fall, I go to the park and there aren’t any big kids sharing sand with Paul (I hate sand). In the fall, I can call up my friends and schedule play dates again, since the big kids are back in school.

In retrospect, I realize now how much I didn’t finish over those crazy weeks called “summer.” Why did they feel so crazy? It seemed all the people we met with were on “hyper” mode, trying to fit things in to the short time.

We didn’t do any fun “activities,” per se, and our budget kept us close to home (until we finally made it to Utah in September!!). But Paul and I both had a great summer all the same. Paul played with his cousins a few times, we visited Grandma and Grandpa in Naperville a few times, and we did little things together, just the two of us.

I’m realized I’m just not an activity girl. I’d rather sit and chat with people than “do” something “exciting.”

As I ponder the fact that I’m a sitter and not a “do-er,” I realize that my son may miss out on some things. He’s not going to have memories of busy childhood summers. Ever. I know I’m not going to drag him around all over the place next year either. We’ll do the special things that he loves: playing on the swing set, going to the library, going to the petting zoo and park, playing with friends, going on picnics. Maybe next year we’ll find some new favorite thing to do together. But I’m not a “crazy summer activities” Mom and I never will be. I like to keep life simple.

Paul is the happiest, least cranky kid I know, and I sincerely believe that a regular nap and bedtime schedule helps him to be so. In order for him to get his sleep, we sometimes have to say “no thanks” to some of those “crazy” activities in order to be home by sleep time. And you know what? I really like it that way.

As he gets closer to age two, Paul is becoming more independent. He resists obeying, and he’s begun to have screaming fits when I misunderstand what he says or when I decline his requests. The next few months of autumn will be interesting as I adjust to this new personality he’s developing. And yet, he’s still, overall, an incredibly happy, well-adjusted boy.

I suspect he’ll turn out just fine, our non-exciting summer be darned.