Category Archives: Womanhood

Two Years!

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Two years ago, Caroline Rose Reid pushed her way in to the world. She looked around the room with wide eyes and did not say anything. The nurses pinched her, rubbed her, washed, poked needles in her and still she looked at them and did not say anything. Then, she closed her eyes and went to sleep.

Two days later and she still had not cried. She was in a warming bed in the Special Care Nursery where, when she woke, a nurse was right there to change her, call me to come feed her, and otherwise hold her to keep her calm.

But Caroline was calm. She was taking it all in. The lights, the noises, the comfort. Why would she cry? She had it all.

The nurses laughed when we expressed concern over her lack of crying. “She’ll figure it out,” they insisted.

Were they ever right! Caroline is a bundle of energy and noise, a package of life and emotion. She laughs, she screams, she loves.

And we love her. Her first words each morning are a call for Paul. His first words are the question, “Can I go talk to Caroline?” (when her door is still closed in the morning).

Caroline follows us around and insists on “I do it!” and “Me!” She knows the concepts of “mine!” and “Share!” and won’t hesitate to tell you what she wants. She won’t hesitate to tell you want she does not want, too, and if she does not want what you want her to do, she will not let you do it.

She’s sensitive and selfish, crying with others who are sad (or asking “are you okay?”) and screaming if she does not get what she wants in any given moment.

She’s wiggly and cuddly, wiggly when it’s a quiet moment (such as sacrament meeting) and cuddly when the lights are low and she is sleepy.

She’s a bundle of fun, as she pretends: her fork is a dancing monkey, or her sippy cup of milk is sleepy, and wants a lullaby or she is a fish swimming through the bathtub.

She’s as tender as a new mother when she holds her baby dolls, singing the songs I sing to her.

She’s as wild as an animal as she runs into the water, jumping and splashing and dunking her own head under, only to come up sputtering and coughing with a laugh on her face.

We love Caroline. I can’t wait to see how this already talking toddler baby becomes a little girl in the next year. Although, I kind of want to hold her tight and cherish her toddler-hood for the next twenty years!

Procrastination

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I stare at the basket for days. Each morning I dig through it, looking for what a need. I hate it. I don’t want to do the chore. I’ll put it off another hour. Another afternoon. Maybe tomorrow?

Finally, the time comes to do yet another load of laundry. I realize that I must fold those close and put them away. Either that, or I need to get another couple of laundry baskets.

I time myself.

Five minutes. It takes me five minutes to empty the basket. True, two days ago it was more full than it is now. But add two days of clothes to the basket and it may have taken seven minutes. Why did I stare at it for two days, hating it and dreading it, when in seven minutes it could have been gone from my mind?

And yet, I do it every week. Every day, really. I procrastinate dinner planning.   procrastinate toilet scrubbing. I procrastinate scripture reading.

It’s not hard to do these things. It’s not even unenjoyable. I like reading scriptures! I like having a clean and not-nasty bathroom! It’s just hard to take that step and make that decision.

As we listened to general conference this weekend, I felt a bit chastised in some ways as I pondered my role as wife and mother. Of course, I’m not doing everything I need to be doing to relish this stage of my life. I will never be perfect in this life and I accept that and realize that, etc. That’s not what I realized.

The other day, I tried to define love to someone and I realized that love is a commitment. Loving this role of motherhood — and loving life! — requires commitment to every little annoying aspect of it. Folding that basket of laundry now, changing yet another poop-filled diaper, making dinner (again!) — these are the things that show my love of life. And procrastinating does not make me feel good. I hate it. I’ve got to stop it.

And I’ve got to read those scriptures.

Staring at the blank blog post screen has also been a procrastination method of mine. I’m going to reinstate this old blogging habit too so I can hold myself accountable.

Welcome to my journey.

And Paul is six years old today. How did that happen so fast? I can’t procrastinate or I’ll miss the enjoyment of this all as life gets swallowed up in my stupid annoyance at that unfolded basket of laundry…

Easter

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On the way home from Grandma’s house last night, where some “bunny” had left candy-filled eggs, a sleepy boy asked, “When we get home, can we search the house to see if the Easter bunny came?”

“No,” I said. “It will be late and I know he didn’t come to our house too.”

“How can you be so sure?” he asked.

(And this is where I decide it’s time to ruin his childhood. Really, Santa I don’t mind, but the whole Easter bunny thing really is silly to me. Bunnies don’t even lay eggs. Why isn’t it the Easter chick? Why do we have to pretend it is any one other than me, going in the other room which he saw me do to put the candy he saw me buy in to hiding places?)

So I answer:

“Because I’m the Easter bunny.”

There was silence for a few seconds. Was he surprised? Was he devastated? Then….

“How do you get to all the houses to leave all those eggs?”

Spotlight on Caroline, Age 9 Months

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While we were in Nauvoo, Caroline turned 9 months old!

Caroline loves people. She can be surrounded by toys but if there is not a person nearby, she will not be happy. She wants to be with people. Most of the time, it doesn’t matter who it is. If the person is smiling, Caroline is too. When she sees someone new, she’ll stop what she’s doing and wave “hi.” It even sounds like she says “hi” to them! Her big brother is one of her favorite people to watch. Even when she’s just waking up, if she hears her brother’s voice she is very excited and looks around for him. Caroline is a social creature. There is an exception: if Mama is in the room, she wants Mama and no one else! Not even Daddy is desired if she is sleepy: she wants her mama.

Caroline loves music. Caroline laughs and cheers and claps her hands when music begins. I’m begining to notice that she really does want that lullaby before bedtime. She loves to “sing” along during hymns at church, she loves to listen to Paul’s creative songs just for her, and she loves to hear Daddy play the piano. This is child who will treasure music in her life, even more so that Paul did as a baby and now as a child.

Caroline loves moving. Whether she is clapping her hands or army crawling to an attractive item or squirming and dancing to a song, Caroline likes to be a part of things. If she is down on the floor, she wants to stand. If she’s standing, she wants to move around the table and grab that shiny thing over there.

Caroline is petite. She’s in the 30th percentile for height and still 15th-20th percentile for weight. She’s 16 lbs and some odd ounces, and she’s rounding out like a baby should. But she is definitely not a fat baby. She is perfect sized, and I love that she still loves to cuddle. She fits in the corner of my arm just right.

Caroline is awake. She does not want to nap, and never has. But she’s getting better at letting herself fall asleep. Somehow we spoiled her and for a while she would not sleep without being held. She’d scream if she was put down! She wanted to nurse if she woke in the night and it was quite exhausting because she’d scream otherwise. If something was going on around her, she would not fall asleep. She’d stare at the moving TV screen til past 10 p.m., but she would not go to sleep. It was exhausting just watching her droopy eyes.

Caroline likes bling. Glasses, belt buckles, earrings, necklaces, shiny stickers, shiny keys: if an object is shiny or bright, Caroline makes a bee-line for it! It will probably end up in her mouth. The other day at a restaurant, Daddy handed her a few dollar bills. Caroline, amazingly, did not put it in her mouth. She had this look of amazement as she looked at Daddy and looked at the money and turned it over and over, amazed that she was able to hold it. She did the same with his credit card. But that did end up in her mouth. Dangerous! Let’s not love bling and money too much, dear little girl.

Caroline loves to nurse, and food is okay sometimes too. Some days, Caroline could not care less about food. She just wants to nurse. And now she does not even want a bottle anymore. But she is starting to expect food more and more. Yesterday she was very excited to eat food.

I love my darling girl. I can’t believe she’s nearly a year old already. I hope we can treasure these baby days a little longer … and that she does not start walking quite yet! She’s so cuddly and adorable, I love her.

Note: all videos recorded by big brother Paul during our Thanksgiving road trip.

Spotlight on Paul, Age 5

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Five years ago, I awoke knowing I’d be meeting my baby soon. It was time for him to be born. When he was first put in my arms, I was in love. He was long and slippery. His eyes were open and he was looking around at everything. He did not make a sound but just looked. Today, Paul is a tall, skinny, cheerful boy. I look at him and I am amazed at how old he is. Here are some facts about him.

Paul is a morning person. He wakes in the morning and comes straight to see me with a great big smile. He usually has a dream to tell me about. He will get comfortable and begin telling his story. Paul has things to do in the mornings. He’s generally excited about everything, from starting school work to eating breakfast. Sometimes, he’s even excited to do chores in the morning time! Morning is a delightful place for Paul.

Paul has an active imagination. He is frequently telling me about his imaginary friends that are arriving, calling him, and having their own adventures. I already mentioned that Paul has dreams. Sometimes these dreams are scary and it’s amazing to me the things he thinks of. (One nightmare entailed a whale who came across North America to attack him while he was playing on the beach of the Mississippi River…) Paul finds mirrors to be an entrance into a new world (Some day, I’ll get him to read Lewis Carroll with me!). He frequently talks to himself as he washes his hands in the bathroom, as we pass mirrors in stores or in public restrooms. But then, he clarifies that he is not talking to himself, he’s talking to his friend in the mirror.

And as we learn things for school, he puts his own imagination in to what may have happened. Take this paragraph he narrated to me about Columbus, for example. He had to act out the native’s response with gusto.

How Columbus Knew About North America

Once upon a time, there were people who wanted to go to Asia. They wanted to go to Asia because they wanted to get spices. They were in Europe. They sailed in ships West. When they got to land, there were many people. They thought they were over in Asia in India. Then, they started calling those people Indians because that is who they thought they were. And then many people died. Then, Columbus said, “We have new land!” And the Indians said, “No! We live here. Ehhhhhh, I’m dying.” And then Columbus lived happily ever after. The End.

Paul gets distracted. The opposite side of an active imagination is the fact that always imagining new things means he frequently gets derailed from whatever he is doing (washing his hands, getting dressed, cleaning his bedroom, doing a math worksheet) to have a conversation, rescue a friend from a fire, or telephone a friend. He is frequently saying, “Oops, I got distracted!” when I ask if he’s ready to go. But he is generally happy in his own world.

Paul is excited and energetic.I almost feel like he changed in to a new person about a month ago. He’s always had energy, but now, out of the blue, he is running in circles, jumping, dancing, singing, yelling, and otherwise expressing excitement all day long. Apparently, this is normal for five-year-old kids. It creates a bit more chaos in my life than I like but it is delightful to observe. On the rare moments when we are cleaning the house in the morning (usually we do it in the afternoons when he’s a bit more whiny) he is extra excited to help. The other day he said to me with lots of excitement: “Hey, Mom! I have an idea! Let’s clean the bathrooms everyday!” The day before, on the other hand, he cried and had a fit when it came time to clean.

Paul is curious and interested. He bombards me with questions: How does the traffic light know when to change color? How did God create the earth? Why does the car need fuel? How does a fish breathe underwater? Why can I see the moon during the day? Together we find the answers. He loves it. He loves to learn, and he loves to question. He is learning multiplication as well as addition and subtraction and he loves to figure things out (most of the time). He also loves to tell other people what he’s learned.

For example, I overheard this while Paul was playing with another 4 or 5 year old child in the library. Paul: “Well, our block tower fell down because of grabity.” Other child: “This one didn’t fall because it doesn’t have grabity.” Paul: “There still is grabity. Grabity is a force pulling every thing down. See? [He picks up a block and drops it from shoulder height.] That’s grabity!”

Paul loves his sister. He is constantly helping her be happy, laugh with her, teach her things, share toys and books with her. He loves her so much that she is often the first person he looks for in the morning (if she’s awake). He loves to tell me what she’s doing, what she needs, and why he loves her. Sometimes he’s a bit rough, but that’s just the energetic stage of life he’s in.

Paul is emotional. Again, I think this is partly just being a five-year-old kid learning to navigate strong emotions. On the other hand, he tends to have melt-downs when he’s overtired. I think there is some anxiety going on to, probably inherited since I have similar issues. It hurts to see him struggle, but I hope we can learn to deal with it together.

Paul is five! He just walked in and he wants me to add that. Now that he is five, he can get his library card!!! (tomorrow) He can jump really high.

Happy birthday, Paul! I’m so proud of all you can do … and all that you will learn to do in the coming year now that you are five years old!

The School Room and the School Schedule

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In January, we moved my desk in to the office with Ryan’s. We also set up a desk for Paul. This was nice because we were all together. But now Caroline is too big for a bouncer. And let’s face it: when Ryan’s working from home, it would be nicer to have more space for everyone! Ryan wanted to go downstairs into the unfinished portion of the basement. I think he loves it so far because he can play his music and all that. Anyway, it seems to be working for us too.

Here’s the school room now.

Mom and Paul do school every morning, starting right after breakfast. First we read two paragraphs in the Gospel Principles manual on my nook and talk about the concepts. Paul loves this. I let him click on the scriptures and we follow footnotes and scripture trails until he gets tired. We do this for about 20-30 minutes most mornings.

Then we go upstairs and do a math page. Sometimes we do a page in Miquon math, which is a mix of conceptually taught math concepts. We learn the concepts behind the operations using manipulatives like C-rods. So far, he’s already been introduced to addition, subtraction, and multiplication. He likes it, but we break it up with Singapore Math, which seems a little easier (he’s at the beginning of the book instead of halfway through it!). We’ll do a little of each each week.

Then we do a few spelling words, where Paul uses a magnetic board and tiles (with the phonograms on them, not just letters) to spell a fw words. We usually do five words. Then, if we have time, Paul gives me a spelling lesson and I do the same with tiles.

Paul and I also are going to learn about American history this year. Last week, it was basic U.S. geographical features (We read about Paul Bunyan and labeled his “formations” on the map) and this week we learned about different Native American houses in different parts of the country. I plan on taking this very easy and just covering what he’s interested in each week, within reason. Next week it’s about the Vikings.

We read The Magic School Bus, we watch science and history videos on Discovery Education every now and then (Thanks, Grandma!), we watch Sid the Science Kid, and we follow Paul’s lead at to what he’s interested in learning (this week he wanted to read about the seasons). He has a lined journal I ask him to write something (anything) in each week, and I plan on having him copy one sentence in to a History journal about American history so he’ll have a record of everything we learned. (For example, this week’s sentence is “Many people lived in America before 1492.”) We’ll see how that goes.

Paul loves to learn. So far, with school being finished by 9 or 9:30 every morning, he’s enjoyed it. There was one day in the seven we’ve had so far when he had a melt-down at 4+4 and he tends to react strongly against practicing his handwriting, but in general I think this year will be an enjoyable time at home! He also has a co-op three Fridays a month (he loved the first day last week!), storytime one day a week, and maybe another group play day on Wednesdays too. We’ll see if that is too much.

Hooray for homeschooling!

Rooty the Carrot and a Mammal Hunt

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Our library’s summer reading program has a theme of “Reading is So Delicious!” Going along with that, we had the chance to check out a carrot named Rooty to take with us on our adventures.

Last week, we took Rooty with us as we went on a “mammal hunt.” Paul has been learning about mammals (versus everything else) so our trip to the Barnyard Zoo and then our Trip to the EIEIO exhibit at the Discovery Center Museum was a fun time to talk practically about which animals were mammals and which were not. We visited the Discovery Center Museum on two different days.

Digging for Fossils at the Discovery Center Museum

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Caroline had fun too. (This is our toy from home.)

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At the Barnyard Zoo
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At the Discovery Center Museum Again
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Thoughts on Four Years and Four Months

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Today was Caroline’s four-month doctor’s visit. She is 11 pounds, 7 ounces, and is 23 inches long. That’s the 10th percentile. She’s gained exactly 4 pounds and grown 4 inches since she was born. She’s petite but in normal ranges.

She is, for the most part, a very happy girl. Today is an exception. She was okay for the two hours after her immunizations this morning, but now she’s crying pretty constantly, wondering why she’s in pain. Paul is walking around with his hands over his ears. “Can you tell Caroline to be quiet?” he recently asked.

On a normal day, Caroline loves to see happy faces. She delights in being with others and demands that she be up in her high chair where she can see us eating our dinner and so forth. If she’s away from the action, she’ll cry very vigorously, demanding attention.

Right now, I’m in the midst of a de-spoiling process. This means that I’m letting her cry herself to sleep at night when I know she’s ready to go to sleep, and I’m trying to not feel guilty when I put her down to clear the dinner dishes or go to the bathroom(!) or otherwise let her be by herself for a few minutes. She’s a very social little girl so she doesn’t like being alone. It’s hard to let her cry, but she must learn, right?

Caroline loves to smile and laugh, and Paul is a central part of her daily joy. She loves to watch him walking around the room, to smile at his songs, and to listen to what he has to say and the stories he likes to read. I can already see her adoration of her big brother as she brightens when he approaches her with his love and attention.

The love and attention is not one sided. Paul loves to be near his sister. He loves to help her be happy, to tell her stories, and to read her books. He remembers to include her in every game and he cannot wait until she is a “kid”. Even as a baby, though, he’s tender and loving to her, giving her big hugs and kisses.

I love to watch these two special spirits interact. I know there will be plenty of times when they are tired of each other. As I mentioned, Paul does not like the loud crying and when she’s finally old enough to play, I suspect he’ll be a bit annoyed at her destroying his Lego creations or what not. But in general, I see love and adoration coming from both of them. Caroline will love her brother as she gets older: she doesn’t know life without him. And Paul, who did “long long ago before Caroline was born” (his words) live a life without a little sister, will certainly care for his little sister and protect her as much as he can. He will teach her important things and he will make her laugh throughout her life. He will find such joy in his role as big brother.

I look forward to the coming months as I watch these two special spirits interacting and learning from each other! I am so grateful that Paul can have a sibling to learn from and to serve! I’m so grateful that Caroline has joined our family. I wouldn’t have our family any different.

And It Came to Pass

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I have been thinking of this phrase. We had a speaker at Stake Conference a few months ago that used this phrase as a basis for his talk. It is the regular phrase of The Book of Mormon, the first words my son pretended to read when it was his turn at age 2.

I see it in terms of motherhood. A year ago in January, I had a miscarriage after a year of trying to conceive. I thought maybe I’d never have another child! And then, it came to pass, that I did get pregnant and almost four months ago it came to pass that I did have a baby. Those six extra months don’t seem like a big deal any more.

I see it in terms of happiness and priorities. I struggle with depression, and I have for just about two decades. And it came to pass that I look back now and see so many wonderful times and happy days. I don’t see the rotten, spend-the-day-crying days.

I see it in terms of learning and growing. Sometimes I wonder if I’m any closer to my Heavenly Father than I was as a missionary a decade ago. And it came to pass that I am at peace with my relationship with Heavenly Father. I see growth, especially as I revisit old journals.

And it came to pass that I got older.

It kind of saddens me if I think about this for too long, simply because I know that before I know it, I’ll be 80 years old and close to the end of my earthly life. And it will come to pass that I will look back and say to myself, “how did all these things come to pass so quickly?”

Right now the difficult days don’t always seem quick. But it surely will when I sit and look back and say, “Wow, all these wonderful things came to pass!”

I really want to treasure these days of young motherhood. They are passing so rapidly!