Tag Archives: trials

The Ethics of Bribery

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I am facing a dilemma in my Sunday school class. I prepare good lessons. I love the gospel and I have a testimony of it. But my class just doesn’t want to listen.

I guess that means that I’m a boring teacher, so my lessons must not be as good as I think. But I assume a 12-year-old can sit still for 35 minutes, read the scriptures with me, and get something out of it. Is that asking too much?

I talked with Sister C, who taught them last year. She said she had an agreement with the most talkative girl in the class: she’d give her something if she behaved each week. I don’t know what the reward was, but I assume it was edible.

Now, I have qualms about feeding my class, as well as bribing them. The FAQs page online for Primary even says not to bring snacks:

What is the policy for food in Primary? Food should only be provided when it is included as part of a lesson or as a snack for the children in the nursery class. Be sure to consult with the parents of each child about any dietary restrictions that may be caused by conditions such as diabetes or allergies (see Church Handbook of Instructions, Book 2, 239).

This isn’t primary. This is Sunday school. They are even older. Besides, the physical facilities rules should say not to have food in the classrooms. Yes, people do it all the time, but shouldn’t we know better?

Like I said, I assume a 12-year-old can listen to a teacher for 35 minutes. They’re old enough to respect the scriptures. These kids have been members their entire lives and their parents are active. They should know better. I say I shouldn’t have to bribe them.

However, that still leaves me with a dilemma: a rowdy class. What are your thoughts on bribing the class with food? I hate the idea, but if everyone in the cyberworld agrees that it is the only way, maybe I need to reconsider.

Lesson 6: Adversity Can Help Us Grow

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Since my class didn’t have a substitute — other than the teacher next door, who taught Book of Mormon — they are now three weeks behind. I will have to merge lessons, but I really don’t want to shorten the next three. They are so important! It’s my current challenge, or, if you will, a tiny little “adversity.”

In 2 Nephi, chapter 2, Lehi explained to his son Jacob why we need adversity to learn (verses 11, 16, 22-23). When we compare our lives to life in the Garden of Eden, we see that life would be lacking if there wasn’t opposition. As I mentioned when I shared my thoughts about the Garden of Eden, it’s clear to me that opposition is necessary. I used the example of childbirth: it was horrible, but I learned so much.

In that same chapter of the Book of Mormon, we read about a person who faced adversity (2 Nephi 2:1-2). Jacob was “afflicted” because of his brothers. When I think that Laman and Lemuel tried to kill Nephi multiple times, I think that Jacob must have really struggled as a young boy trying to learn the gospel! And yet, Lehi says that Jacob nevertheless was strong in the faith. I think his trials as a child made him stronger.

Let’s read about other examples of adversity. As we read, think about how we can prepare for adversity.

In the first, a parable, there are two people facing adversity (Matthew 7:24-27). This is a story we’ve known since primary when we sang it:

The wise man built his house upon the rock,
And the rains came tumbling down.
The rains came down, and the floods came up,
And the house on the rock stood still.
The foolish man built his house upon the sand
And the rains came tumbling down.
The rains came down, and the floods came up
And the house on the sand washed away.

When I was young, I thought of this song as a “fun song” after all, there are hand motions. I didn’t realize it was a spiritual song. It is talking about Christ, and how we need to build a foundation on Christ:

And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall. –Helaman 5:12

Life is hard because there is adversity in it, and there is no promise that it will be easy for us: we knew it would be hard when we agreed to come to earth. But we can rely on Christ and make him our foundation as we go through hard times.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. –Matthew 11:28-30

(Note, and this is just me: I don’t think he’s saying things will be easy if we turn to him. He’s saying his yoke is easy. I think that means that it is easy to turn to Him and make Him a part of our lives. He’s there for us. We still may have a hard life, filled with adversity, even by depending on Christ. The man with a house upon a rock still had to face the rains. But Christ can help us, and we’ll have a foundation that is sturdy. We can trust Christ to always be there.)

Here are some scriptural examples of adversity.

  • Jonah 1:1-17; 2:1, 10; 3:1-3
  • 1 Nephi 16:18-27, 30-32
  • D&C 121:heading, 1-2, 6, 7-8 and D&C 122:5-9

As we read, we’ll answer these questions:

  • Who had the trial?
  • What trial did he have?
  • Why did he have this trial?
  • What did he learn?

Some adversity is our own fault: we sin and thus bring adversity upon ourselves (as Jonah did and as we do when we break the commandments). Other adversity doesn’t come from sin but from the circumstances we are in (Nephi’s bow broke; our car didn’t start; our dinner burned, which technically is our fault but we didn’t intend for it to happen). Still other trials come because other people are exercising their agency (Nephi’s family complained against him; enemies put Joseph Smith in jail; our little brother lost our favorite book). But ultimately, adversity can strengthen us. We can’t complain too much: as the Lord reminded Joseph Smith, the Son of Man descended beneath all of us: He suffered for all of us already. If we say it’s too hard, we’re saying we’re greater than He is.

Let’s not pretend our adversity is that bad. By relying on Christ and making Him our foundation, we can get through any rains that may come.

Lesson 6 of 45

A poem for the IRS

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How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.
I hate thee for the withheld taxes I want to spend
And for the forms that never end,
And for all the complications — I am dazed.
I hate thee for the time you take. For days
I agonize as I calculate, and the numbers blend:
I hate thee from the first line until the end.
I hate thee presently, as I long for May.
I hate thee sluggishly, for the work is so slow.
Finding an error-filled column again, I groan.
I hate thee with my mind, heart, and soul.
With my hard-earned money, I hate thee with a moan,
Tears, agony, the same each year! — and, yet I know,
I shall but hate thee less a refund sent.

Note: Unless your tax situation deals with capital gains, itemization, two workers, multiple states, multiple countries, new children, and the previous five years, I don’t want to hear about it!

P.S. My husband wonders if I have anything better to do than write pretty bad amateur poetry. Silly question!

Reid Family Picture

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At Christmas time, we decided to have a family portrait taken. Our son was just two months old. I found a morning session (10:30, when he’s usually happy!) at a photograph studio at the mall. That morning, I agonized over what to wear and what he should wear. He looked nice and he was happy. Even my husband, who hates having his picture taken, was happy to have his picture taken that day. We left at 9:50 or so. The mall was only about 10 minutes away, so that left plenty of time.

An hour later, we were still circling the parking lot. Every isle in the parking lot at the mall was full of dozens of cars: we were all driving down each isle, looking for an empty spot. I was pulling out my hair. My husband was clenching his teeth. Only Paul was oblivious to the situation: he was asleep.

We went home.

After Christmas, I called the same photography studio and scheduled another session a few weeks away. Paul would be three months old. It would be a nice picture.

It turned out I had surgery the day before. I wasn’t feeling very smiley, so we canceled that session.

Still no family picture.

You could say, “why don’t you set up the tripod and just take it yourself?” We’ve tried that. It takes a minute per shot and you have to take dozens and dozens of shots to get a good one. They just never look right. Besides, the lighting is off in a room; a studio would look better.

We were planning on coming to the States. In my research, I found that it is half as much for a photography session at a similar mall photography studio in the US. I started making calls. But we ended up running errands just about every day in Chicago. We didn’t have time to go to a studio. We went on to Utah: we couldn’t find a recommended studio and again we didn’t have time.

What did we do? We asked my husband’s brother, Alex, to take our family portrait. And they turned out great. Thank you so much!

Without further ado, here’s the final product (with a 4-month-old Paul), courtesy Alex.

IMG_9656.hr

Healing

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The surgeon cut me open four times. Three cuts were half an inch. The last was one inch. He removed one of my organs (my gallbladder) through one of them.

For one week, I left the waterproof bandages on. I had bled, and the bandages were weary. My muscles were sore, like someone had punched me in the gut. I rested. But then I stood up. I swept the floor. I picked up my baby, and I went to the grocery store. I lived.

After one week, a nurse removed the bandages and the stitches.

Now, four bright red lines mark the spots. The skin has come together. There is no more blood oozing, there is no more pain. My body has healed itself.

As I look at my week-old wounds, I think one word: Miracle. My body is a miracle.

Your body, whatever its natural gifts, is a magnificent creation of God. It is a tabernacle of flesh–a temple for your spirit. A study of your body attests to its divine design.

Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend.

Mosiah 4:9

Watching my body heal has strengthened my testimony of God’s majesty.

Lesson 4: The Atonement of Jesus Christ

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I have procrastinated preparing this lesson, quite simply because I don’t see how I can possibly help four 12-year-olds gain an appreciation for the Atonement of Jesus Christ in 30 minutes. I feel this is the most important lesson in the book, and I don’t know where to begin.

Obviously, testimony is the most crucial aspect of any lesson: I know I can bear my testimony.

I guess the best place to begin is where we left off in last week’s lesson.

Because Adam and Eve transgressed in the Garden of Eden, they gained knowledge of good and evil. Physical death entered the world, which meant that our bodies and spirits would be separated. Adam’s transgression also allowed spiritual death to enter the world (Doctrine and Covenants 29:40-41).

We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression. –Article of Faith 2

That’s good news: Adam’s transgression doesn’t automatically mean we’re all punished. But the problem is that we all will sin. Sin makes us unclean, and “no unclean thing can dwell with God” (1 Nephi 10:21).

Here’s the good news for all of us:

We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel. –Article of Faith 3

Without a Savior, we’d be dead twice: physically and spiritually. Physically, our bodies would not be united with our spirits. Spiritually, we’d be denied the presence of God because we are unclean. Jesus Christ was chosen to be the Savior. His resurrection makes it possible for each of us to be resurrected and thus overcome physical death. Also, because He willingly gave his life for each of us and paid the price for our sins, we can each be forgiven for the sins we commit so that we can become clean again. We can dwell with God again.

The plan of Heavenly Father required justice: the sins must be paid for. A Savior provides mercy: we have a chance to return to our Heavenly Father. The law of justice is met because the price for the sin is paid, and the law of mercy is met because Christ has mercy on each of us, who are imperfect.

The Mediator

The mediator in this film (the debtor’s friend) said that he would pay the debt and become the debtors new creditor. The debtor would have to repay the debt on the creditors terms.

Similarly, in our lives, the Savior gives us clear instructions on what we must do to receive the blessings of the Atonement in our lives.

Everyone who has or will come to earth will receive the blessing of resurrection and thus be saved from physical death. But to be saved from spiritual death, we must rely on the Mediator to pay the price for our sins. Then, if we do not meet the creditor’s terms, that is, if we do not repent, we will have to suffer for our own sins (Doctrine and Covenants 19:17-18) because that is how justice will be met.

I know Christ did suffer so that we might be saved. We must believe in Christ, follow and obey Him, and repent of our sins. How grateful I am to have a Mediator, who will pay my debt!

Lesson 4 of 45

Lesson 3: The Fall of Adam and Eve

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Sometimes I think it would be nice to live in a world with no sickness, no sorrow, and no pain. What would such a world be like?

I’ll begin with the trivial: I wouldn’t be uncomfortably hot during the summer. Now, on hot days, I hope for a short summer and early autumn. Of course, I wouldn’t have any uncomfortably cold wintery days either. But, without the extreme weather, I wouldn’t appreciate spring and autumn weather. By eliminating unpleasant weather, pleasant weather gets very boring.

Then I think about a world void of sicknesses and pain. I’ve always been healthy and lacked major health problems. That has changed in the past four months. (Having a baby helps your body fall apart, I guess.) I would love to eliminate pain and sickness from my life! Ironically, though, it is only now that I’ve regularly experienced ill health that I recognize what a blessing it was to have had good health. Every day that I am not ill is a very good day (there still are plenty of those), and some days I feel great! By being ill, I appreciate so much more being well. (However, I really do look forward to not being ill on a regular basis.)

It might sound nice initially, but a world without sickness, sorrow, pain, and sin would lack all enjoyment as well.

In the beginning, Adam and Eve lived in such a world.

When they were first placed there, they were given two commandments:

  1. Multiply and replenish the earth (Genesis 1:28)
  2. Don’t partake of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil (Genesis 2:16-17)

And here lies the most complex irony: because the garden was a place of innocence, Adam and Eve couldn’t fulfill the first commandment without breaking the second.

When Adam and Eve did choose to partake of the fruit, they committed a transgression, not a sin. Because there was nothing inherently wrong with partaking of the fruit, it was not a sin to partake of it, even though it was a commandment not to.

I like this comparison: A parent tells a child to never cross the street. Does the parent have a reason for the rule? Yes. But is it inherently wrong to cross the street? No. At some point in his life, the child needs to cross the street.

Eve had a dilemma. She had to choose to sacrifice her painless world of innocence in order to gain experience and to bear children. She did not know what the experience would be because she’d never before experienced it. No human had experienced it. It’s hard to choose to experience the unknown. And yet, she wanted to gain experience and she wanted to raise children.

I feel close to her dilemma. A little more than three months ago, I went through incredible pains to bring a child into the world. It was horrible. I thought I was going to die. I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to give up. Why can’t we have children without the pain?

Well, that’s not the plan, and I’m not talking about the lack of drugs. (I imagine childbirth is still quite painful with drugs.) There is much pain in raising a child, beyond childbirth. The plan of our Heavenly Father is to learn from experience. Experience sometimes entails fear and pain, but it also includes incredible happiness. There is supposed to be opposition as we experience the good.

Eve could only bear children by giving up innocence. I can’t speak for Eve, but because I went through that painful experience of childbirth:

  • I have the most beautiful, perfect little boy to raise.
  • I learned a lot about my abilities to do what I have to do.
  • I gained an incredible spiritual closeness to my Heavenly Father.
  • I am learning every day from my child.

I think childbirth is an incredible miracle. But it required going through a very challenging experience. It required that I not live in a perfect world, void of pain and sorrow.

Adam [and Eve] fell that man [and woman] might be, and men [and women] are that they might have joy. 2 Nephi 2:25

I’m grateful for the Fall of Adam and Eve. It meant I could come to earth. It meant I can bear children. It meant that I can have my joy multiplied as I Experience. And truly, my family is my greatest joy.

Lesson 3 of 45

Melting into the New Year

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We’re melting this week.

We have something in common with all you winter people: it’s 35 degrees outside!

The difference, of course, is that our 35 degrees is in Celsius and your 35 degrees is in Fahrenheit. Oh wait, I just checked the forecast: you’re below 35 degrees now.

We’re melting.

It would be so nice to have a nice snowball fight, to rub ice cold snow on the nape of my neck, to feel a bitter cold wind against my face. If only we could just sit in the winter air for just for an hour or two. It would a welcome respite from this already unbearably hot summer.

Even with the swamp cooler running all day, it’s 30 degrees inside.

I never thought I’d be cooped up inside on New Years because of the heat, but that’s what’s happening.

It’s just so hot.

We hope your New Year is not too hot and not too cold! Happy New Year!

The Need to be an Optimist

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I have recently observed that I am very pessimistic. I worry about my son dying of SIDS (chance: 50 of 100,000). I worry about the car falling off the edge of the mountain as we drive around sharp corners. I worry about a rock piercing the car tire and leaving us stranded in the middle of nowhere. (Can a rock even do that?)

And yet, as Boyd K. Packer said (Ensign, November 1977),

Somewhere there is a message in the protest of a man who said: “You can’t tell me worry doesn’t help. The things I worry about never happen.”

By extension, then, the things I do not worry about do happen.

This is our garage ceiling the day before we left town for our Christmas vacation:

IMG_6265LR[1]

Apparently, three days of spring rain flowed through a leak in our roof. The buildup of water subsequently leaked through the ceiling and collapsed through the dry wall in a big gush of water.

There has been another Disaster recently, this one involving a litre of vegetable oil in the trunk of the car. I don’t want to talk about it.

Whatever is going to happen will happen, whether or not I agonize about it first. I really ought to let go. Life will be more pleasant. And then I wont be afraid to live and take chances. (My “chances” will be within reason, of course. I am still me, after all; I am conservative in the risks I take.) I need to be realistic in the things I think about and concern myself with what is important.

Therefore, my first New Years goal is to not worry. I promise I won’t post pessimistic things on this webpage. And I’m going to let go of my worries. It’s time I embrace optimism or, at the very least, realism.

Survey Says…

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I got a call the other day from a student at Melbourne University. She called me as a follow up to a survey I agreed to participate in when I was in the hospital. They ask me questions while in the hospital, at 4-6 weeks, and at 6 months. Then they compare the answers to determine changing perceptions.

One question was as follows: How would you rate the level of pain you experienced during your labor and delivery, 1 being the worst possible pain and 5 being no pain at all?

I thought a moment and answered 2.

I have reflected since then. Did I say 1 when I was in the hospital?

I am glad I wrote about the childbirth experience right after it happened, because I guess already I’m forgetting how bad it was. The great cuddly moments with my son are mellowing out the memory of labor. How I love being a mother!

My husband and I watched Bill Cosby’s take on natural childbirth the other day. Here it is, in two parts (each is 5-6 minutes long).

Bill Cosby Natural Childbirth Part 1
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFMVeZyhagI]

Bill Cosby Natural Childbirth Part 2
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_w-AG_yF1Uw]

My comments: I really don’t think yelling at my husband would have helped at all! However, I may have yelled at him had he started into a cheer: “Push him out! Shove him out! Waaaaaaaay out!”