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Lesson 12: Repentance is a Blessing (A Study of Twelve-year-old Behavior)

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I realize the 12-year-olds in my class are not committing murder or smoking or doing anything really bad. They are good kids. I may not have prepared my lesson as best as I could, but they really took me off guard yesterday. Here’s a rundown of my class yesterday (it’s kind of long):

(I’ll call the class Mary, Sarah, Elizabeth, and John, just for privacy’s sake.)

We started by reading Alma 38:8. Mary had forgotten her scriptures. Our meeting house library only has spare scriptures in Chinese.

  • Me: Alma had to recognize he’s sinned: he felt the pain of guilt. The first part of repentance is recognizing you did something wrong. Why do you think we need to recognize that?
  • Sarah: So you can repent. Duh! Ew! Stop–that is so gross.
  • [Mary has taken a pushpin from the bulletin board and is popping the blister on her toe with it. I decide to ignore her. Why? I don’t know.]
  • Me: Ok, let’s read Doctrine and Covenants 58:38. John, can you read that?
  • Sarah: Ew! Now I need to wash my foot! [She storms out of the room.]
  • Elizabeth: What happened? [That’s what I’m thinking too.]
  • Mary: I bumped her foot with mine! [I don’t blame Sarah at this point: Mary has been popping blisters on her toe. I would want to wash my foot too.]
  • Me: OK, so what those verses said: What do we need to do to repent?
  • Elizabeth: Confess and Forsake.
  • Me: Good!Can you write that on the board? [Elizabeth volunteered before class to be scribe.]
  • Mary: You dummy! Confess has two S‘s.
  • Me: Let’s not call names. It doesn’t matter how it’s spelled. What does forsake mean?
  • Mary: It means, well, like “For your sake.”
  • Me: Not quite. It means “to give up.” Why do you think we need to give up our sins?
  • John: So we don’t do it again. To show we’re sorry and won’t do it again.
  • Me, glad someone is focused: Right. To show we won’t do it again: we really mean it! Another thing we have to do is keep the commandments. (Can you write that on the board, too?)
  • [Elizabeth has by now drawn an elaborate design beside the list of steps of repentance. She’s also written CTR! CHOOSE TO REPENT!]
  • Elizabeth: Oh, what am I suppose to write?
  • [Great, has she heard any of this?]
  • John: Keep the commandments!
  • Sarah, storming back into the room: That was the grossest thing in the world!
  • Me: Anyway, as I was saying. We need to not do it again. So if we’re sorry we hit our sister and we’re repenting for doing that, we need to not do it again.
  • Sarah: Well, except, some things we will do again. Like, I know I’ll hit my brother again.
  • Me: Well, if we are sincere in wanting to repent, we need to stop doing it.
  • Elizabeth: But I have to hit my sisters!
  • Me: Remember how we talked about the premortal life where Satan wanted to let us return to Heavenly Father but he wouldn’t give us a choice? Instead, we came to earth under Heavenly Father’s plan with Christ as our Savior, so what did Heavenly Father give us?
  • Elizabeth: Our agency!
  • Me: Exactly! So you can choose not to hit your brother.
  • Elizabeth: No, I can’t.
  • Sarah: I have to hit my brothers.
  • Mary: There is no choice in the matter.
  • John: I don’t hit my brother.
  • Mary: You only have one brother.
  • Sarah: Yeah, I have six siblings. I have to defend myself.
  • [Sarah has five siblings. I correct her and she says, no, her dad counts as a sibling. Great.]
  • Elizabeth: I have to fight.
  • Sarah: Ew! Stop it! That’s gross. [Mary has renewed the pushpin technique. Now she’s pricking her fingers.]
  • Me: Mary, will you stop poking yourself with a pushpin?!
  • [Mary puts the pushpin back into the board and sits and sulks.]
  • Me, to Elizabeth: Well, if your brother is mean to you, what choices do you have?
  • Elizabeth: To defend myself.
  • Me: And what other choice?
  • Elizabeth: To defend myself.
  • Me: And…
  • Elizabeth: To fight.
  • Me: You can choose not to fight.
  • Elizabeth: No, they’ll all say “What’s wrong with you?”
  • Sarah: Right. I have to defend myself.
  • Me: Ok, so anyway, Heavenly Father’s plan is that we repent and that we actually feel sorry when we repent.

We also talked about making restitution (apologizing, making up for what was wrong) after we do something and we read some more scriptures, but I couldn’t get them to stop claiming they must fight with their siblings. They don’t believe me when I say they have a choice. I couldn’t get Mary to participate after I called her off of her disgusting pop-the-blister kick.

Now, I know I fought with my sister. But I know I chose to fight with her. I know when I still argue with people that I’m choosing to argue. It’s my fault just as much as anyone else’s. It takes two to fight. I also think family discipline has something to do with it. I know Sarah’s family — they are a bit violent to each other in church; I can’t imagine how they would be at home. Case in point: John, who claims he doesn’t fight with his older brother, is a perfect, focused class-participant (most Sundays).

I really don’t remember what was like being twelve. I asked my husband what I can do. His answer? Don’t teach twelve-year-olds.
Here are my questions for you:

  1. Are all twelve-year-olds determined to fight with their siblings?
  2. How do I emphasize repentance when they think they have no choice in the matter (other than using a better example)?
  3. Also, when a class member is being distracting and popping blisters or being gross, how do I ask her to stop without making her annoyed and sullen the rest of the class?

Lesson 12 of 45

Lessons 9 and 10: Prayer and Fasting

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Last week, with only five minutes left in our class about prayer, I emphasized in my testimony that we should always pray –even if we don’t feel worthy. I asked the class if they knew the story of Alma the Younger. They knew it and told me about his repentance. I testified to them that even though he had sinned a lot, he still was able to pray to Heavenly Father; only after he prayed was he delivered. Therefore, we should always pray, even (and especially) when we’ve sinned and don’t feel like it.

“What if we do feel like praying?” someone asked. (I think she was trying to be difficult.)

“Of course, you should be praying then too,” I emphasized.

“So, in other words, we should always be praying,” someone else added.

That led right into the Alma 34:20-27.

I love prayer. I am so grateful for that connection with heaven. As a mother, I know I need the power of prayer to be a stronger part of my life than it has been. We really should be praying always!

And I think the concept of praying always leads very well into the concept of fasting for added strength, which is this week’s lesson.

I’m struggling with this lesson. It’s not that I don’t know what to say. I know what I’m going to do: there are great scriptures in the manual and a great quote from conference.

It’s just been such a long time since I’ve actually fasted.

I was pregnant for nine months and now I’ve been breastfeeding for six, so that means I have not physically fulfilled a complete fast for 15 months. On Fast Sundays, I still try to focus on spiritual matters and I eat less than I would normally — one bowl of cheerios instead of the sugary honey peanut corn flakes. But overall, I still feel like I’ve gone a long time without practicing this law. (Certain people have suggested to me that I could physically fast and still breastfeed fine, but I haven’t tried because I’m nervous about keeping a milk supply.)

What do you say? How I can be better at practicing the law of the fast, even when I technically cannot physically practice it? (I guess I also want to know if you think I’m being selfish by not fasting: did you fast while you were pregnant or breastfeeding?)

Lesson 8: The Three Kingdoms of Glory

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Just a note for anyone teaching twelve-year-olds about the three kingdoms of glory using the chart from the lesson manual: outer darkness is on the chart. Make sure you prepare yourself to steer the conversation away from outer darkness for the entire class.

For some reason, the twelve-year-olds in my class were quite interested in outer darkness: who will be sent to outer darkness, what are their chances of getting sent to outer darkness, and what happens in outer darkness.

I tried to explain to them that we don’t know a lot about outer darkness for a reason: we’re supposed to aim for the Celestial Kingdom, not outer darkness.

As for the Celestial Kingdom, we read the scripture that explains how a temple sealing is required for the highest glory of the Celestial Kingdom. My class was quite disgusted by that:

“I have to get married? I’m never getting married!” said one girl.

Another turned to me. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

“Maybe.”

“Did you always want to get married?” she asked.

I can honestly say I have always wanted to get married. Was I unusual? I didn’t realize twelve-year-olds (from active, non-divorced families) are so turned off by marriage.

At any rate, I think I did a pretty good job of steering them away from outer darkness and back to the Celestial Kingdom (isn’t that the point?), and we had a good discussion of what we need to do to make it to the Celestial Kingdom:

  • We must receive the testimony of Jesus (D&C 76:51)
  • We must be baptized by one with priesthood authority (D&C 76:51)
  • We must keep the commandments (D&C 76:52)
  • We must receive the gift of the Holy Ghost (D&C 76:52-53)
  • We must overcome the world by faith (D&C 76:53)
  • We must be made perfect through the Atonement of Jesus Christ (D&C 76:69)

I just wasn’t prepared to visit outer darkness yesterday.

Lesson 8 of 45

Lesson 7: What Happens after Death?

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It takes a nonmember 12-year-old to put a lesson about life after death in perspective for a teacher: by having a nonmember in my class, I learned how to be a better teacher.

I’ve been concerned about keeping the attention of my easily distracted class, as I mentioned last week. This week, I followed some suggestions from my mother, who happens to be a teacher, as I taught my lesson — word strips for each scripture, scripture summaries for each student, and so forth. In some respects, none of those teaching methods made any difference. What made the difference was my attention to the subject matter and trying to bear testimony to each class member.

When I walked in to class on Sunday, there was a visitor.

For our lesson, I was going to show them the analogy of the glove: after we die, our bodies go in the earth but our spirits live.

Because there was a nonmember in the room, I went back to the beginning with the analogy. Before we were born, we were only spirits (ungloved hand). Then we were born and received a body (glove goes on the hand). When we die, the body goes into the earth (glove on floor) and our spirits return to God (ungloved hand). Then we are resurrected, and our spirits and body are reunited (glove goes back on the hand). As I asked the class to demonstrate with the glove, we had a great review of the basics of these concepts. It helped me realize how important it is to understand and review the previous lessons before going on to the next lesson.

Then we read scriptures to learn about the Spirit world (our bodies are in the earth; our spirit lives with God). Each person in the class had a summary for a scripture, and after reading each scripture, I’d ask them who had that particular summary. (I think I need to give everyone all four summaries, though, because after their summary had been discovered, they’d not pay attention as we read.) I realized that all of these summaries were fairly new concepts to the nonmember. I ended up talking about a lot of background with the class.

  • The spirits of dead go to God. (Alma 40:11)

We talked about how everyone goes back to God. It’s not just the “good” people.

  • After death, the righteous are happy and the wicked are unhappy. (Alma 40:12-13)

We discussed how we are going to feel — what will our personalities be like after death? Here is where it makes a difference if we’ve been wicked. We’ll still be wicked, plus we’ll feel horrible about it!

  • Christ preached to the spirits in the spirit world. (1 Peter 3:18-20)

We talked about Noah, who is mentioned in verse 20, and what happened to those who died in the flood that didn’t have an understanding of the gospel. This was a good example of why there is a place to learn the gospel after this life. The nonmember in the class seemed to like the concept that there is a chance for those who have died without the gospel to learn the gospel.

  • Missionaries on earth also are missionaries after they die. (Doctrine and Covenants 138:57)

We discussed that our work, as believers and members of the gospel, continues after our time on earth. We’ll always bear our testimony to friends, just as one person in our class did by inviting her friend.

Because baptism is so essential to our progression, we must do baptisms by proxy for those who have died. The discussion seemed to follow naturally, and I felt the spirit as I bore my testimony to the class and to the nonmember.

Then we talked about how we will all be resurrected, judged, and assigned a kingdom of glory (body and spirit are reunited). We read 1 Corinthians 15:40-42, the JST version. (We talked about what the JST is by playing telephone and talking about why modern revelation is important). After reading those verses, I showed pictures of the sun, moon, and stars, and I bore testimony that Heavenly Father has glory for each of us. He wants us to return to Him, and He will help us. We didn’t have time to talk about the Celestial Kingdom of glory, why it is so important, and how to get there. That will be the subject for next week — and the rest of the year!

Even though the class was still chatting with each other and there was still a lot of distraction in the room, I was paying attention to the spirit I was feeling. I was trying to make sure that the nonmember understood what we were talking about. He was nodding through the lesson. The others in the class were getting it to, distracted as they were. And I realized that that is what matters. It’s not about getting through everything I want to talk about (we didn’t).

I realize that my class needs review and testimony throughout the class more. I need to worry less about keeping their every attention and more about each particular member of the class. For instance, did ____ feel the spirit today? That will be my goal as we begin the next lessons.

Lesson 7 and part of lesson 8 out of 45 (I’m still three lessons behind.)

The Ethics of Bribery

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I am facing a dilemma in my Sunday school class. I prepare good lessons. I love the gospel and I have a testimony of it. But my class just doesn’t want to listen.

I guess that means that I’m a boring teacher, so my lessons must not be as good as I think. But I assume a 12-year-old can sit still for 35 minutes, read the scriptures with me, and get something out of it. Is that asking too much?

I talked with Sister C, who taught them last year. She said she had an agreement with the most talkative girl in the class: she’d give her something if she behaved each week. I don’t know what the reward was, but I assume it was edible.

Now, I have qualms about feeding my class, as well as bribing them. The FAQs page online for Primary even says not to bring snacks:

What is the policy for food in Primary? Food should only be provided when it is included as part of a lesson or as a snack for the children in the nursery class. Be sure to consult with the parents of each child about any dietary restrictions that may be caused by conditions such as diabetes or allergies (see Church Handbook of Instructions, Book 2, 239).

This isn’t primary. This is Sunday school. They are even older. Besides, the physical facilities rules should say not to have food in the classrooms. Yes, people do it all the time, but shouldn’t we know better?

Like I said, I assume a 12-year-old can listen to a teacher for 35 minutes. They’re old enough to respect the scriptures. These kids have been members their entire lives and their parents are active. They should know better. I say I shouldn’t have to bribe them.

However, that still leaves me with a dilemma: a rowdy class. What are your thoughts on bribing the class with food? I hate the idea, but if everyone in the cyberworld agrees that it is the only way, maybe I need to reconsider.

The Power of Testimony

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I forgot about this experience until I was preparing my Sunday School lesson, and I decided I’d write about it.

First, here is the background: My Sunday school class last year contained four very quiet 13-year-old girls and one very quiet 13-year-old boy. They were a great class — they knew the answers or at least tried to participate, quietly and submissively. They all turned 14 and so went to a new teacher at the beginning of the year.

This year, I have three very talkative 12-year-old girls and one quiet 12-year-old boy. Actually, only one of the girls is very talkative (I’ll call her Sarah) — the others just feed off of her. The girls tend to whisper to each other and distract the others from the lesson. Sarah tries to think of off-the-wall questions to stump me as I try to teach. Sometimes the questions are very good — but often they seem so off subject it’s hard to get momentum back for the lesson I’ve prepared.

Four weeks ago, during my lesson about the Atonement, I was feeling particularly overwhelmed by the distracted class and the super-important subject matter. (I mentioned I felt overwhelmed trying to teach the Atonement in 30 minutes to begin with.) Sarah kept whispering and giggling with another girl, whom I’ll call Mary. (They were sniffing their marking pencils which apparently had scents: “They’re Smencils,” I was told.)

Anyway, I was trying to talk above their whispers so the other two class members could learn something. I mean, I was talking about the Atonement; the least the girls could do was listen. But I was not having any luck. I was distracted and the other girl and boy kept glancing at Sarah and Mary.

“OK, listen,” I finally said, stopping mid-sentence. “I’m giving the most important lesson in the book right now. Can I tell you why this is the most important lesson?”

The two girls stopped giggling and looked up. I had the attention of the whole room.

“I’m talking about our Savior Jesus Christ today. The only way we can return to our Heavenly Father is through Jesus Christ and His Atonement. The purpose of our Heavenly Father, His entire work and glory, is to “bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” That includes you. You are His work and His glory! Every other lesson in this manual and every lesson you will ever receive in the church goes back to the Savior. I’m talking about Him today. I need you to listen, because I know this is true and I know this is very important.”

The room was silent and the spirit was so strong I felt like crying (and I don’t usually cry when I feel the spirit). The room stayed quiet as I continued the lesson. The class participated. We watched the movie “The Mediator” and by the end the two girls were whispering again, but this time they were whispering about the video. (“No, I think the friend represents Jesus.”)

They were back to whispering a little by the end of the class, and the cloud of spirit had subsided a little by then, but I was amazed by the power bearing my testimony had in that moment. I know it made a difference to the class.

After the warning bell rang, I still had more than 10 minutes of material left — I know we wouldn’t get to it.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. We won’t get to the whole lesson today,” I said as I bore my testimony at the end of class.

“Well, will you finish this lesson next week?” Sarah asked.

I was flabbergasted. Most weeks, I’m not sure she’s listening at all.

I explained that I was going out of town, but I’d make sure we talk about what’s most important again. For this reason alone, I intend to go back and reemphasize some of the material from that lesson. Sarah, the talkative one, wants me to finish the most important lesson in the book. She was listening!

Preparing for Exaltation

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I teach course 12-13 in Sunday school, which follows a different manual than the regular gospel doctrine course. Thus, last year I taught from The Presidents of the Church manual. I began my calling in August, so I only started with President George Albert Smith. I’ve really enjoyed the overview of the prophets’ lives and teachings. I found myself eager to begin anew with Joseph Smith in 2008.

Last week, the Sunday school president told me I wasn’t to teach from that manual in 2008. I was disappointed, until I took a look at the manual I am to teach from: Preparing for Exaltation. It is an excellent manual.

The first two months talk about the various aspects of the plan of salvation (i.e., premortal life, earth life, the spirit world, and the three degrees of glory). Then the remainder of the year discusses various aspects of the gospel that can help us return to live with our Father in Heaven again.

This manual is a wonderful return to basic gospel principles that seems very appropriate for youth just about to embark on their teenage years. I look forward to building my testimony of the basics this year.

Question for you: Do you think 12-13 year olds would want a CD of primary songs? Are they too “cool” for primary songs? I keep thinking of the following songs and how appropriate they would be on a “theme CD” for the entire year:

  • I Am a Child of God
  • I Lived in Heaven
  • I Know My Father Lives
  • A Child’s Prayer
  • I Pray in Faith
  • He Sent His Son
  • Did Jesus Really Live Again?
  • The Church of Jesus Christ
  • I’m Trying to Be Like Jesus
  • When He Comes Again
  • The Golden Plates
  • I Love to See the Temple
  • Faith
  • Search, Ponder and Pray
  • Keep the Commandments
  • Dare to Do Right
  • I Will Follow God’s Plan
  • Teach Me to Walk in the Light
  • Families Can Be Together Forever
  • Love is Spoken Here
  • My Heavenly Father Loves Me

Am I missing any songs?