Category Archives: Raising a Child

Easing into Fall and Saying Goodbye to A Slow Summer

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Now that I’ve finally finished scrubbing out the refrigerator, I can come back and tell you how much I love fall.

This summer was great, don’t get me wrong. I felt we were busier than normal, even without a change from school to no school. This year’s summer weather was wonderfully mild, and Paul didn’t fuss on the days when I said, “Sorry, but it’s just too hot today. We’re staying inside.” (I have a feeling that won’t work so well next year.)

But now the weather is back to a reasonable average, and I just love to sit in the (pleasantly cool) sun and watch the leaves fall from the trees.

Today, the weather is staying in low 80s and the coming week has a perfect partially sunny forecast of 70s and upper 60s. It’s cool enough to walk to the library without dying of misery and perspiration. It’s cool enough to play in the back yard for extended periods of time. It’s cool enough to sit on our deck and eat dinner.

I love my yard. The landscaping keeps the neighbors in their own yard, so even when they had a party and football game the other night, our yard was still blessedly private and quiet. We had our own dinner outside too. I love privacy: good fences truly do make good neighbors (and we don’t even have fences; just perfect yards!!).

In the fall, I go to the library and it’s not overrun with noisy, cranky kids. In the fall, I go to the park and there aren’t any big kids sharing sand with Paul (I hate sand). In the fall, I can call up my friends and schedule play dates again, since the big kids are back in school.

In retrospect, I realize now how much I didn’t finish over those crazy weeks called “summer.” Why did they feel so crazy? It seemed all the people we met with were on “hyper” mode, trying to fit things in to the short time.

We didn’t do any fun “activities,” per se, and our budget kept us close to home (until we finally made it to Utah in September!!). But Paul and I both had a great summer all the same. Paul played with his cousins a few times, we visited Grandma and Grandpa in Naperville a few times, and we did little things together, just the two of us.

I’m realized I’m just not an activity girl. I’d rather sit and chat with people than “do” something “exciting.”

As I ponder the fact that I’m a sitter and not a “do-er,” I realize that my son may miss out on some things. He’s not going to have memories of busy childhood summers. Ever. I know I’m not going to drag him around all over the place next year either. We’ll do the special things that he loves: playing on the swing set, going to the library, going to the petting zoo and park, playing with friends, going on picnics. Maybe next year we’ll find some new favorite thing to do together. But I’m not a “crazy summer activities” Mom and I never will be. I like to keep life simple.

Paul is the happiest, least cranky kid I know, and I sincerely believe that a regular nap and bedtime schedule helps him to be so. In order for him to get his sleep, we sometimes have to say “no thanks” to some of those “crazy” activities in order to be home by sleep time. And you know what? I really like it that way.

As he gets closer to age two, Paul is becoming more independent. He resists obeying, and he’s begun to have screaming fits when I misunderstand what he says or when I decline his requests. The next few months of autumn will be interesting as I adjust to this new personality he’s developing. And yet, he’s still, overall, an incredibly happy, well-adjusted boy.

I suspect he’ll turn out just fine, our non-exciting summer be darned.

Loving My Baby

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I was very impatient with Paul this morning. He had energy to do everything. Since he hadn’t taken a nap yesterday, I was afraid today would be another never-ending day. I was exhausted already.

“Go! Go!” he shouted, excitedly, as we went from one activity and errand to the next.

I felt snappy. I felt impatient. I was a mean mommy, I’m afraid.

Then, blissfully, after lunch Paul took at three-hour nap, longer than normal. He awoke just as energetic, but I was different.

From the moment I got him up out of his crib, I felt I was holding a precious bundle of warm blessings. He was cuddly, and for a few moments, we rocked together in the rocking chair. He was my baby, not so little any more but just as soft and innocent as a newborn.

As he ran out of my arms and toward his toys, I felt I was letting go of my precious little baby. He’s a toddler, and becoming more of a little-boy every single day. Of course he’s energetic: everything he does is new. It is exciting. It is special. And I’m so glad that cuddling with Mommy post-nap was one of those special things.

As I came in here to type down some thoughts and to try – just try – to capture the precious mother moment when I held my no-longer-a-baby little boy in my arms, I heard him calling “Mamma! Mamma!” I returned to his side, and he proudly showed me how he made his blanket into a train track for his engine. Yes, he loves me. He wants to share his little discoveries with me.

I treasure the precious mother moments that Heavenly Father gives me, those moments when God reminds me that Paul is a son of a Heavenly King. These are the moments when I feel so blessed that his precious spirit was sent to me and my husband. Our family. Our eternal family.

Paul’s not going to a baby forever. Oh, how I don’t want him to grow away from me!

Six Months Already

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Six months ago, we closed on our new house. We moved in shortly thereafter. Now that we’re settled, it really about time I share the pictures of the inside. In fact, I can’t believe it’s already been six months.

Since January 29, we had the wood floors refinished, completely replaced the roof, and moved in. We have all the framed artwork that we own up on the walls. The wonderful thing is there are so many walls that we still have space left for more!

Note: Wow, this post ended up long. No hard feelings if you don’t want to read it all. 🙂

Since Ryan is back to traveling starting this week, I’d determined to get back on a regular schedule of cleaning the house. No more excuses, despite the summer weather. My goal is that every Thursday I spend the entire day getting the house ready for his return, including:

  • sweeping (which should be a daily task) and mopping the hardwood floors
  • cleaning the bathrooms, including the counters, mirrors, floors, toilets, and tubs/showers
  • scrubbing the kitchen counters and emptying the sink, including the microwave
  • dusting the living, family room, and bedroom
  • vacuuming all the carpet (there isn’t very much of it)
  • cleaning my office desk (I tend to pile things on it; this isn’t really for Ryan’s sake but rather for my own)

I started this morning, entertained Visiting Teachers for an hour, and was done by 3 p.m. (including taking 1 1/2 hours of Paul’s nap time).  Paul was very “helpful” when he’s awake. In addition to regular cleaning, I want to do one other major or minor house project a week.

Expensive House Projects

If I consider how much money we spent on floors, a new roof, and moving, certainly I could get a lot more basic house maintenance done in the next six months too!

  • A new water softener (very urgent; my hands are chapped)
  • Repaint the garage door (it was paint balled this week, and the bright orange paint won’t come off)
  • A new dryer (ours is slowly dying, so the next six months will probably bring this needed appliance)
  • Repaint all trim on house exterior (optional, I suppose, but it’s looking bad)
  • Re-seal and repaint the house exterior (optional, I hope)

A Tour of My House

Entry

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I’m pretty happy with the main entry to my house. I love it, in fact. Do you think the entryway needs a little console table under the picture of Christ? Maybe I’d put one to the side under the other picture in the hall (not pictured here). Except, I don’t want it to become a place to set things. Not cool. I just like the look of console tables. This is a dream, not a project.

Powder Room

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I love the long counter in here! Project: This bathroom needs a photo or picture over the toilet. What kind of a picture does one put in a bathroom? Does the picture of Christ on the counter look odd?

Living Room

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This room is so comfortable. It’s a non-play room, so I feel I can keep it clean and tidy for more than an afternoon. A few weeks ago, we finally put up our three picture shelves. Project: I need to get extended family pictures and frames to put on the shelf.

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I love this book case, and it works for now. Dream: A larger, taller case with glass doors.

Dining Room

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When the extra leaf is in the table, it makes this room very crowded. We only eat here when we have company though, so it’s okay, I guess. Except we never want to take out the leaf.

  • Project: I need something appropriate for that large, long shelf. It can’t weight too much, and it’s a bit high, so I can’t decide what would look nice at that level.
  • Project: New light fixture. This one has two light bulbs broken inside it, and we can’t get them out. Looks rather tacky.

Kitchen

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I love my kitchen. It’s probably my favorite room, just because it’s so comfortable. When it’s clean, I just get goosebumps as I walk in to it. I love the granite countertops.

  • Project: Rearrange drawers so more of the utensils can be put away. I don’t like having so many utensils on the counter, but I do like having them accessible when I need them! I actually have three drawers empty, but they are the drawers by the glass cabinets — not a useful spot when I’m in the middle of cooking.
  • Project: Get our knives sharpened. (I’m reading a book about it right now, so I’m already working on this project.)
  • Dream: Find a better home for the ice cream maker and bread maker. It’s too bad, but they don’t fit in any cabinets. And they’re heavy.
  • Project: Eat one meal a week on my china. I have it, I should use it, fancy meal or not!

Family Room

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I like this room too. I like the pillows I found for the couch, and that table is actually a chest for hiding Paul’s toys.

  • Project: Set up keyboards (they were disconnected a few weeks ago).
  • Project: Do something nice on the mantle. I had family pictures there, but now I think I’m going to move them to the other room.
  • Project: Reorganize DVDs in binders (these are in the drawer of the cabinet.)
  • Dream: Add a shelf to the cabinet in this room. It was a TV cabinet that we got used. I’ve tried to affix a shelf inside the top half, but I can’t. Alas.

Master Bedroom/Bathroom

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I like this room too. Really, I just love my house overall.

  • Project: We have a large armoire that we got used. The doors have come off (the holes are stripped), so I need to sand them, fill them, and re-drill the holes. This will be a big project, I think.
  • Project: Recalk master shower. It’s not bad, yet, but every week when I clean it, I think that’s what it really needs: more caulking.
  • Project: Do the ironing. (We keep the ironing board set up in our room.)

My Office

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I don’t have any project in here, other than getting pictures on the wall (a very low priority). When we first moved in, I had my books in alphabetical order (fiction) and Dewey Decimal order (nonfiction). I’m a geek. Needless to say, it didn’t last long with Paul to help reorganize it.

I didn’t really know how cluttered my bookshelves are until I take pictures of them! It looks pretty messy.

Ryan’s Office

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Ryan’s office is quite and lonely when he’s gone, especially since he’d been working from home for so long. Paul likes to sit in the chair in the corner and read his books. If there are any projects for this room, I don’t know about them!

Paul’s room looks the same as in his tour a few months ago. Other projects include more pictures on the walls, especially in the hall, and recaulk the tub in the hall. Fun, fun, fun!

Okay, I know that was more than you wanted to know. But now I feel really good about the prospects for the coming six months! We’ll see how much we get done.

(Oh wait, I forgot the yard! For another day….)

Why I Stay Home

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It lasted about 20 seconds.

It had been a typical Monday. He was whiny from his sleep-deprived weekend. He was frustrated, bursting in to tears over the smallest things. But now, newly awakened from a refreshing nap, he was running in the back yard, chasing a ball, swinging, and otherwise being happy.

It was a beautiful afternoon, with the puffy cumulus clouds dotting the uncharacteristically blue sky. A light breeze kept the temperature around 70 degrees, which was perfect for an afternoon in the yard.

Paul looked and pointed at the sky, maybe seeing another airplane or a bird. I told him about cloud shapes, and called him over to look with me. I lay down in the grass, and he toddled over and lay down beside me, his one-year-old head resting against my arm and shoulder. As I pointed up at the sky, he giggled and burbled along, pointing towards the clouds.

And that is why I stay home with him every day: to lie down in the grass and look at the clouds with him for 20 seconds every now and then. It’s all worth it.

Let’s Talk About Poop

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I really don’t want to talk about poop. This is my blog, supposed to be about my life. My non-kid life. Poop should go to Paul’s Page. That’s the page about the kid’s life.

But as I consider possible blog entries I could write, blog posts that might have some relevance to my current, everyday life, this is the post that keeps coming to mind.

What does that tell you about my life?

It started with Signing Time. Volume 2 has a sequence dedicated to “Potty.” (Can I tell you how much I hate that word? If I hear the segment, I reinforce that the word is “toilet.”) So Paul now has the sign as a part of his every day vocabulary. Maybe I should say “every hour” vocabulary.

Then a few months ago, I saw a “potty training flyer” at the doctor’s office when I was last there. It suggests saying things like “The pee/poop needs to come out!” at appropriate times. So I have been. Like those times when his face turns all red and he gets that look of concentration? Good time to mention it.

Paul loves the toilet. He gets very excited if someone says “I need to go to the bathroom” and he likes to follow the person in, hand over some toilet paper, and help get the hand towel for drying the hands after washing. The entire time, he blabs about something that he thinks is important.

I think he’s telling the person to make sure and get the pee out.

At 21 months, I really didn’t think Paul would comprehend the machinations of his body. I figured I had another year (at least) of such talk before it sank in.

For the last few days, he’s been saying “toilet” and we go and sit. But he doesn’t even wait. He just grabs the toilet paper and flushes the toilet. So I figured it was just a game for him: take off diaper, sit down, wipe, flush, put on diaper.

Today he came running to me, signing “toilet” as usual, with the same non-success/quick sit. Then about ten minutes later, he came running in even more eagerly, again signing “toilet.” I realized that he had come because the poop was coming out. It was kind of exciting to realize that he really did notice the happenings of his body. This is a very good sign! Maybe he’s always running in because something is coming out: he just hasn’t figured out the “it’s about to happen” moment yet.

And yet, this means I’m entering a new phase of poop. No longer will it be contained in a tidy little diaper. Don’t get me wrong; I’m very excited. I’m going to go get a kid-sized toilet seat and a box of Pull-Ups.

But then again, is this just a teasing stage? Is he going to regress very soon again? I’m suspecting that this is a “this is new” phenomenon and he’s going to be very tired of it in a week. Maybe starting now will just prolong the cost and bother.

What do the other mothers think? Is 21 months way too young to even consider beginning this process?

Read with Kids Challenge

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As a part of the Read with Kids Challenge, I’ve been tracking the time I read with Paul (who is 19 months old).

I love to read (as one can tell from my reading blog), so I like to read him chapter books (usually children’s). Even though he’s too young to care or follow a plot, I want to read those books, so I might as well get them read while I’m reading to a child. But each morning, I usually read him a chapter from something (10-20 minutes) while he plays with his toys or eats his breakfast. We also read picture books a lot, any time of day.

The Read with Kids Challenge encourages parents (or teachers or librarians) to read with kids from April 1 til June 30, 2009. There are awards and such too. I don’t expect to win anything — I just thought it would be fun to see how much I read with Paul and try to raise that amount of time each day so that reading is a habit for him and for us.

From April 15 (when I started keeping track) until today, we read 390 minutes, or an average of 26 minutes a day. I had made a 75-day goal of 2500 minutes, which is an average of 33 minutes a day. Considering reading in the morning and bedtime stories, that sounded do-able, but then I forgot about the days when I forget or don’t do much reading at all (like weekends!). I realize now that that will be nearly impossible. In the past two weeks, I’ve been really pushing myself to read whenever I could and every day. But I still came up short of what I expected would be “easy.” Maybe averaging 20 minutes a day is plenty practical. My new goal is 1600 minutes by the end of June, including, of course, the 390 we did in the later half of April.

I also wonder which times I should count as reading; maybe I am “cheating.” My son doesn’t actually read, so all my time is actually “reading to a kid.”  Which times would you count as “reading with kids” out of these?

  • I read a chapter book to him while he plays with his toys or eats his breakfast or takes his bath.
  • I read a chapter book to him while he falls asleep in my arms (he was not feeling well).
  • I read him a picture book bedtime story.
  • I read him two pages of a bedtime story, and then he points at the pictures and babbles as he turns the other pages.
  • When I say it’s time for a bedtime story, he runs to the closet and grabs a picture book. Then he sits on the floor, turns the pages, and babbles, pushing me away if I come near. After about 30 seconds, he gets up and exchanges it for a different book. Repeat five to ten times.

I count them all, because each in its own way helps him to love reading. That is, I think, the purpose of this challenge. I’m comforted in the fact that my son loves books. But what do you think? Does reading with kids need to be interactive?

An example of success: I read Paul Robinson Crusoe aloud over the course of two months. Now, whenever he sees that particular book on my bookshelf, he brings it to me, babbling something incomprehensible. I’m hoping he is actually saying something about his good memories of me reading to him (like maybe that day I held him when he was not feeling well, and he fell asleep as I read to him).

Another example: Yesterday morning, after I got him up and dressed, I was going to go into the other room. But Paul found the copy of Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle we’re reading and handed it to me, very excited.

“Do you want me to read some of it to you?” I asked.

He nodded emphatically and then headed back to his toys, turning to look back at me to see that I was starting to read. Aww, how could I not?

Musings on Cleaning with a Kid

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I told Paul he could stay in the family room, playing with his toys: I was going to clean the bathrooms. I put the Scrubbing Bubbles container on the corner of the kitchen table and grabbed a few rags from the laundry room.

In the ten seconds I was gone, Paul grabbed the cleanser. (Apparently, he is now tall enough to reach things on the table. Make a note of that.) Then he took off the lid (I have no idea how he was successful so quickly) and went into the bathroom. When I walked into the bathroom, he was rubbing the green nozzle of the bathroom cleaner on the lid of the toilet. (He knew the bubbles had something to do with the nozzle, but wasn’t sure how to get the bubbles out.)

Wow. I was blown away.

Now, I’d love for you to suppose this is a reflection on how often I clean the toilets. Trust me – that is not the case. It’s been at least two weeks since I cleaned the bathrooms and the time before that was, I think, when we first moved in (three weeks before that). I think I just have the most clean-aware child on the face of the planet. Or maybe he’s just going through a very serious “I want to imitate Mommy” stage.

After I sprayed the cleanser on the countertops, Paul grabbed the hand towel and tried to reach the counters himself. As I Swiffer-ed the bathroom floors, Paul tried to steal the Swiffer from me. When I scrubbed the toilets, he wanted to take the brush away from me and splash it in the toilet too. (I didn’t let him, and he was very sad.)

(Paul did dip his finger in some of the Scrubbing Bubbles and put it in his month. Ooops. Trust me, Paul, that’s not whipped cream! I think he realized that when he made such a face…)

I don’t think this interest in cleaning is normal for an (almost) 18-month-old. Or is it?

Don’t get me wrong — I’d love to encourage it. I personally hate cleaning the bathrooms (among other things) and I dreaded Saturday mornings  as a kid when my sister and I were forced to clean (although we made up for it by singing “It’s a Hard-Knock Life” the whole time because our “mean mom” was like Miss Hannigan when she made us do chores). I look forward to the day when I can make cleaning the bathrooms a weekly chore for my son and not for me.  Wouldn’t it be nice if he actually liked to clean?!

I was going to post this little anecdote on Paul’s Page (where I post weekly updates and stories about Paul). But then I was hoping that some of the other moms out there can share their thoughts. At what age were your kids competent at cleaning? Did they ever express an interest in cleaning with you? How do I keep him interested in helping (even though, right now, he really isn’t helping)?

The Mother’s Way

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I’ve wanted to be more “creative” lately, so I picked up a book of ideas, The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. I liked some of her suggestions, but others just weren’t right.

Her main premise is that creativity is God-given, and if we nurture ourselves, we will find it within us. That concept reminded me of Elder Uchtdorf’s talk at the Relief Society meeting:

The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. No matter our talents, education, backgrounds, or abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before.

Everyone can create. You don’t need money, position, or influence in order to create something of substance or beauty.

Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment. We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matter into our hands and mold it into something of beauty .

Julia Cameron tells us that the key to career resiliency (that is, finding a creative career more suited to your creativity) is self-empowerment and choice. Since I stepped out of an office (my choice) to have my baby (also my choice) and I haven’t been back (still my choice), I pretty much chose my current career. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

No trumpets sound when the important decisions of our life are made. Destiny is made known silently. Agnes de Mille (quoted on page 144)

Raising a family is my destiny.

I picked up this book at just the wrong time. She has good ideas, but I don’t have time for them. And some ideas really don’t seem all that good. She encourages readers to take the time to write 20 minutes in the morning pages, write another hour every day, and take a break every week for an artist’s date. Get a sitter now, stop serving other people, and serve yourself for once. If you don’t let yourself do these things, she suggests, you aren’t giving yourself the luxury you deserve.

Part way into this book, I realized why I was so bothered: My baby is my luxury. I waited my entire life to be a mother, and I have the blessing of staying home with my baby. It means I’m not going to write for an hour every day. Serving others, particularly my baby, is a great way that I feel spiritual; if I only served myself all the time, I’d feel very depressed. Life is about service to others!

Yet, I think she has good points for people trying to make creativity a career; you can’t make a career out of writing on the side. Toni Morrison (quoted on page 97) said:

We are traditionally rather proud of ourselves for having slipped creative work in there between the domestic chores and obligations. I’m not sure we deserve such big A-pluses for that.

I completely agree: I’ve been trying to slip in my creativity during the day. But that’s not how it’s done. If I’m serious about my writing, I must be serious when I write.

Cameron would probably suggest that I’m afraid to start being creative, so I’m using my baby as an excuse. Maybe I am afraid. But she does asks the reader to ponder what gives us true joy (page 110), and we are encouraged to pursue that thing. I realized that I already am pursuing it: my baby gives me true joy. Yes, it’s hard work to always watch him every day. No, there really isn’t any time off, although there are nap breaks most days. I suppose that to be truly creative, I can’t be a full-time, never-stop mom, as I am. But I don’t want to change that for any amount of creativity.

By reading The Artist’s Way, I’ve been inspired to seek moments of creativity. I won’t write a novel this month, but I’ll start writing the morning pages. I might not make a daily career of my writing, but I’ll do what I can on the side.

That’s not something to be proud of, but it’s what I can do now, in the midst of my dream career. And I can be proud of following “The Mother’s Way.”

One Year Old

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Paul is one-year-old today. I spent all day trying to think of something creative and deep I could write on my page that shows how much I learned in the past year and how much I love my little boy. I didn’t think of anything clever.

Today I did wipe his nose a number of times . And we ate. A lot. He’s a happy little boy, but my does he love to eat!

I love my little boy. I’ve learned a lot.

Don’t Talk To Strangers, Starting Next Year?

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Ever since Paul was born, I get comments and smiles and questions every time we go out:

  • Oh, he’s so cute!
  • What’s his name?
  • How old is he?
  • What a great smile!
  • How many teeth does he have?
  • etc., etc., etc.

I understand this. I read somewhere that people talk to pregnant women and mothers because everyone in a community is interested the next generation: the next generation influences the current generation. The entire community is therefore interested in what mothers do.

The other week, I realized that now that Paul’s getting older, soon, he’s start remembering that he’s smiling at strangers at the supermarket. When do I tell him to “never talk to strangers”? And where do we draw the line for “stranger”? For example, is the checkout girl a stranger? What if she’s new and we’ve never seen her before? What if there is a weird man in the line behind us? Do we still answer when the checkout girl asks us my son’s name and how old he is?

This may come across as paranoia. I don’t really think anything bad will come of telling the checkout girl my son’s name. But I’m seriously curious: when do we stop talking to strangers? Or, rather, when do we stop encouraging our kids to talk to or smile at strangers?