Ever since Paul was born, I get comments and smiles and questions every time we go out:
- Oh, he’s so cute!
- What’s his name?
- How old is he?
- What a great smile!
- How many teeth does he have?
- etc., etc., etc.
I understand this. I read somewhere that people talk to pregnant women and mothers because everyone in a community is interested the next generation: the next generation influences the current generation. The entire community is therefore interested in what mothers do.
The other week, I realized that now that Paul’s getting older, soon, he’s start remembering that he’s smiling at strangers at the supermarket. When do I tell him to “never talk to strangers”? And where do we draw the line for “stranger”? For example, is the checkout girl a stranger? What if she’s new and we’ve never seen her before? What if there is a weird man in the line behind us? Do we still answer when the checkout girl asks us my son’s name and how old he is?
This may come across as paranoia. I don’t really think anything bad will come of telling the checkout girl my son’s name. But I’m seriously curious: when do we stop talking to strangers? Or, rather, when do we stop encouraging our kids to talk to or smile at strangers?
Interestingly, we just had a similar conversation. Daniel made friends with a neighbor who saw him walking to our house and wondered what a strange little boy was doing marching down Benton Street and crossing Charles all alone. (He does look small for 7, I admit.) I think it is nice that the neighbors care and Daniel thinks it is nice that he has a friend in the neighborhood.  I talk to strangers all the time, too.Â
I think the issue is not to go home with them and not to get into cars with them–unless you are in real trouble. For example, I am grateful when a stranger stops and picks my mother up off the ground by her mailbox and calls 911 and her daughter and stays with her until her daughter arrives 25 minutes later. Most strangers in our realm are pretty nice people, and I would not want my kids to grow up thinking the world is a hostile place. Most people are seeking to connect with other human beings. Does a stranger knowing that Paul has 6 teeth put him in danger? By the time he is old enough to be out without you, you will have taught him not to go home with someone else. I’d say that in the meanwhile, you and he can enjoy being in a friendly world. Mom
I’ve been thinking about this, too. I’ve been quizzing Leah on her first and last name, and her parent’s names so that if she gets lost and someone asks here what her mom’s name is, she will know. When do I tell her about the scary people? I don’t know. This is a really good question!
Yes, most people in the world are nice, but unfortunatly, it’s the weirdos that cause the problems. It’s hard to know how to teach our kids safety while not scaring them unnecessarily.
Where are the Safety Kids when we need them, Jen?!
We had Safety Kids when we were young too! I wonder if you could find those on CD now?
I draw the line at details. Being friendly is important – for manners and for missionary opportunities. So when somebody asks my children’s names I tell them, but if they ask something like their birthdays I give a vague answer like “mid April”. If someone is smiling at my baby I smile at them and start a vague conversation about how kids are so cute.Â
It is hard to teach these nuances to kids though. I once tried to have a chat with Naomi (4) about strangers and she got totally confused. I used words like “bad guys” and suddenly she thinks everybody she has never talked to is bad but once she talks to them she knows they’re nice. … I need to try that chat again with a new technique.