Category Archives: Testimony

Spiritual Feasting

I have the best husband in the world because he watched Paul tonight while I went to the general Relief Society dinner and meeting (it took six hours)!

“You know you could watch it at home,” he said as I got ready. I eyed the wide-screen TV and the leather couch. But I had decided to go last week, and since I was picking up a friend and our visiting teaching sisters, I had no choice at that point but to go.

Just after 4, I slipped out. I picked up three friends on the way, and by 5:20 we were at the Stake Center. The long drive went quickly because I was with my ward sisters, sisters that I hadn’t known very well. It was fun to get to know them.

The Mexican Fiesta dinner was lots of fun with the entire stake. I even saw a sister from the ward I was in when I was first married. She was shocked to learn that my baby is almost two years old.

Although I don’t like big social gatherings, this was just my type of gathering because I sat by a few sisters during dinner and had real conversations. (“Real” meaning they were about things other than airplanes and choo choo trains.) I practiced my Spanish (5 years rusty) with a sister in my ward that I’d never spoken to before.

At quarter to seven, we headed to the chapel to watch the broadcast together. There were more people than they anticipated: every bench was packed with sisters. The stake presidency hurried to set up chairs in the Relief Society room too to give more seating space. Our bench remained packed. I felt like a sardine. We joked as we kept bumping each other, trying to get comfortable.

But then the Stake President stood at the podium and mentioned a few spiritual thoughts as the image of the meeting in the Conference Center came in to focus behind him. Suddenly realized that I was about to hear the prophet! Or would it be President Eyring, whom I love? Or maybe President Uchtdorf who just puts things into such clear terms? I didn’t care, but I was suddenly eager to hear it all.

The music started and the meeting began. It felt so good. Sister Beck talked about the importance of visiting teaching, how it’s “more than just a visit,” and I thought of the sister at my side. It’s true, I thought: visiting teaching is a job that is never “done.” While we may not ever be best friends, there’s something to be said for (1) a one-hour-each-way drive to the stake center and (2) sitting like sardines in a chapel listening to our leaders. We were becoming closer. It was something good.

Later, Sister Thompson talked about focusing on not just knowing but truly accepting that I am a daughter of God. Accepting that makes all the difference, she said, her voice breaking. What a testimony that is, coming from a sister whose dreams didn’t turn out as she wanted them. Will any of ours? Will it matter if they don’t?

And then we sang. As we stood, shoulder to shoulder in crowded rows of sisterhood, our voices in the chapel joined together in a testimony to God:

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I will not desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no, never, no, never forsake,
I’ll never, no, never, no, never forsake.

Is there a reason we are to gather together as Relief Society sisters for such a meeting?

Tonight was a testimony to me that there is always a reason. Not only “Charity never faileth” but sisterhood strengthens faith.

I am so grateful I took six hours today to go to the Stake Center and be spiritually feed by the spirit with my Relief Society sisters at my side!

Where did you watch the Relief Society broadcast? Who was at your side?

Religious Education

Happy Easter

Sorry, Closed

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It’s interesting how we remember general conferences by where we were during each one.

Eighteen months ago I spent the first session of conference (4 to 6 a.m. Sunday morning Australia time) trying to keep my mind off my progressing labor. (Only twelve hours later I held my newborn boy!) I recall Sister Beck’s talk to the mothers with fondness because I was a new mother first the first time that weekend.

Then a year ago I spent the week after conference (since it was delayed a day) listening to all the talks on my computer as I went about my week. I remember listening to Elder Uchtdorf’s and Elder Eyring’s talks over and over again.

Six months ago I went to my parent’s house on Sunday and we had a birthday cake for Paul’s first birthday. I remember Paul’s delight every time the choir started to sing.

This time the whole family zoned out on the couch in cold-induced delirium as the prophet and apostles spoke. I unfortunately don’t recall many of the messages, except it seemed everyone was talking about temples.

Yes, we were all sick. Again. Will the winter cold season never end?

Which is worse:

holding my feverish and miserable son while also feeling feverish and miserable
letting my energy-filled son hit me on my head with his toys all day long because I’m feverish and miserable and I don’t have the energy (or a voice) to say “please don’t” over and over again

Ever since I woke up this morning, the phrase “Sorry, Closed” has been going through my head. Why today? Because today was the day my husband (who has also been sick) got up before dawn and flew to Manhattan for the next four days. (He did offer to stay home, bless his heart.)

My mind has been telling my body all day to just put up a big sign: “Sorry, I’m Closed Today.” Hence, the toys hitting me on the head. All. Day. Long. (Apparently, the last 48 hours of almost-constant sleep helped Paul to get better. I’m glad. I really am.)

But we all know, moms never close, do we?

Off to put the laundry away. Maybe.

Mental Illness and the Gospel

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I have written a number of posts in my head in the past month, but none of them have made it to this webpage yet. Before I get to those, however, there is something that I’d really like to write.

The subject in sacrament meeting yesterday was hope and joy in the gospel, or something along those lines.

(To preface this post, I admit I only heard about half of the talk because I was in and out with Paul, who hit his head right in the middle of the meeting and was rather touchy. This is a reflection on the part of the talk that I did hear.)

The second speaker began by telling about seven different people he knew in his life that had committed suicide. (Yes, seven. That seems rather high to me.) Then he said (and I paraphrase), “On the other hand, I don’t know of anyone in the church that has committed suicide. That’s because the gospel brings so much joy…. If anyone here has those thoughts of suicide, I urge you to pray them away.”

Then he went on to talk about how the gospel makes everything all better when things are hard. Because it brings us joy.

I was in shock. I could not believe he said “pray them away” from the pulpit! He revealed not just his own ignorance of mental illness but also the gospel.

Mental illnesses, such as depression, are not prayed away.

Sure, prayer can help you when you are depressed or sad. But, while I’m not a mental health expert, I do know that real mental illness in the form of severe, suicidal depression is not solved completely by prayer. It’s like telling someone with cancer to “pray it away.” Talk about setting yourself up for failure!

It is okay to have real feelings. The gospel brings joy, but it does not erase real struggles and disease. Sometimes prayer is not enough. Saying that does not mean I don’t have faith. Accepting that does not mean that you don’t have enough faith. It means you accept the reality of (1) mental illness and (2) the gospel plan of Heavenly Father. Prayer might help ease depression, but it might not. If you are seriously feeling suicidal, get help!

Further, the gospel is not a “cure all” to real disease and real struggle. Members of the church get depressed just as non-members get depressed. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Mormon women (particularly stay-at-home Mormon mothers) struggle with more depression than non-Mormon women, simply because they feel the urge to be “perfect” and they think every wrong choice their children make is a reflection on them. (Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6) Or because Relief Society seems to be full of apparently “perfect” mothers with five children when they are obviously struggling with their two children. Or because their husband is in the bishopric (or working many many hours a day or traveling a lot, etc.) and they are raising the child(ren) essentially alone. Or because they have financial problems and tithing is really really hard to pay this month….and so forth.

The reasons Mormon women feel depressed are just as valid as the reasons non-Mormon women feel depressed. Being a member of the true church of Jesus Christ on the earth does not give you a “Get Out of Depression Free” card. You have to face things that come, just as everyone else on earth does.

In case you don’t believe me, here’s Alexander B. Morrison:

It is important to understand, however, that happiness does not imply the absence of adversity. Every individual experiences temptation, opposition, and trials that test faith and endurance: “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things” (2 Ne. 2:11).

This is what I wished the Bishop said at the end of the meeting (This what I would have liked to have said, at least.):

I want to add my testimony that the gospel adds joy. The good news of the gospel is that because of Jesus Christ, we all can have hope. We know we can all be forgiven when we do wrong. We can all be strengthened when we have discouragement.

Besides that, I know that the gospel also provides a wonderful support system. Sometimes our struggles seem to get the best of us. Turn to your home teachers or visiting teachers if you need help. If you don’t feel comfortable turning to them, turn to me [your bishop]. Prayer can help us find joy in our life, but sometimes we need a lifeline too. The church can help you. I want to reiterate what Brother ____ said. If you are feeling depressed and having thoughts of suicide, certainly pray, but also come talk to me [your bishop] or a mental health professional. We can work through depression together.

LDS-approved articles about depression and mental illness from the last four years: (Note: None of these say “pray it away” as the main tool.)

I realize that the brother who spoke is imperfect, just as I am. His sacrament meeting talk is imperfect, just as my talk will be imperfect. This gospel is a gospel of self-improvement, and thanks to the wonderful Atonement of Christ, one of hope and progression. But when he said what he said, I realized that this ignorance to mental illness is something I’d like to fight against. My blog seems like a perfect place for doing so. Thanks for listening.

How to Have A Very Merry Christmas (All Year)

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In the past two weeks, I’ve written a dozen blog post for this site in my head. And yet, none of them made it to the page. I’ve been too busy enjoying my favorite season. Of course there were some things I’d rather not repeat (who really wants a foot of snow when they say “white Christmas”?!) but overall it was a wonderful month!

As I thought about these happy moments this season, I realized there is no reason we can’t be doing these all year long. May the Spirit of the season stay with you and your family!

Listen to Christmas music all the time. I love Christmas music! I was going to highlight some favorite songs/versions of traditional songs, much as I highlighted my nativities, but it didn’t happen. I’m glad I don’t have any silly self-imposed rules about “not listening until after Thanksgiving,” because I can keep listening as long as I want and I can take it out again in July if I feel like it. I love it.
Make fudge. And eat it. Need I say more?
Decorate cookies. The idea was it was for my nieces and nephews (ages 9 months to 7 years) to decorate cookies, but I also had a great time decorating cookies. Somehow, I forgot to take pictures this year. Oops!
Read every child’s Christmas picture book you find at the library. I got a bit carried away, but I sure had fun finding favorites, new and old. My result is at Rebecca Reads here. (If you do this out of the month of December, you may be able to find specific ones you’re looking for!)
Celebrate with someone who’s worked hard at something (i.e., your newly Doctorate-d mother). My mother went back to school when I was in 5^th grade, just because she wanted to. She got her Master’s degree after about three years and she’s been working on her Ph.D. (because she wanted to) one class and one dissertation page at a time since then. I am so proud of her dedication. And now, 350+ dissertation pages later, I’m so proud I now officially have a Dr. Mom in the family! (I got a copy of her dissertation for Christmas, and I’m very eager to read about “Mother Eve” in medieval literature. Wouldn’t you be?)

Mom is “robed” by Dr. Nicole Clifton. (This is a zoomed in photo of the monitor in the arena; my camera wouldn’t zoom enough on my mom!)

with oldest grandson

Mother and Daughter

The Benac Women

The Doctors Sorenson

Mom and her right hand man, Dad

Spend time with family. We visited with family on average 3 days a week this entire month! It was sure nice to talk and visit together so much. While I know we can’t visit so regularly once “Real Life” gets back in to gear, it was sure a nice way to spend the holidays.
Listen to Grandma reading The Grinch on Christmas Eve. This was a special trip down memory lane that I don’t want to forget.

The Fosdick family reads along as Great-Grandma reads The Grinch.

Sing with your family. Our family likes to sing and we had so much fun Christmas Eve singing together. Here’s a very out-of-focus-Paul trying to sing along (he moves!) and rocking in a little rocking chair just his size.

Ask Santa for his yummy peppermint bark. It sure made for a tasty Christmas morning! Even if it’s not Christmas, you and your family deserves a treat like this every once in a while, don’t you think?

And last, but not least, the absolutely best way to celebrate the Spirit of Christmas:

Host a missionary discussion in your home. Last Friday night, we hosted a discussion with a sister (whom we didn’t know previously). It was about the Atonement of Jesus Christ and it was the sweetest way to bring the Christmas spirit into our home. As the missionaries left, I decided I’d like to do that again and again in the coming months. Christ, and His Atonement, is the true meaning of the season. Because we have the gospel in our lives, we truly can have the Christmas spirit all year long. I am so grateful for that. She’s coming again tonight. What a true delight!

Note to family: I also have the extended family pictures, some of which turned out pretty well. Paul’s waking from his nap right now, so I don’t have time to put them up, but I promise I will get them soon!

Modesty

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I just read Elder Hales’ talk in the August Ensign about modesty.

As I started reading, I thought, “Oh, this won’t apply to me, because I always dress modestly.” I don’t even wear knee-length skirts anymore (if I did, I wouldn’t be able to chase my crawling baby very easily!). Surely, I don’t need to read about modest apparel!

Then this paragraph stood out:

Tight pants, tight shirts, excessively baggy clothing, wrinkled apparel, and unkempt hair are not appropriate. … We should always be neat and clean, avoiding sloppiness or inappropriate casualness.

This hit me like a brick: how many times in the past ten months since my son has been born have I not ironed my shirt, not done my hair, not cared how sloppy I looked?

I used to iron my shirt when I went to work every day. I never iron my shirt anymore. I suppose I can use that fact that no one but an infant sees me as an excuse to be sloppy and unkempt. And there are always Those Days when we’re sick or my son didn’t sleep, etc. I suppose mothers can always find an excuse. But I was really intrigued by Elder Hales’ words:

Modesty is at the center of being pure and chase, both in thought and deed. … it reflects who we are and what we want to be, both here in mortality and in the eternities that will follow.

It seems to me, he’s saying modesty is not so much about making sure your skirt is long enough and your shirt isn’t showing off your navel. Modesty is a way of thinking: modesty is respect for your body.

How we fell on the inside shows on the outside. …

When we know who we are – children of God – and understand that our outward appearance affects our inward spirituality and ultimately our behavior, we show respect for God, for ourselves, and for those around us by being modest in dress and behavior.

I’m going to go comb my hair again. Apparently, that’s a part of putting on the whole armor of God.

Not Alone

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True response to Sunday Scribblings prompt: Guide

I grasped the robe. The volunteer secured the blindfold and nudged me forward.

I stepped tentatively in the dark. Then I heard the voice.

“Let go of the rope!”

I knew the voice: a teenager a few years older than me. He was supposed to make this harder. Another voice joined his.

“Come here! What’re you doing? Where do you think you’re going?”

I’d known they’d try to distract me, and yet I felt disoriented hearing them while blindfolded.

“Let go of the rope and come here!”

“This is where you want to be!”

I held on and stepped forward, ducking beneath a branch and nearly stumbling on a log.

Then I heard another voice: “Rose.”

Rose, my middle name. Only one person called me Rose: my bishop. My heart calmed.

“There’s another log; step more to the left.”

I felt it and stepped around it. The other voices still called, but I didn’t hear them.

“Don’t let go of the rope.”

I held on and walked forward. Then the rope led to two new ropes: one going one way, one the other.

“Choose the rope on the right.”

I followed the rope on the right.

Soon it was over. Taking off the blindfold, I turned to where the voice had been, but my bishop had gone to help the next person.

As my bishop was my guide on the obstacle course, so God provides me a guide on my daily course: His Holy Ghost, a quiet but sturdy, familiar voice amidst the chaos.

When I first heard the prompt “Guide” I tried to think of something more “secular,” but this experience and sentiment kept returning. It reinforces what I said in the About page to this website: my religion is an incredibly important part of my life, and as such, I can’t separate it from my writing.

Lesson 12: Repentance is a Blessing (A Study of Twelve-year-old Behavior)

I Love General Conference

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I haven’t been reading many books or posting on my blog much this week. I’ve been distracted.

It began Sunday morning at 4:30 a.m.

As all of you were sitting down for 10 a.m. General Conference Saturday morning, I was asleep. It was 2 a.m. Sunday morning. My son awoke at 4:30 a.m., and after attending to his needs and putting him back in bed, I decided I couldn’t wait until next Saturday: I wanted to know who the newest Apostle was. I went online and found out.

D. Todd Christopherson, I read. How exciting! I thought.

I decided I wanted to hear how it was announced. Then I remembered that it was not even 5 a.m. I had to leave for church at 7:45 a.m., and I needed to stay awake during Sacrament meeting. So I went back to bed.

We went to church and came home. When we got home, I started to watch the first session. I am so grateful for the Internet! I could watch the solemn assembly Sunday afternoon in my living room. It was so special. I loved watching it, but I didn’t watch the whole session: there were other things to do.

Monday afternoon, what should appear in my feed reader but all of the mp3 files for the audio of four sessions of General Conference. I subscribed to the feed in December and promptly forgot about it, since, of course, it is only updated twice a year.

I couldn’t wait until Saturday. I listened to President Monson’s talks, then President Eyring’s and President Uchdorf’s talks. They were so excellent, and I was so inspired, so I listened to the rest of it, reverse alphabetically as it appeared in my feed reader. (I listened in reverse because President Thomas S. Monson was the last alphabetically and I wanted to start with him.) I did a lot as I listened’care for my son, work on photographs, etc. So I wasn’t just sitting around.

It has been great. I feel so uplifted and ready to be better. But I guess that’s the key: listening isn’t making me any better. I need to do what I’m learning! Listening doesn’t do any good for the world.

My favorites the first time around:

President Uchdorf’s talk (the faith of our Father, our Heavenly Father)
Elder Child’s talk on tithing
Elder Ballard’s talk to the young mothers
Elder Bednar’s talk on prayer
Elder Oaks’s talk on testimony
Elder Zwick’s talk on fortifying yourself

Which were your favorites?

I get to listen and watch all of them again Saturday and Sunday. (We need to be there this weekend.) What do I do for eight hours Saturday and Sunday as I watch them? I’m going to be sitting on an uncomfortable bench in the chapel.

Ah well; I’ll be inspired all over again. I love general conference!

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Thoughts on womanhood and motherhood