I have written a number of posts in my head in the past month, but none of them have made it to this webpage yet. Before I get to those, however, there is something that I’d really like to write.
The subject in sacrament meeting yesterday was hope and joy in the gospel, or something along those lines.
(To preface this post, I admit I only heard about half of the talk because I was in and out with Paul, who hit his head right in the middle of the meeting and was rather touchy. This is a reflection on the part of the talk that I did hear.)
The second speaker began by telling about seven different people he knew in his life that had committed suicide. (Yes, seven. That seems rather high to me.) Then he said (and I paraphrase), “On the other hand, I don’t know of anyone in the church that has committed suicide. That’s because the gospel brings so much joy…. If anyone here has those thoughts of suicide, I urge you to pray them away.”
Then he went on to talk about how the gospel makes everything all better when things are hard. Because it brings us joy.
I was in shock. I could not believe he said “pray them away” from the pulpit! He revealed not just his own ignorance of mental illness but also the gospel.
Mental illnesses, such as depression, are not prayed away.
Sure, prayer can help you when you are depressed or sad. But, while I’m not a mental health expert, I do know that real mental illness in the form of severe, suicidal depression is not solved completely by prayer. It’s like telling someone with cancer to “pray it away.” Talk about setting yourself up for failure!
It is okay to have real feelings. The gospel brings joy, but it does not erase real struggles and disease. Sometimes prayer is not enough. Saying that does not mean I don’t have faith. Accepting that does not mean that you don’t have enough faith. It means you accept the reality of (1) mental illness and (2) the gospel plan of Heavenly Father. Prayer might help ease depression, but it might not. If you are seriously feeling suicidal, get help!
Further, the gospel is not a “cure all” to real disease and real struggle. Members of the church get depressed just as non-members get depressed. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Mormon women (particularly stay-at-home Mormon mothers) struggle with more depression than non-Mormon women, simply because they feel the urge to be “perfect” and they think every wrong choice their children make is a reflection on them. (Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6) Or because Relief Society seems to be full of apparently “perfect” mothers with five children when they are obviously struggling with their two children. Or because their husband is in the bishopric (or working many many hours a day or traveling a lot, etc.) and they are raising the child(ren) essentially alone. Or because they have financial problems and tithing is really really hard to pay this month….and so forth.
The reasons Mormon women feel depressed are just as valid as the reasons non-Mormon women feel depressed. Being a member of the true church of Jesus Christ on the earth does not give you a “Get Out of Depression Free” card. You have to face things that come, just as everyone else on earth does.
In case you don’t believe me, here’s Alexander B. Morrison:
It is important to understand, however, that happiness does not imply the absence of adversity. Every individual experiences temptation, opposition, and trials that test faith and endurance: “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things” (2 Ne. 2:11).
This is what I wished the Bishop said at the end of the meeting (This what I would have liked to have said, at least.):
I want to add my testimony that the gospel adds joy. The good news of the gospel is that because of Jesus Christ, we all can have hope. We know we can all be forgiven when we do wrong. We can all be strengthened when we have discouragement.
Besides that, I know that the gospel also provides a wonderful support system. Sometimes our struggles seem to get the best of us. Turn to your home teachers or visiting teachers if you need help. If you don’t feel comfortable turning to them, turn to me [your bishop]. Prayer can help us find joy in our life, but sometimes we need a lifeline too. The church can help you. I want to reiterate what Brother ____ said. If you are feeling depressed and having thoughts of suicide, certainly pray, but also come talk to me [your bishop] or a mental health professional. We can work through depression together.
LDS-approved articles about depression and mental illness from the last four years: (Note: None of these say “pray it away” as the main tool.)
- Myths about Mental Illness by Alexander B. Morrison
- Bipolar Disorder: My Lessons in Love, Hope, and Peace
- Overcoming Feelings of Inadequacy by David S. Baxter
- He Heals the Heavy Laden by Dallin H. Oaks
- Broken Things to Mend by Jeffrey R. Holland
- The Spiritual Component of Healing by Alexander B. Morrison
- What Does It Mean to Be Perfect? by Cecil O. Samuelson
- Gospel Topics: Suicide
- www.ldsfamilyservices.org
I realize that the brother who spoke is imperfect, just as I am. His sacrament meeting talk is imperfect, just as my talk will be imperfect. This gospel is a gospel of self-improvement, and thanks to the wonderful Atonement of Christ, one of hope and progression. But when he said what he said, I realized that this ignorance to mental illness is something I’d like to fight against. My blog seems like a perfect place for doing so. Thanks for listening.
Quite coincidentally, I heard a similarly uninformed comment yesterday, but since we were in Relief Society, I was able to respond to it. We were discussing President Uchtdorf’s last conference talk on hope, and someone said that the opposite of hope was depression or discouragement, and that just as hope comes from Christ, discouragement comes from Satan. I disagreed and said that depression was not the opposite of hope. Hope is the faith and energy the allows us to cope with depression and discouragement. Sadness is one of the fruits of the Fall–the knowledge of good and evil that is mortality. It comes from many sources: illness, family or financial troubles, or our body’s hormones. Satan is opportunistic and will try to use our time of discouragement to take over our lives, so we need hope in Christ to help overcome Satan’s power. Then we sometimes need medication, counseling, friends, time, or healing to overcome the discouragement.
After the meeting, people were actually standing in line to thank me for speaking up. Several were crying and telling me how much faith they had, but attesting that they still feel a lot of pain and didn’t need to have guilt added to their already difficult condition.
Sometimes people both in the Church are quite uninformed on many subjects, and they are in error when they use classes or the pulpit to propound their own opinions which are not endorsed by the doctrines of the kingdom. Your bishop probably was uncomfortable but did not know how to articulate the clarification that was needed. Perhaps you will see some kind of remediation in future months.
Ugh. This is a hard post for me to read because I have been in both places – the uninformed side and the know-the-reality-from-experience side. I sometimes wish I could go back to the uninformed side (just teasing).
Thank you for your post. You write well and can so adeptly phrase a difficult concept. I agree that sometimes uninformed ideas get perpetuated, especially if we give lessons and don’t take time to research our points. And there are so many excellent quotes out there summarizing important gospel doctrines, all available on the church website. Note to self: if my next calling is as a teacher I will try to do it well.
I also agree that sometimes the most damaging thing to hear is someone “preaching” that our trials are our fault or that we have a trial because we aren’t doing something right. Everyone has trials. We try to learn from them and go on. During my last trial, I got out my scriptures and read about Job just to remind myself that trials happen to good people and to just hunker down and have faith.
Thanks for your comments Becky, I really appreciate you voicing your thoughts. I think our society has come a long way in their views and acceptance of mental illness, but there is definietly a long way still to go. It’s important to help get rid of the misconceptions and misundertandings about mental illness.
Becky! I came across your blog via Emily’s wonderful blog. How great to see your amazing family. And I am especially happy to hear such wise words from your mouth. I appreciate your comments (and your mom’s) about depression/trials/mental illness. I read the truth in your comments, and I hope to share that truth with people I come in contact with.
Mom, hearing that story from your RS really makes me think about all the people in the sacrament meeting that were feeling likewise all the more discouraged after hearing this man’s talk. You are kind to assume that the Bishop just was uncomfortable — I’m the pessimist that assumed he agreed, since he did say AMEN to the talk!
I hope there is remediation. Such ignorance really bothers me when I think of all the people probably thinking “I just can’t pray anymore; I’m so depressed!” and writing off their life as a failure, supported by sacrament meeting talks.
Nancy, it’s interesting to realize that this is a matter one does not have to experience to eliminate ignorance. Just by studying the scriptures, one can see depression and suicidal thoughts in many of the great prophets: Nephi (“O wretched man that I am!”), Joseph Smith (“Oh God, Where Art Thou?”), and even Christ (“take this cup from me”). I don’t think anyone can fault them with not “praying enough.” Once one truly understands the gospel, one understands that, with “opposition in all things”, being a member of the gospel means having joy and sadness all while making it back to Heavenly Father.
I just wouldn’t want anyone to think they have to experience the horrible feelings of depression to understand that living the gospel (i.e., life) is not all fun and games (i.e., warm spiritual experiences).
That said, I”m pretty sure we’ll all will experience it at some point!
Holly, I think you are right on about Job. Great example of someone with lots of trials. totally off topic, but I read a translation of Job in a high school class and he was made off as a bad guy. Really disturbing “translation”.
Emily, I think some people in the gospel just amplify the misconceptions when they quote “man is that he might have joy” blindly! Yes, that’s true, but there’s also “opposition in all things”!
Laura, Glad you found my blog! I’ll have to go see your lovely family’s blog too.
Thanks for your comments. Issues like this–depression, illness, wayward children, etc–are tricky because the gospel certainly can help, but I think your comments are right on.
Thanks for this.