As I gathered with family for Christmas, one word kept going through my mind: PEACE. Even though my parents would soon be leaving for a foreign country, far from me, I felt sweet peace. Even though I usually feel a bit of trepidation with the coming of a new year, I felt calm peace this time. As I watched my kids interact with cousins, interact with each other, and laugh over new presents and potential, I felt loving peace.
This year, I will focus on peace. I will find the things that bring me peace and celebrate them. When things go wrong, I won’t complain. I won’t whine or yell. If my depression and anxiety flare up, I will still find a way to find peace. It will be a great year.
Those were my thoughts for the new year. That is my goal for 2014. Today, however, everything went wrong. The nasty cold my husband has had for a week (I let him rest, I took care of the kids, I played games and watch holiday movies and visited family) finally decided to come visit me. This morning I woke feeling run over by a truck. My head hurts, I feel faint, I can’t talk.
So naturally, today I forgot all about that wonderful New Year’s resolution. I yelled. I didn’t care. I slept and let Paul and Caroline watch movies. I cuddled Caroline through the early stages of her cold and I took a two-hour nap.
And then, when my son yelled at me around dinner time “This is the worst day ever!” I remembered.
PEACE.
This is a year for peace. So I cuddled him and Caroline. We talked about how Paul will be baptized in just a few months. I asked him for help as I try to get better. He then helped a little. I think there still were tears. It was a boring day with a sick grouchy mama.
But I’m not going to beat myself up for this one lousy day of the new year. Really, it was not too bad. I spent it with my kids. I actually got food on the table for everyone. And tomorrow I’ll probably feel a little better.
The hot bubble bath helped. This year, I’m going to find those peaceful moments and embrace them. I’m going to take care of myself and make this year a great one.