Category Archives: Deep Thoughts

Modesty

I just read Elder Hales’ talk in the August Ensign about modesty.

As I started reading, I thought, “Oh, this won’t apply to me, because I always dress modestly.” I don’t even wear knee-length skirts anymore (if I did, I wouldn’t be able to chase my crawling baby very easily!). Surely, I don’t need to read about modest apparel!

Then this paragraph stood out:

Tight pants, tight shirts, excessively baggy clothing, wrinkled apparel, and unkempt hair are not appropriate. … We should always be neat and clean, avoiding sloppiness or inappropriate casualness.

This hit me like a brick: how many times in the past ten months since my son has been born have I not ironed my shirt, not done my hair, not cared how sloppy I looked?

I used to iron my shirt when I went to work every day. I never iron my shirt anymore. I suppose I can use that fact that no one but an infant sees me as an excuse to be sloppy and unkempt. And there are always Those Days when we’re sick or my son didn’t sleep, etc. I suppose mothers can always find an excuse. But I was really intrigued by Elder Hales’ words:

Modesty is at the center of being pure and chase, both in thought and deed. … it reflects who we are and what we want to be, both here in mortality and in the eternities that will follow.

It seems to me, he’s saying modesty is not so much about making sure your skirt is long enough and your shirt isn’t showing off your navel. Modesty is a way of thinking: modesty is respect for your body.

How we fell on the inside shows on the outside. …

When we know who we are – children of God – and understand that our outward appearance affects our inward spirituality and ultimately our behavior, we show respect for God, for ourselves, and for those around us by being modest in dress and behavior.

I’m going to go comb my hair again. Apparently, that’s a part of putting on the whole armor of God.

Random Thoughts

Departure Pending

My husband’s boss has agreed to let him finish the project this month, as well as take two weeks’ vacation. We’re going to New Zealand in two weeks and returning to the USA at the end of the month. Hallelujah! It’s not that we don’t like it here; we’re just ready for the next stage. We’ve kind of been pulled back and forth since May. (I never thought I’d miss all of summer! We’re going from winter back in to autumn.)

Old Stuff

My husband has a shirt with a rip by the wrist. He wears it almost every week. I told him he needs to throw it out. Really, what will people think about me as his wife?! That I can’t keep my husband from being shabby? Then he pointed out that I keep my brown shoes.

My brown shoes were bought before my mission (in 2003). They were very nice for a few years, and I took pains to polish them regularly. However, polishing the shoes no longer does any good, as the leather has worn through. The company no longer makes that style, so I can’t replace them. They are very comfortable, so I still wear them nearly every day. I guess I never wondered what people think. They are just comfortable shoes to me.

Hmmm. Now I have a dilemma: My shoes or no more old shirt?

Medicinal Matters

My husband got ill for the third time in the 13 months we’ve been here. Of course, then both Paul and I got sick as well. My husband rarely gets ill in the USA. Why are there so many bugs here?

I’ve determined why: they don’t have proper medicine easily accessible. If you go to the supermarket, they have three small shelves. One the first row, every bottle says “All Natural Ingredients.” On the second and third rows, there is no such notice on the bottles. No matter, as soon as turn it over to look at the ingredients, you realize all three have Echinacea, Zinc, and Vitamin C. Nice things to take if you’re sick, but hardly a Cold and Flu remedy as the bottle proclaims. You’re still going to be coughing on your co-worker all week.

To get real medicine (the kind that actually suppresses your coughs, stops your nose from running, or makes your coughs productive; the kind with lots of chemicals in it), you have to go to the chemist (pharmacist), which might have them behind a special counter. You have to ask for them. And then it’s a very small bottle. If you want to have more, you must visit the doctor and get a prescription.

As for the doctors, General Practitioners are pretty useless. They should be call LPs, Limited Practitioners. Among other things, I was told I just had muscle cramps and it turned out to be gall stones. Yeah. GPs are worthless. (They are essentially free for Australian citizens under Medicare, so maybe socialized medicine is not such a good thing, huh?)

So why are there so many bugs in Australia, and why do we keep getting sick? When people get sick, they take natural ingredients, which do nothing to stop the sneezing and coughing. Bugs are spread, and more people get sick. That’s my philosophy.

If you like the natural route for medicine, you’d love Australia! That’s what it is. Personally, I like medicines that work when I’m ill.

Sniff.

Don’t Talk To Strangers, Starting Next Year?

Ever since Paul was born, I get comments and smiles and questions every time we go out:

  • Oh, he’s so cute!
  • What’s his name?
  • How old is he?
  • What a great smile!
  • How many teeth does he have?
  • etc., etc., etc.

I understand this. I read somewhere that people talk to pregnant women and mothers because everyone in a community is interested the next generation: the next generation influences the current generation. The entire community is therefore interested in what mothers do.

The other week, I realized that now that Paul’s getting older, soon, he’s start remembering that he’s smiling at strangers at the supermarket. When do I tell him to “never talk to strangers”? And where do we draw the line for “stranger”? For example, is the checkout girl a stranger? What if she’s new and we’ve never seen her before? What if there is a weird man in the line behind us? Do we still answer when the checkout girl asks us my son’s name and how old he is?

This may come across as paranoia. I don’t really think anything bad will come of telling the checkout girl my son’s name. But I’m seriously curious: when do we stop talking to strangers? Or, rather, when do we stop encouraging our kids to talk to or smile at strangers?

FICTION: Dark

The red glow dims and the movement stops. It is very dark now, and all is still. I like this time. It is time to move!

My arm moves slowly in the liquid around me. It hits the side. Bump bump bump! There is some movement, then all is still again. My hand finds my mouth. I suck the tiny fingers. I swallow. I swallow again.

It is too still. I twist, but it is too crowded: there is not enough space now. My feet kick the side. Bump! Bump! I hear a muffled noise and again feel movement. I stop kicking. The movement stops. Then I kick again. I like this game!

I stop moving and relax in the dark, curled up tightly. I like this dark! I am so safe, so warm, so complete.

I find my thumb and suck it again.

Response to Fiction Friday.

QUOTE: Magic Key

“The light of genius expressed in literature does not fail with the death of the author. His galleries are still displayed for our instruction and enjoyment. But the magic key which could have opened new ones to our eager desire has gone forever. Let us, then, guard the treasures which he has bequeathed.”

Sir Winston Churchill, tribute to Rudyard Kipling, 17 November 1937, quoted in Never Give In! The Best Winston Churchill Speeches.

Betty Crocker

My oldest brother, aged 5, was playing with a friend when the friend declared, “Let’s be superheroes!” My brother, living as he did in a 1970s American home without a television, wasn’t sure.

“What’s a superhero?”

“It’s someone with a special power,” his friend responded.

“Oh,” said my brother after contemplation. “I’ll be Betty Crocker.”

By the time I could remember, there was a television in our home, and I don’t recall the power of Betty Crocker dominating my mother’s cooking. But then, despite my mother’s best intentions, I left home without ever learning how to cook. I survived college eating Rice-a-Roni and Life cereal. Somehow, despite my lack of culinary skills, I got incredibly lucky: I married a man who loves to cook.

We got by for a while on my husband’s weekend masterpieces, leftovers, and my mediocre Rice-a-Roni dishes. Then I got pregnant just as we were moving, so I quit my job. In our new home, I suddenly had a lot of time on my hands. A baby was coming, but what do I do in the mean time?

Swallowing my pride, I decided that my role as a wife and mother-to-be was to cook dinner – a “real” dinner – for my family. I collected my husband’s recipes and I started searching the web for cooking tips. And then I tried to cook.

With each meal, I dreaded the next 60 years of nightly cooking. I placed the dishes in front of my husband with an apology on my lips. My cooking was pretty bad. But my husband always thanked me and told me I was a great cook. I didn’t believe him. Sometimes he suggested salt or spices or herbs or “something in the soup other than leeks and potatoes.” But he said it with love, and I knew he made suggestions because, to him, cooking was a riddle to be solved.

My son joined our family. I was a bit distracted and I didn’t cook. My husband was home for a week and he may have cooked, but I honestly don’t know what we ate for the four weeks after he returned to work.

One afternoon, in the midst of baby cuddles with my newborn, I had a weird desire: I wanted to cook.

I found a recipe, and I cooked dinner. I don’t recall what I made, but I cooked, and the end result was satisfying. I knew it could use more salt or spices or herbs or something, but for that night, it was fine. I’d figure it out next time. I had cooked dinner for my husband, and I didn’t apologize for it either.

Somehow, in the months that followed, I found the riddle my husband had found: cooking is a problem to solve. For each problem, there is a solution: I just needed to learn the tools of the trade.

  • It’s still bland: how much salt?
  • The sauce is too thin: what did I forget?
  • The sauce is too acidic: what can I add to balance the flavor?

Now it’s just a few more months down the line. Chicken piccatta, chicken parmesan, steak gorgonzola, fettuccini alfredo, risotto: I can make the dishes I want to eat. They aren’t fancy, but I like them. And, to be honest, home-made anything tastes better than a restaurant. I can make it how I like it. And if it’s not good, I’ll do it better next time.

My husband’s praise hasn’t stopped. Every night after dinner, he tells me I’m the best cook he knows. I tell him he’s the best cook I know. Regardless, I feel confident that when I make him a meal, I don’t need to put an apology on the table with it. It’s okay, and most days it’s pretty darn good.

I can be a “Betty Crocker” Wonder Woman for my husband, one dinner at a time.

Oh, and one other thing: my son is growing up in a home without a television. I hope he doesn’t mind the “Betty Crocker” variety of superhero for now.

To my husband, my culinary inspiration

True response for the July Write-Away contest at Scribbit

What I’m Looking Forward To

I wrote the other week about a few things I’ll miss about living in Australia. Now that we are here longer than we thought we’d be, I’m starting to look forward to the conveniences of the USA. Just like I didn’t intend my “things I’ll miss” posts to sound like complaining, I certainly don’t mean this to either. I love my home here, and I know I’ll love my home there, where ever “there” is.

Parking Spaces: I think there must be a different law in the USA about how many available parking spaces there are for supermarkets and malls. I am always searching for parking, even at 10 a.m., even at 4:30 p.m., even at 7:30 p.m. Monday-Saturday, I’m searching. It was so bad at Christmas that we left the mall without ever finding anything after driving for 30 minutes, giving up our schedule family portrait time. It’s bad every day.

Drive Thru: I’d love to be able to stop at an ATM without getting out of my car. I’d love to be able to pay for gas at the pump without going in to the station. I’d love to give my car a carwash without having to go into the station to pay for it. There are so many conveniences that just aren’t in Australia. Is it wrong for me to not want the grocery store checker to check my card signature? It’s much faster if I don’t have to keep my wallet out. …

Consumer Goods: I needed some more make-up ( foundation): $18 for a small tub. Is it that much in the USA? I stopped to browse at the bookstore: $26.99 for Margaret Atwood’s The Blind Assassin. A few weeks ago, I bought jars of baby food: $1.99 for 170 grams (about 5½ oz). Because everything is expensive, there aren’t as many options for consumer goods. I’m looking forward to affordable prices again.

Books: See note above about Consumer Goods.

A New Car: I get to buy myself a car, my car, to last for 5+ years. I’m very excited to go for test drives! (My husband probably won’t get a car until he gets a new job, which we hope is soon, but might not be for a few months yet; we’ve been a one car family for more than a year now and I never thought we could do it.)

Service: Tips are not expected at restaurants. It was nice at first, but I’m really looking forward to some actual service from waitresses or waiters: it’s like they make an effort to ignore us and only come if we look annoyed. It would also be nice to be able to order pizza and have it delivered. I haven’t actually ordered pizza since college, but it’s the fact that I can’t that bothers me!

There are a number of other reasons I’m eager to move back to the USA (namely, family!) but this’ll be all for now.

We may get a departure date soon!

Quote: Unlock That Cupboard of the Infinite

Whether a man writes well or ill, has much to say or little, if he cares about writing at all, he will appreciate the pleasures of composition. To sit at one’s table on a sunny morning, with four clear hours of uninterruptible security, plenty of white paper, and a Squeezer pen – that is true happiness. The complete absorption of the mind upon an agreeable occupation – what more is there than that to desire? What does it matter what happens outside? … Never mind, for four hours, at any rate, we will withdraw ourselves from a common, ill-governed and disorderly world, and with the key of fancy unlock that cupboard where all the good things of the infinite are put away.

Sir Winston Churchill, from speech entitled “The Pen: Liberator of Man and of Nations” given 17 February 1908, Author’s Club, London (quoted in Never Give In: The Best of Winston Churchill’s Speeches, selected and edited by Winston S. Churchill, page 29-30)

Mothering Update and Further Questions

Signing

After I asked you for your opinions on signing and other things, I decided to sign every word I can remember to Paul. The day after I started signing everything, Paul started “babbling” in sign. It was so cute! Now he consistently signs “More” but I don’t think he actually knows what he means. Video here.

(I’m starting to feel conflicted as to which site to put these things on: it’s about Paul so it should be on Paul’s Page, but I’m the one trying to figure things out, so it should be on my page. I guess I can’t separate him from me anymore!)

Sleeping

As for sleep, Paul’s been going from 6:30 or 7 p.m. until 6 or 7 a.m., except for the few days lately when he’s awoken screaming in the night or in the early hours. I’m pretty sure it’s teething but I’m hoping we can get back to a normal schedule. I like the waking up at 7 a.m. thing! I wish it happened more often.

Eating

I’ve figured it out what to cook for Paul. I refuse to make food for myself without salt, so for now I’m still making two separate dinners. Paul eats at 5 and we eat at 8 anyway, so it’s not that big of a deal. But Paul’s food tastes pretty good these days! I really like pumpkin. It’s a good base for just about everything.

TV/Movie Watching

When do kids actually notice TV/movies? We don’t have a TV but I did try to introduce Paul to Winnie the Pooh, watching it on my computer. He didn’t pay attention for more than 5 or 10 minutes.

I ask because I want to buy Signing Time and I’m not sure it’s worth it for such a little boy who won’t sit still anyway. It’s not that I want to encourage TV watching anyway, so I might as well wait, I guess. We do have an actual TV screen in storage, so we’ll have it again when we return to the USA. (We still won’t have TV, though.)

Toys

What is the best kind of toy for a 9-month old? I’m still relying on his rattles and other 6-month-old toys and they are just not enough for him. (I was going to wait until we got back to the USA to get more toys, but I’m tired of waiting and he’s bored!) I got him a ring tower and today I’m going to look for a peg puzzle. Any other ideas?

What’s My Line?

When I was seven or eight years old, my mother gave me a cloth-and-porcelain doll she’d loved as a girl. I loved that doll, despite the arm falling off at the seam. My mother sewed a new arm on her.

My doll was my baby. I put her in a doll crib at the foot of my bed. I changed her clothes. I rocked her to “sleep.” She “napped.”

At some point, I moved on and left her in my closet. She’s still there somewhere.

Almost nine months ago, my firstborn son was born. I admit that I did try every single newborn outfit on him within the first days, just because he was the most adorable baby I’d ever seen, better than any doll. But I love him. I rocked him to sleep, day and night.

Now that he’s squirming and crawling, he’s less doll-like. But he’s perfect, and caring for him is my life every day, 24 hours a day. Even when I get a break, I am thinking about him, worrying about him, loving him. I’m constantly writing things to him and about him, in my mind.

At some point in my life, I’ll probably go back to work. I may write a book: fiction, nonfiction, who knows at this point. When you turn to the About the Author page, you’ll probably see my picture with a description like this:

Rebecca Reid is the proud mother of — and the wife of —. She loves her family with all her life.

It won’t be unusual, though, because everything in the book, fiction or nonfiction, will relate to motherhood, family relationships, and the love of a mother for her child. That is my line now, but it is also my imagined happy ending.

True response to Write on Wednesdays: What is Your Line?, Write Anything: About the Author page, and Sunday Scribblings: Endings.