Category Archives: Deep Thoughts

Sorry, Closed

It’s interesting how we remember general conferences by where we were during each one.

Eighteen months ago I spent the first session of conference (4 to 6 a.m. Sunday morning Australia time) trying to keep my mind off my progressing labor. (Only twelve hours later I held my newborn boy!) I recall Sister Beck’s talk to the mothers with fondness because I was a new mother first the first time that weekend.

Then a year ago I spent the week after conference (since it was delayed a day) listening to all the talks on my computer as I went about my week. I remember listening to Elder Uchtdorf’s and Elder Eyring’s talks over and over again.

Six months ago I went to my parent’s house on Sunday and we had a birthday cake for Paul’s first birthday. I remember Paul’s delight every time the choir started to sing.

This time the whole family zoned out on the couch in cold-induced delirium as the prophet and apostles spoke. I unfortunately don’t recall many of the messages, except it seemed everyone was talking about temples.

Yes, we were all sick. Again. Will the winter cold season never end?

Which is worse:

  • holding my feverish and miserable son while also feeling feverish and miserable
  • letting my energy-filled son hit me on my head with his toys all day long because I’m feverish and miserable and I don’t have the energy (or a voice) to say “please don’t” over and over again

Ever since I woke up this morning, the phrase “Sorry, Closed” has been going through my head. Why today? Because today was the day my husband (who has also been sick) got up before dawn and flew to Manhattan for the next four days. (He did offer to stay home, bless his heart.)

My mind has been telling my body all day to just put up a big sign: “Sorry, I’m Closed Today.” Hence, the toys hitting me on the head. All. Day. Long. (Apparently, the last 48 hours of almost-constant sleep helped Paul to get better. I’m glad. I really am.)

But we all know, moms never close, do we?

Off to put the laundry away. Maybe.

Under-Exciting

I guess I thought that by paying THOUSANDS of dollars, I’d be overly excited with the final result. Not so. It’s just a roof. I stepped back and looked at the house for the first time and thought, “Oh. That’s it.”

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On the other hand, it’s a ROOF that I own! The insurance company will insure it! I won’t get rained on! I don’t have to replace it for 25 years! Yeay!

It does look a lot better. (And then I look at these pictures and think it looks just the same! Can you even tell the difference?!)

Before pictures:

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948 Days

I learned this week that the house we bought at the end of January had been on the market 948 days.

That means that it went on the market approximately on June 26, 2006.

Ryan and I had been married for just over a month. He was still working from home. I had yet to start graduate school and then drop out of it. Paul was not even thought of yet. I was still working as a proofreader at an accounting firm driving 50 miles each direction.

I told that to Ryan and he said “Why were we the suckers that bought it?”

Ha ha.

We love it. Especially since it was far below market as a pre-foreclosure by the time we got it.

Even assuming they’d sold it below market from the beginning, we couldn’t have bought it 948 days earlier (as we were newlyweds unsure which way were were going to go). We couldn’t have bought it 583 days earlier (as we had just moved to Australia). We couldn’t have bought it even 100 days earlier (as we were still tied to our apartment). We bought it at the right time. And it’s the right place. What a blessing for us!

Off to $replace$ the roof this week. Feel free to oooo and aaaaaah over our Weathered Gray shingles next time you come visit!

Musings on Cleaning with a Kid

I told Paul he could stay in the family room, playing with his toys: I was going to clean the bathrooms. I put the Scrubbing Bubbles container on the corner of the kitchen table and grabbed a few rags from the laundry room.

In the ten seconds I was gone, Paul grabbed the cleanser. (Apparently, he is now tall enough to reach things on the table. Make a note of that.) Then he took off the lid (I have no idea how he was successful so quickly) and went into the bathroom. When I walked into the bathroom, he was rubbing the green nozzle of the bathroom cleaner on the lid of the toilet. (He knew the bubbles had something to do with the nozzle, but wasn’t sure how to get the bubbles out.)

Wow. I was blown away.

Now, I’d love for you to suppose this is a reflection on how often I clean the toilets. Trust me – that is not the case. It’s been at least two weeks since I cleaned the bathrooms and the time before that was, I think, when we first moved in (three weeks before that). I think I just have the most clean-aware child on the face of the planet. Or maybe he’s just going through a very serious “I want to imitate Mommy” stage.

After I sprayed the cleanser on the countertops, Paul grabbed the hand towel and tried to reach the counters himself. As I Swiffer-ed the bathroom floors, Paul tried to steal the Swiffer from me. When I scrubbed the toilets, he wanted to take the brush away from me and splash it in the toilet too. (I didn’t let him, and he was very sad.)

(Paul did dip his finger in some of the Scrubbing Bubbles and put it in his month. Ooops. Trust me, Paul, that’s not whipped cream! I think he realized that when he made such a face…)

I don’t think this interest in cleaning is normal for an (almost) 18-month-old. Or is it?

Don’t get me wrong — I’d love to encourage it. I personally hate cleaning the bathrooms (among other things) and I dreaded Saturday mornings  as a kid when my sister and I were forced to clean (although we made up for it by singing “It’s a Hard-Knock Life” the whole time because our “mean mom” was like Miss Hannigan when she made us do chores). I look forward to the day when I can make cleaning the bathrooms a weekly chore for my son and not for me.  Wouldn’t it be nice if he actually liked to clean?!

I was going to post this little anecdote on Paul’s Page (where I post weekly updates and stories about Paul). But then I was hoping that some of the other moms out there can share their thoughts. At what age were your kids competent at cleaning? Did they ever express an interest in cleaning with you? How do I keep him interested in helping (even though, right now, he really isn’t helping)?

Mental Illness and the Gospel

I have written a number of posts in my head in the past month, but none of them have made it to this webpage yet. Before I get to those, however, there is something that I’d really like to write.

The subject in sacrament meeting yesterday was hope and joy in the gospel, or something along those lines.

(To preface this post, I admit I only heard about half of the talk because I was in and out with Paul, who hit his head right in the middle of the meeting and was rather touchy. This is a reflection on the part of the talk that I did hear.)

The second speaker began by telling about seven different people he knew in his life that had committed suicide. (Yes, seven. That seems rather high to me.) Then he said (and I paraphrase), “On the other hand, I don’t know of anyone in the church that has committed suicide. That’s because the gospel brings so much joy…. If anyone here has those thoughts of suicide, I urge you to pray them away.”

Then he went on to talk about how the gospel makes everything all better when things are hard. Because it brings us joy.

I was in shock. I could not believe he said “pray them away” from the pulpit! He revealed not just his own ignorance of mental illness but also the gospel.

Mental illnesses, such as depression, are not prayed away.

Sure, prayer can help you when you are depressed or sad. But, while I’m not a mental health expert, I do know that real mental illness in the form of severe, suicidal depression is not solved completely by prayer. It’s like telling someone with cancer to “pray it away.” Talk about setting yourself up for failure!

It is okay to have real feelings. The gospel brings joy, but it does not erase real struggles and disease. Sometimes prayer is not enough. Saying that does not mean I don’t have faith. Accepting that does not mean that you don’t have enough faith. It means you accept the reality of (1) mental illness and (2) the gospel plan of Heavenly Father. Prayer might help ease depression, but it might not. If you are seriously feeling suicidal, get help!

Further, the gospel is not a “cure all” to real disease and real struggle. Members of the church get depressed just as non-members get depressed. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Mormon women (particularly stay-at-home Mormon mothers) struggle with more depression than non-Mormon women, simply because they feel the urge to be “perfect” and they think every wrong choice their children make is a reflection on them. (Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6) Or because Relief Society seems to be full of apparently “perfect” mothers with five children when they are obviously struggling with their two children. Or because their husband is in the bishopric (or working many many hours a day or traveling a lot, etc.) and they are raising the child(ren) essentially alone. Or because they have financial problems and tithing is really really hard to pay this month….and so forth.

The reasons Mormon women feel depressed are just as valid as the reasons non-Mormon women feel depressed. Being a member of the true church of Jesus Christ on the earth does not give you a “Get Out of Depression Free” card. You have to face things that come, just as everyone else on earth does.

In case you don’t believe me, here’s Alexander B. Morrison:

It is important to understand, however, that happiness does not imply the absence of adversity. Every individual experiences temptation, opposition, and trials that test faith and endurance: “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things” (2 Ne. 2:11).

This is what I wished the Bishop said at the end of the meeting  (This what I would have liked to have said, at least.):

I want to add my testimony that the gospel adds joy. The good news of the gospel is that because of Jesus Christ, we all can have hope. We know we can all be forgiven when we do wrong. We can all be strengthened when we have discouragement.

Besides that, I know that the gospel also provides a wonderful support system. Sometimes our struggles seem to get the best of us. Turn to your home teachers or visiting teachers if you need help. If you don’t feel comfortable turning to them, turn to me [your bishop]. Prayer can help us find joy in our life, but sometimes we need a lifeline too. The church can help you. I want to reiterate what Brother ____ said. If you are feeling depressed and having thoughts of suicide, certainly pray, but also come talk to me [your bishop] or a mental health professional. We can work through depression together.

LDS-approved articles about depression and mental illness from the last four years: (Note: None of these say “pray it away” as the main tool.)

I realize that the brother who spoke is imperfect, just as I am. His sacrament meeting talk is imperfect, just as my talk will be imperfect. This gospel is a gospel of self-improvement, and thanks to the wonderful Atonement of Christ, one of hope and progression. But when he said what he said, I realized that this ignorance to mental illness is something I’d like to fight against. My blog seems like a perfect place for doing so. Thanks for listening.

Lucky Friday the 13th

I have never been superstitious. Nevertheless, when I realized our move worked out to be on Friday the 13th, I was a little wary. But all fears were unfounded. The move went like clockwork, and I once again was grateful for the ease of moving with movers. It is 100-times worth the cost! Friday was the least stressful day of the last two weeks.

Ryan was to return home Thursday night; I’d been packing and cleaning the new house* for the past two weeks. Then Ryan called to say his flight was delayed. I was so tired of packing alone that I was almost feeling like a basket case. I had put my tired little boy in bed a little early and it was about 7 p.m. Ryan wouldn’t be home for 2 1/2 hours. Despite the boxes that still needed to be filled, I fell asleep. Once he arrived home, Ryan was up until after midnight doing some last minute packing. He let me sleep, thank goodness.

When the movers got there Friday morning, we just stood out of the way and watched them work. All the stress resting on my shoulders began to dissipate. We’d made it!

Now we have to unpack, but there is no stress or pressure: all I have to do before the end of the month (12 days) is clean and vacuum our apartment. The boxes in the new house will be emptied when we get to them!

That said, we got a lot done in the last three days.

Here’s a picture illustrating all that’s to unpack in the kitchen and living room: the kitchen box is the half-filled large one on the right. The blue tub is extra kitchen stuff for the basement, and the other boxes are for the living room. I wish I took a picture of the boxes before I began to unpack so I could share how much has already been emptied!

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Here’s the kitchen at this point. We’re looking for a new kitchen table and chairs. (I hate this one.)

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And while I unpacked the kitchen, Ryan worked on setting up the family room. We need a console to store the games and DVDs, but so far so good!

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The living room is vacant, since our living room furniture is in the family room; we’re going to get family room furniture hopefully in the next month. The dining room is vacant and will remain so, since we don’t foresee getting a dining set in the next 12 to 24 months. The basement is a mess. The master bedroom is set up and habitable, thanks to Mom and Dad’s help during their Saturday night visit. Paul’s room is likewise full of toys and fun. Both other bedrooms are offices right now; they are, needless to say, a mess.

Anyway, I’m quite happy that at least the kitchen and family room, the main areas of my life, are ready to be lived in. Not bad for three days. On to the next three days! (during which, unfortunately, Ryan will be traveling again.)

*It was pointed out to me that sharing pictures of my dirty floor is tacky. Why brag to the world of my dirty house? I agree that it’s pretty tacky. Therefore, I want to clarify that the dirty laundry room floor was dirty from the previous owners. None of it was my dirt. And I subsequently cleaned it. I was just amazed, once again, by the power of Magic Erasers and I wanted to share.

Good News (Belated)

On January 29, we closed on our first house!

Pictures have been officially requested from my mother, who is home sick and hasn’t seen it, so I have found some time to get them together.

The weekend after we closed, we were fixing the to-be-expected things – replacing locks, cleaning the dirt and dust from months of being vacant, throwing away the previous owners’ garbage, etc. Then this last week we had the hardwood floors refinished: I think they turned out marvelously! We’ve been packing this weekend. Now that we can get into the house, I get to wipe away walls of dust from the sanding of the floors. If you want to see what I mean about dust, see this video of Paul helping me clean it in just one small corner.

I’ve been spending lots of time over at the new house and I can’t wait until we move there for good on Friday! Away with apartment living! Four bedrooms, a family room, and a yard, here we come!

Note my little cutie in most of these pictures. He loves cameras!

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The facade

(When I started walking away from Paul, he started yelling at me. He wasn’t sure if it was a game or not. Then I came back and he did not want to go back inside! You can tell how warm it is: he doesn’t have a jacket. Besides the fact that one foot of snow, everywhere, melted in three days.)

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The view in the front door (Swiffer in the background...)

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The living room, with doors open into the dining room

(Sorry for all the spots. I didn’t do anything to these pictures other than make them small for the web….Looks pretty bad!)

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The family room

I wasn’t crazy about the hardwood in the family room at first. But since we got them refinished, I love the look! I’m not sure I’d change it. I guess we’ll see how it looks with the furniture in it.

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The kitchen

I am so excited for so much (comparatively) cabinet space!

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The deck

The back yard is so huge. I’m quite excited. This is also a swing set with slide at the back of the yard. (My picture didn’t turn out.)

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Foyer from above

I like the half-open foyer. Two story foyers are also nice, but I like how this works out (it gives me a sitting room in the master bedroom!)

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Part of the master bedroom and sitting room

I suppose it’s a good problem that I can’t fit the whole room in a picture, huh? I like the little sitting room attached to the master bedroom. It looks cozy.

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Tub in master bath

I’m not a bath kind of girl, usually. But in our current apartment, the master bath only has a shower, and I’ve found myself wanting a tub on some “I’m so exhausted!” nights. I’m glad the master bath has both! And this looks fun.

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Room that will probably be Paul's room

Again, it’s hard to get perspective: the ceiling is peaked (as was the master bedroom) and it makes the room feel so much bigger.

Well, I hope that satiates the curious. I’ll try to post again to let you know how the move goes on Friday!

I suppose that means I should go pack so we’ll be ready, huh…