The orange wrapper was on a wire shelf a few inches above his head. He couldn’t read the writing, but he knew what it said: “Peanut Butter Cup.” What delightful words! He licked his lips.
He glanced back at his mother. She was putting the carton of milk on the conveyer belt. Her jaw set as she reached into the cart for the bananas and bread. Every few moments, James heard a “BEEP” as the checker swiped the groceries: cereal, canned vegetables, string cheese.
She wouldn’t notice! James thought, as he reached up, his fingers easily touching the shelf. But, no! That’s not right!
He reclaimed his hand and put it in his pocket, touching his lucky green soldier he’d put there earlier. There must be a better way! He bit his lip. He could hear his stomach growl.
Shuffling his feet, he turned around and bowed his head, his hands clasped in front of him.
“I’m so hungry, Mommy!” James spoke quickly but deliberately, keeping his head down. “Pretty please, Mommy, buy me a peanut butter cup? I’ll be so patient!”
Without moving his head up, he glanced up to gauge her reaction. She was reaching in to the shopping cart again. She glanced at him and turned back to her groceries. She spoke briskly:
“No, you can wait 10 more minutes for us to get home. No candy!”
He willed the tears to stop, but they wouldn’t. He’d been denied again!
Response to Fiction Friday prompt: Write about a failed proposal.
Could kids really be this patient and thoughtful? I don’t know. My son is still an infant. I guess I could write this better in a few years. I also can’t figure out how old James is. I just thought of him and started writing.
I think this kid is about 6 or 7.
And I don’t know about patient, but certainly they can be that rational, shrewd and pleading! I should know, I was him – and “that sort of kid” can come up with some surprising bargaining strategies!
This is so right – my daughter is 6 1/2 and she would be just that calculating – looking up to assess my reaction – trying to match her tactic to get the desired result. I love the sound of the beeps and the color of the wrapper… nicely written.
I think you did a very good job showing us the child’s emotion and calculating ways… very accurate.
Well – my daughter is 3 and a few months – and she is this calculating. with Big Blue eyes and curled hair she will look up and say loudly – “see Mummy, I am being so good and patient… now can I have a treat?” darling little toe rag…..I do love her so much- but the grey hairs have already sprouted trying to be in front of her ….
well written from the point of view of a child.. and a note here too – children now days are alot more sophisticated that we were when we were young.. really – so its no good comparing what ‘we’ did back then – its a different world.
This was cute! I think you captured the child’s point of view perfectly. Good job on the perspective. I could almost picture a camera at his level, angled up at the candy and his mother, completely from his POV. Nicely done!
That’s my two pence…
Arial 😉
Arial Burnz – Romance Novelist & Artist
http://arialburnz.wordpress.com
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Thank you for your comments! I’m glad you think it works. I wasn’t sure since it’s been a long time since I was that age. And like you said, Annie, the world is different now!