Category Archives: Happenings

Helping

The Stage of Frustration

Paul has reached a new stage: frustration. He can’t talk, but he thinks he can. So he has lots of mini-tantrums every day. He says: “Goggol bubble mmmmmlophble.” When I don’t do what he wants, he repeats himself louder. Then he starts to scream.

On the other hand, he also knows about 25 signs. Apple, cracker, help, please, thank you, milk, more, banana, cookie, shoes, socks, play, ball, eat, water, bath, and I’m sure I’m missing a number of them. When he signs one of those things and I can’t do what he wants, he screams.

I know this is stage. And I don’t want to indulge his every whim. I’ll give him what he wants when I can. But some days it’s a bit frustrating on this end too.

Paul, the world won’t end when you don’t get what you want! How long will it take you to learn this?

On the other hand, I got him a hat for when Mommy and Daddy are working out in the yard and it’s sunny. Here he is eating his lunch on the deck Saturday. (For some reason, I couldn’t get him to smile at first. Maybe the sun was in his eyes.)

948 Days

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I learned this week that the house we bought at the end of January had been on the market 948 days.

That means that it went on the market approximately on June 26, 2006.

Ryan and I had been married for just over a month. He was still working from home. I had yet to start graduate school and then drop out of it. Paul was not even thought of yet. I was still working as a proofreader at an accounting firm driving 50 miles each direction.

I told that to Ryan and he said “Why were we the suckers that bought it?”

Ha ha.

We love it. Especially since it was far below market as a pre-foreclosure by the time we got it.

Even assuming they’d sold it below market from the beginning, we couldn’t have bought it 948 days earlier (as we were newlyweds unsure which way were were going to go). We couldn’t have bought it 583 days earlier (as we had just moved to Australia). We couldn’t have bought it even 100 days earlier (as we were still tied to our apartment). We bought it at the right time. And it’s the right place. What a blessing for us!

Off to $replace$ the roof this week. Feel free to oooo and aaaaaah over our Weathered Gray shingles next time you come visit!

Mental Illness and the Gospel

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I have written a number of posts in my head in the past month, but none of them have made it to this webpage yet. Before I get to those, however, there is something that I’d really like to write.

The subject in sacrament meeting yesterday was hope and joy in the gospel, or something along those lines.

(To preface this post, I admit I only heard about half of the talk because I was in and out with Paul, who hit his head right in the middle of the meeting and was rather touchy. This is a reflection on the part of the talk that I did hear.)

The second speaker began by telling about seven different people he knew in his life that had committed suicide. (Yes, seven. That seems rather high to me.) Then he said (and I paraphrase), “On the other hand, I don’t know of anyone in the church that has committed suicide. That’s because the gospel brings so much joy…. If anyone here has those thoughts of suicide, I urge you to pray them away.”

Then he went on to talk about how the gospel makes everything all better when things are hard. Because it brings us joy.

I was in shock. I could not believe he said “pray them away” from the pulpit! He revealed not just his own ignorance of mental illness but also the gospel.

Mental illnesses, such as depression, are not prayed away.

Sure, prayer can help you when you are depressed or sad. But, while I’m not a mental health expert, I do know that real mental illness in the form of severe, suicidal depression is not solved completely by prayer. It’s like telling someone with cancer to “pray it away.” Talk about setting yourself up for failure!

It is okay to have real feelings. The gospel brings joy, but it does not erase real struggles and disease. Sometimes prayer is not enough. Saying that does not mean I don’t have faith. Accepting that does not mean that you don’t have enough faith. It means you accept the reality of (1) mental illness and (2) the gospel plan of Heavenly Father. Prayer might help ease depression, but it might not. If you are seriously feeling suicidal, get help!

Further, the gospel is not a “cure all” to real disease and real struggle. Members of the church get depressed just as non-members get depressed. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Mormon women (particularly stay-at-home Mormon mothers) struggle with more depression than non-Mormon women, simply because they feel the urge to be “perfect” and they think every wrong choice their children make is a reflection on them. (Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6) Or because Relief Society seems to be full of apparently “perfect” mothers with five children when they are obviously struggling with their two children. Or because their husband is in the bishopric (or working many many hours a day or traveling a lot, etc.) and they are raising the child(ren) essentially alone. Or because they have financial problems and tithing is really really hard to pay this month….and so forth.

The reasons Mormon women feel depressed are just as valid as the reasons non-Mormon women feel depressed. Being a member of the true church of Jesus Christ on the earth does not give you a “Get Out of Depression Free” card. You have to face things that come, just as everyone else on earth does.

In case you don’t believe me, here’s Alexander B. Morrison:

It is important to understand, however, that happiness does not imply the absence of adversity. Every individual experiences temptation, opposition, and trials that test faith and endurance: “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things” (2 Ne. 2:11).

This is what I wished the Bishop said at the end of the meeting (This what I would have liked to have said, at least.):

I want to add my testimony that the gospel adds joy. The good news of the gospel is that because of Jesus Christ, we all can have hope. We know we can all be forgiven when we do wrong. We can all be strengthened when we have discouragement.

Besides that, I know that the gospel also provides a wonderful support system. Sometimes our struggles seem to get the best of us. Turn to your home teachers or visiting teachers if you need help. If you don’t feel comfortable turning to them, turn to me [your bishop]. Prayer can help us find joy in our life, but sometimes we need a lifeline too. The church can help you. I want to reiterate what Brother ____ said. If you are feeling depressed and having thoughts of suicide, certainly pray, but also come talk to me [your bishop] or a mental health professional. We can work through depression together.

LDS-approved articles about depression and mental illness from the last four years: (Note: None of these say “pray it away” as the main tool.)

I realize that the brother who spoke is imperfect, just as I am. His sacrament meeting talk is imperfect, just as my talk will be imperfect. This gospel is a gospel of self-improvement, and thanks to the wonderful Atonement of Christ, one of hope and progression. But when he said what he said, I realized that this ignorance to mental illness is something I’d like to fight against. My blog seems like a perfect place for doing so. Thanks for listening.

Sunshine!

Winnie the Pooh

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I visited another thrift shop this week. They had a sale on kid’s clothes and I got a few things. It is amazing how many of the thrift shop items (for boys, at least) are Winnie-the-Pooh related! I got Paul’s chair a few weeks ago and now I got some jeans and a Winnie-the-Pooh outfit. If only it were Halloween, Paul would be all set!

I’d never buy an outfit like this off the store rack, but at a thrift shop for less than $1? Sure. I think he is adorable, although this outfit makes him look more like a baby. Lately, he’s been looking a lot like a little boy, so I’m OK with that reversal!

Paul loves to play in the closets in his room; that’s what he’s doing in those pictures above.

In other news, Paul is phasing out his nap. His only nap. A few days in the last few weeks he hasn’t napped at all when I put him in his bed; other days he sleeps just one hour before awaking. But then he sleeps for more than two hours Sunday afternoon, so maybe he’s not completely done with the napping.

I am in mourning! What will I do without that precious two-hour break in the middle of the day?

Paul’s First Week (At the New House)

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I have a friend who sends an email/photo update to her parents and in-laws every single Sunday, without fail. Since this website is Paul’s journal, as well as my “update” to family, I really must do a better job of taking pictures of Paul and sending them on!

General Update

Paul’s future occupation will probably be janitor. He loves to pick things up to throw away or put away. He loves to “sweep” with the broom.
Paul tumbled down a full flight of stairs this week. Mommy panicked and thought he was going to be broken — but he only had a few bruises and a rug burn on his face and back.
Paul hates the car wash. He screams and kicks and otherwise is very, very sad. I’m not sure why. I always loved it as a kid. But, I must remember to wash the car when Paul is not in the backseat.
Daddy left at night to go to airport last week (he usually leaves in the morning), so Paul and I walked him to the door. I thought Paul would have fun waving “bye bye.” He actually was quite upset and cried for a minute after I closed the door. “Bye-bye” must be too permanent; most of the people we tell “bye-bye” are strangers.

Photo Update

Paul was a ham for the camera before breakfast one morning. Paul looks more and more like a little boy and less and less like a baby.

Paul likes to jam.

Lucky Friday the 13th

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I have never been superstitious. Nevertheless, when I realized our move worked out to be on Friday the 13th, I was a little wary. But all fears were unfounded. The move went like clockwork, and I once again was grateful for the ease of moving with movers. It is 100-times worth the cost! Friday was the least stressful day of the last two weeks.

Ryan was to return home Thursday night; I’d been packing and cleaning the new house* for the past two weeks. Then Ryan called to say his flight was delayed. I was so tired of packing alone that I was almost feeling like a basket case. I had put my tired little boy in bed a little early and it was about 7 p.m. Ryan wouldn’t be home for 2 1/2 hours. Despite the boxes that still needed to be filled, I fell asleep. Once he arrived home, Ryan was up until after midnight doing some last minute packing. He let me sleep, thank goodness.

When the movers got there Friday morning, we just stood out of the way and watched them work. All the stress resting on my shoulders began to dissipate. We’d made it!

Now we have to unpack, but there is no stress or pressure: all I have to do before the end of the month (12 days) is clean and vacuum our apartment. The boxes in the new house will be emptied when we get to them!

That said, we got a lot done in the last three days.

Here’s a picture illustrating all that’s to unpack in the kitchen and living room: the kitchen box is the half-filled large one on the right. The blue tub is extra kitchen stuff for the basement, and the other boxes are for the living room. I wish I took a picture of the boxes before I began to unpack so I could share how much has already been emptied!

Here’s the kitchen at this point. We’re looking for a new kitchen table and chairs. (I hate this one.)

And while I unpacked the kitchen, Ryan worked on setting up the family room. We need a console to store the games and DVDs, but so far so good!

The living room is vacant, since our living room furniture is in the family room; we’re going to get family room furniture hopefully in the next month. The dining room is vacant and will remain so, since we don’t foresee getting a dining set in the next 12 to 24 months. The basement is a mess. The master bedroom is set up and habitable, thanks to Mom and Dad’s help during their Saturday night visit. Paul’s room is likewise full of toys and fun. Both other bedrooms are offices right now; they are, needless to say, a mess.

Anyway, I’m quite happy that at least the kitchen and family room, the main areas of my life, are ready to be lived in. Not bad for three days. On to the next three days! (during which, unfortunately, Ryan will be traveling again.)

*It was pointed out to me that sharing pictures of my dirty floor is tacky. Why brag to the world of my dirty house? I agree that it’s pretty tacky. Therefore, I want to clarify that the dirty laundry room floor was dirty from the previous owners. None of it was my dirt. And I subsequently cleaned it. I was just amazed, once again, by the power of Magic Erasers and I wanted to share.

Good News (Belated)

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On January 29, we closed on our first house!

Pictures have been officially requested from my mother, who is home sick and hasn’t seen it, so I have found some time to get them together.

The weekend after we closed, we were fixing the to-be-expected things – replacing locks, cleaning the dirt and dust from months of being vacant, throwing away the previous owners’ garbage, etc. Then this last week we had the hardwood floors refinished: I think they turned out marvelously! We’ve been packing this weekend. Now that we can get into the house, I get to wipe away walls of dust from the sanding of the floors. If you want to see what I mean about dust, see this video of Paul helping me clean it in just one small corner.

I’ve been spending lots of time over at the new house and I can’t wait until we move there for good on Friday! Away with apartment living! Four bedrooms, a family room, and a yard, here we come!

Note my little cutie in most of these pictures. He loves cameras!

The facade

(When I started walking away from Paul, he started yelling at me. He wasn’t sure if it was a game or not. Then I came back and he did not want to go back inside! You can tell how warm it is: he doesn’t have a jacket. Besides the fact that one foot of snow, everywhere, melted in three days.)

The view in the front door (Swiffer in the background...)

The living room, with doors open into the dining room

(Sorry for all the spots. I didn’t do anything to these pictures other than make them small for the web….Looks pretty bad!)

The family room

I wasn’t crazy about the hardwood in the family room at first. But since we got them refinished, I love the look! I’m not sure I’d change it. I guess we’ll see how it looks with the furniture in it.

The kitchen

I am so excited for so much (comparatively) cabinet space!

The deck

The back yard is so huge. I’m quite excited. This is also a swing set with slide at the back of the yard. (My picture didn’t turn out.)

Foyer from above

I like the half-open foyer. Two story foyers are also nice, but I like how this works out (it gives me a sitting room in the master bedroom!)

Part of the master bedroom and sitting room

I suppose it’s a good problem that I can’t fit the whole room in a picture, huh? I like the little sitting room attached to the master bedroom. It looks cozy.

Tub in master bath

I’m not a bath kind of girl, usually. But in our current apartment, the master bath only has a shower, and I’ve found myself wanting a tub on some “I’m so exhausted!” nights. I’m glad the master bath has both! And this looks fun.