Category Archives: Writing

My Nights

It wasn’t fair! I was two years older, but I still had the same bed time as my little sister. I complained every night, stomping and whining.

Finally, my parents succumbed. My bedtime would be 8:31 p.m. Her bedtime would remain 8:30 p.m. I was appeased.

Someone would turn off the lights, and I would lie awake, listening to my dad playing the piano — a lullaby to go to sleep by, he always said. I would remain awake, waiting for the music to end so I could sleep in silence.

Sometimes, my sister would stir slightly in her bed on the other side of the room.

If I knew she was awake, I’d make noises with my spit.

“Stop it!” she would complain. “That’s disgusting!”

Sometimes she’d stomp out of the room. The piano would stop mid-phrase, and I’d hear her voice. I would smile into my pillow.

Some evenings, my parents would go out. I don’t know where our older brothers — our babysitters — would be. But my sister and I would go to our bedroom. She would stand by the window while I jumped from her bed to mine and back again, bouncing and laughing. Then I would stand by the window and she would bounce. When I saw the lights for our car in our court, I’d shout: “They’re coming!” She’d stop mid-bounce, and we’d quickly resume a more innocuous activity, like practicing our headstands on the bed, she against her wall, me against mine.

(One night, ten years later, my mother wondered out loud why those mattresses wore out so quickly. My sister and I glanced at each other and grinned.)

Other nights, we got mad at each other, sometimes for doing nothing worse than existing. While we were not usually physically violent with each other, one night we were. We threw things. I don’t know who threw the winning object, but it met its target. The glass lamp shade, dotted with little blue and pink flowers that matched the wallpaper, fell to the floor and broke. We stood over it in silence, staring at the sharp shards of white on the blue carpet.

Eventually, the “cat fights” got to be too much for my parents. The day my oldest brother left home for college, my parents moved my sister’s furniture, clothes, and knickknacks into his room.

At ages 10 and 12, respectively, my sister and I finally had our own rooms.

That night, I dragged my pillow and blanket into her new room, ready for our sleepover.

We had fun.

To my sister.

(True response to Sunday Scribblings #114: My Nights.)

Why In the World Do I Come to the Page?

The question: Why in the world do you come to the page?

The answer: I don’t know.

How do I not know? I wondered. Ive always considered myself a writer. From the first time I wrote my own story, I wanted to write more.

I’ve always wanted to harness the power of words the way that George Bailey wants to lasso the Moon.

What did George want to do with the moon? Who knows. But he wanted it. So is my desire to use words. I don’t know to what purpose.

Now I’m facing an internal crisis: Who am I writing for? What do I want to write? Why am I writing?

“Rebecca’s Writing Practices” is the fifth blog I’ve set up. I’m realizing I don’t have an answer to those questions in terms of this blog.

Two of my blogs are family blogs — one for me to write my life events and thoughts for my family and friends, one to post pictures of my adorable baby boy for his grandmas. These are extensions of my personal journal. I write in my journal as a sort of personal catharsis to the happy and painful events of life. My audience is myself, my family, and my extended family. I learn from my past self when I revisit my journal pages. I feel like this writing has a purpose, and I often feel satisfied with my recordings of my life. It is not polished writing, but it is mine.

Another blog I’ve begun is a reading/book reviews blog for other readers. While I am trying to keep my varied audience of readers in mind, ultimately I write because I feel the need to think critically of the things I read. I studied English in college, and I find myself trying to apply the things I learned about literature to my current reading and succinctly analyze my writing. While my reviews certainly are not A+ term paper material, I feel good about my developing ability to succinctly capture the emotions and themes of the books I’m reading.

My fourth blog is my photography blog. I don’t focus on writing, but rather capturing my memories and emotions through photography. I feel satisfied with my photography, amateur that I am.

That leads me back again to “Rebecca’s Writing Practices.” I realize that, despite what published authors say, I must have an audience in mind when I write. I’m realizing I don’t know my audience, and it’s making it hard to write. What do I want to write? I’m most familiar with personal nonfiction sketches because I’m so used to journaling and blogging. That’s what I began focusing on. I started responding to prompts using the personal experiences that are familiar to me. I want to write fiction, but I always feel frustrated when I do; it is never convincing to me because I’ve never been there. I realize that I don’t need to write for a blog, but I’m struggling to find purpose to my writing when I’m the only one reading it from the hard drive of my computer.

This leads me back to the original question: What brings me to the page (or computer, in my case) in the first place?

I have this longing, an urge, to fill the white screen with my words, with my creativity. I want to be a Creator, through words. But I don’t think that’s enough. I need a reason to write, and I need to have an audience in mind.

Writer’s Block

I wrote something dumb recently. When I reread it and noticed how ridiculous it was, I threw it out in shame. Now, I’ve been having a hard time writing anything. I just can’t approach writing this week.

I think I’m afraid that whatever I create will be mediocre — a problem I’m sure will be true. This blog wasn’t intended to be for polished writing. I’m so out of practice, anything I write will be mediocre.

I realize that I am an amateur writer. As a child I was full of creativity. I wrote stories, I wrote in a journal, I wrote plays, and I generally remained creative. I haven’t had any forums for my creativity lately. I desire some of those “creative juices” so I can be the writer I want to be.

I started this blog to force myself to be accountable — to have a forum where I felt I must answer the internal call to write. I thought I’d respond to the online writing prompts and that would help me become better. In some respects, it’s been good to respond. In others, I don’t see it helping. I don’t want people telling me “Well done!” or “I understand” all the time because that won’t help me. At the same time, I’m terrified of being told that I’m a lousy writer and that my images are ridiculous or silly.

I realize that I need an audience in mind when I write: I need a purpose to what I’m writing. Writing “for the world” via a blog is not necessarily working for me.

I’ll be back on this blog. But first I need to figure out why I’ve started it, and I need to get past this week of writer’s block.

FICTION Three Word Wednesday: Deny Smile Uncomfortable

“Do you deny it?” she asked, pinching the unknown lipstick tube between two fingers, her face red. Still he sat with an uncomfortable smile.

“How long has it been going on?” She dropped the lipstick on the dresser and walked to the closet, her slip swishing.

He didn’t respond but fiddled with his tie and tried to avoid her glare.

“I thought I could trust you when you said…” She let her sentence trail off as she pulled the black dress over her head.

The silence continued as she struggled with the zipper. Finally, he spoke: “I couldn’t help it. I would have stopped, but…”

“You couldn’t help it!” She spat the words out and stopped dressing to stare at him again. “I don’t believe that.”

His smile had disappeared. Now he looked down at his hands, which sat limply in his lap.

“I mean, what were you thinking?” She had resumed dressing and now reached for her jewelry box.

“I have this passion, honey,” he mumbled. “I felt… I had to …. Besides, you’ve been working so late.”

“Even if I’m not here, don’t I have any say in how you spend your weeknights?” She grumbled as she knelt before him. He looked up to see her slender neck, the pearl necklace he’d given her waiting to be clasped.

“I want you to trust me,” he said, clasping her hook and letting his hand graze her soft skin. “I’ll call right now. The whole thing is off.” His face looked calm, but his eyes still looked troubled.

She smiled softly and sighed, still kneeling before him. “Does it really mean that much to you?”

“Yes.” His eyes begged hers for understanding.

She sighed again and stood. “Then act in that bizarre drama.” She motioned for him to take her arm. “I just never thought I’d have a husband so obsessed with the stage.”

Last week, I practiced creating a scene and emotion in 140 characters. I did the same this week, but then I decided I needed to finish the scene. What was really happening? I had fun trying to do so.

Very Short Writing for Three Prompts

Daily Writing Tips and Copyblogger have both posted about very short story writing lately. Copyblogger even held a contest for very short stories, limited to 140 characters. Not 140 words: 140 characters. I felt inspired after reading the entries. The winners are found here, or see all the entries and be the judge yourself at Smithereens Blog.

I unfortunately didn’t find the contest in time to enter and win, but here are my three attempts, each one exactly 140 characters.

Three Word Wednesday #88: Blurred Illegal Match

My eyes blurred when I heard sirens. Another, I groaned inside. I didn’t know the turn was illegal! Yesterday’s ticket did not need a match.

[Note: I had a hard time keeping the words in order. And then I realized I probably didn’t have to. Oh well. There you have it.]

Sunday Scribblings #113: Curve

We studied together for the exam, sharing notes and answers. Test day came and I did well: 100%. But no one would face me: I set the curve.

[Note: I hated it when teachers graded tests based on curves! When people then do well on the test, they’re socially ostracized.]

Writer’s Island: Extravaganza

One night each month, we set aside homework, turned on the music, and danced: six 19-year-olds acting like girls at a homemade extravaganza.

These were so incredibly fun to do! If you want to try, link or paste yours in the comments!

My Manuscript Stinks: Four Scenes

The monthly challenge for the My Manuscript Stinks Society (MMS Society) was to write four scenes of a novel.

Make sure that each scene creates a different emotion or group of emotions. Also, make sure that each scene features at least one strong image (try using all five of the senses).

I won’t post any of my novel on the web. I won’t even tell you what it’s about. Why?

  1. It really stinks. I cannot write fiction. My attempts are so horrible, I am embarrassed.
  2. I’m positive I’ll rewrite these scenes a number of times.
  3. I’m not sure the current plot will work or be interesting or both and I don’t want my ideas to be shot down just quite yet.

However, I did this assignment, mostly. I reworked an old scene (despair) and then I wrote three new ones (joy, fear, and anger leading to sadness). They were all short. On this website, I’ve been working on short scenes, in which I create emotions, setting or characters in a very small amount of space. When I went to my novel this month, I found myself focusing on very small snippets of the scenes. I am having a hard time creating a larger scene and continuing the dialogue.

As I said above, I consider my fiction writing talents to be horrible. Having an assignment to revisit my attempt at a novel was very good for me.

  1. As I started writing the scene with a vague idea of characters, I found my characters taking on slightly different attitudes then I anticipated. Now I know what people mean when they say they write but the characters create themselves. (Interestingly, a year ago I had anticipated writing from a daughter’s point of view and started a few scenes. A few months ago, I became a mother. Now I found myself changing and writing from the mother’s point of view. It feels much more natural. This is what I mean about rewriting the entire thing a few times.)
  2. I found that it is hard to describe an emotion: I find myself remembering how I have felt at various points in my life. I can’t describe an emotion using five senses unless I’ve experienced it.
  3. It is challenging to write dialogue that is convincing, but dialogue is what moves each scene.

I have a lot to learn about how to create a fictional scene. What suggestions do you have? I’d appreciate your advice!

FICTION Writer’s Island: The Return

I shift my son from my left hip to my right, and he whines and squirms for escape. The diaper bag over my shoulder slips to my elbow and I stop to reposition it.

My husband stops beside me, reaching for the bag, his wheeled bag toppling.

“You got it?”

I nod but hand him the diaper bag, again repositioning the eight-month-old rock squirming in my arms.

My son smiles and reaches for his daddy, but I pull him close to me. We walk. Up the escalator and we’ll be there, here, done, finished, back again, finally returned.

Sunday Scribblings #112: Quitting

If he wasn’t born by 3 p.m., I would die. I would quit, that’s all.

“I can’t do this!” I said again.

“You are doing it!” the midwife repeated.

At 3 p.m., I decided not to die. Thirteen minutes later, with one long push, my son appeared, blue and squirmy and tiny.

That night, alone and exhausted, I held my fussy newborn in my arms, willing him to sleep: “I can’t stay awake much longer!”

And I realized I will never quit on him: after birthing him without medication, I can and will handle anything in the challenge called motherhood.