Category Archives: Womanhood

Lucky Friday the 13th

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I have never been superstitious. Nevertheless, when I realized our move worked out to be on Friday the 13th, I was a little wary. But all fears were unfounded. The move went like clockwork, and I once again was grateful for the ease of moving with movers. It is 100-times worth the cost! Friday was the least stressful day of the last two weeks.

Ryan was to return home Thursday night; I’d been packing and cleaning the new house* for the past two weeks. Then Ryan called to say his flight was delayed. I was so tired of packing alone that I was almost feeling like a basket case. I had put my tired little boy in bed a little early and it was about 7 p.m. Ryan wouldn’t be home for 2 1/2 hours. Despite the boxes that still needed to be filled, I fell asleep. Once he arrived home, Ryan was up until after midnight doing some last minute packing. He let me sleep, thank goodness.

When the movers got there Friday morning, we just stood out of the way and watched them work. All the stress resting on my shoulders began to dissipate. We’d made it!

Now we have to unpack, but there is no stress or pressure: all I have to do before the end of the month (12 days) is clean and vacuum our apartment. The boxes in the new house will be emptied when we get to them!

That said, we got a lot done in the last three days.

Here’s a picture illustrating all that’s to unpack in the kitchen and living room: the kitchen box is the half-filled large one on the right. The blue tub is extra kitchen stuff for the basement, and the other boxes are for the living room. I wish I took a picture of the boxes before I began to unpack so I could share how much has already been emptied!

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Here’s the kitchen at this point. We’re looking for a new kitchen table and chairs. (I hate this one.)

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And while I unpacked the kitchen, Ryan worked on setting up the family room. We need a console to store the games and DVDs, but so far so good!

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The living room is vacant, since our living room furniture is in the family room; we’re going to get family room furniture hopefully in the next month. The dining room is vacant and will remain so, since we don’t foresee getting a dining set in the next 12 to 24 months. The basement is a mess. The master bedroom is set up and habitable, thanks to Mom and Dad’s help during their Saturday night visit. Paul’s room is likewise full of toys and fun. Both other bedrooms are offices right now; they are, needless to say, a mess.

Anyway, I’m quite happy that at least the kitchen and family room, the main areas of my life, are ready to be lived in. Not bad for three days. On to the next three days! (during which, unfortunately, Ryan will be traveling again.)

*It was pointed out to me that sharing pictures of my dirty floor is tacky. Why brag to the world of my dirty house? I agree that it’s pretty tacky. Therefore, I want to clarify that the dirty laundry room floor was dirty from the previous owners. None of it was my dirt. And I subsequently cleaned it. I was just amazed, once again, by the power of Magic Erasers and I wanted to share.

Good News (Belated)

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On January 29, we closed on our first house!

Pictures have been officially requested from my mother, who is home sick and hasn’t seen it, so I have found some time to get them together.

The weekend after we closed, we were fixing the to-be-expected things – replacing locks, cleaning the dirt and dust from months of being vacant, throwing away the previous owners’ garbage, etc. Then this last week we had the hardwood floors refinished: I think they turned out marvelously! We’ve been packing this weekend. Now that we can get into the house, I get to wipe away walls of dust from the sanding of the floors. If you want to see what I mean about dust, see this video of Paul helping me clean it in just one small corner.

I’ve been spending lots of time over at the new house and I can’t wait until we move there for good on Friday! Away with apartment living! Four bedrooms, a family room, and a yard, here we come!

Note my little cutie in most of these pictures. He loves cameras!

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The facade

(When I started walking away from Paul, he started yelling at me. He wasn’t sure if it was a game or not. Then I came back and he did not want to go back inside! You can tell how warm it is: he doesn’t have a jacket. Besides the fact that one foot of snow, everywhere, melted in three days.)

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The view in the front door (Swiffer in the background...)

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The living room, with doors open into the dining room

(Sorry for all the spots. I didn’t do anything to these pictures other than make them small for the web….Looks pretty bad!)

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The family room

I wasn’t crazy about the hardwood in the family room at first. But since we got them refinished, I love the look! I’m not sure I’d change it. I guess we’ll see how it looks with the furniture in it.

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The kitchen

I am so excited for so much (comparatively) cabinet space!

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The deck

The back yard is so huge. I’m quite excited. This is also a swing set with slide at the back of the yard. (My picture didn’t turn out.)

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Foyer from above

I like the half-open foyer. Two story foyers are also nice, but I like how this works out (it gives me a sitting room in the master bedroom!)

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Part of the master bedroom and sitting room

I suppose it’s a good problem that I can’t fit the whole room in a picture, huh? I like the little sitting room attached to the master bedroom. It looks cozy.

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Tub in master bath

I’m not a bath kind of girl, usually. But in our current apartment, the master bath only has a shower, and I’ve found myself wanting a tub on some “I’m so exhausted!” nights. I’m glad the master bath has both! And this looks fun.

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Room that will probably be Paul's room

Again, it’s hard to get perspective: the ceiling is peaked (as was the master bedroom) and it makes the room feel so much bigger.

Well, I hope that satiates the curious. I’ll try to post again to let you know how the move goes on Friday!

I suppose that means I should go pack so we’ll be ready, huh…

A Happy Birthday Defined

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Last year, I had laparoscopic surgery four days before my birthday. On my birthday, my husband had to go back to work, so I rested in bed for the fourth straight day, three-month-old Paul on the bed right next to me, kicking and sleeping and otherwise acting surprisingly good. By the time Ryan was due to come home, I was bored from being in bed for days, so I got up and made a very yummy dinner for us. (It was all the more delicious to eat knowing that I could not possibly have a gall stone attack.) All told, it was a nice birthday.

This year’s birthday has been even better. Last year, my (costliest) present was abdominal surgery (for which I was very grateful). This year, my present contains a roof, four bedrooms, granite kitchen countertops, and a back yard. It should be ours as of next Thursday evening, barring disaster.

Of course, it will take at least 30 years to pay for this present, so I guess my birthday presents for the foreseeable future are covered!

My Happy Birthday

This year’s main disappointment was that my husband was out of town. But since I knew this would be the case, I was determined to have a happy birthday all the same. So I’ve been asking myself, what makes a happy birthday?

Last year, I loved making my husband dinner; it was just what I needed, since I’d had a few days of laziness. It felt wonderful to do something for someone else. It felt nice to be productive. I wanted a nice birthday this year, even while alone.

When I awoke yesterday morning, I decided that I wanted to take a luxurious, warm shower in my own shower. As much as I love to exercise in the morning, there is something quite distasteful to showering, changing, and doing my hair in the public restroom. No: on my birthday, at least, I wanted to get “cute” at home.

Then I asked myself: what would I love for my birthday? I decided I wanted to have a clean house. When Ryan’s gone, I get lazy: I leave dishes in the sink; I leave things lying around; I leave messes on the counter. So after Paul ate (or not) his breakfast, I cleaned the entire downstairs. I cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom, and I vacuumed the entire house.

It felt so nice to have a clean house. I kept thinking: what a wonderful birthday present I’m giving myself! And it didn’t feel like work. (Don’t get me wrong; I don’t like to clean. But it felt good.)

Paul was cranky, but as a result he was happy to give me a few minutes of cuddling during Sesame Street. Then we went to Paul’s playgroup for an hour, where he could run around, much to his delight. After his lunch, Paul went down for a nap, and I indulged in reading a little of my novel. After all, I’d already cleaned the house; I didn’t have to feel guilty. Then I frosted the chocolate cake I’d made and  two of my friends came over to help me eat it; one friend has a little boy Paul’s age, so they had lots of fun.

By the time my friends left, Paul had his dinner and I gave him a bath: I love the laugh of a happy little boy. I sang him a lullaby and he went to sleep. I had a little bit of time to write on my blog and then I talked to my husband on the phone for an hour. Sigh. It was as perfect a birthday as could be without my husband here.

What Is a Happy Birthday?

People seem to say that birthdays are a day for other people to indulge you: your “special day” apparently means no work.

But I don’t understand that. Waiting for other people to serve me would have made for a pretty disappointing birthday. I would have been completely alone, in a dirty house, with a cranky baby, and no chocolate cake. And, in the long run, I think that attitude would lead to a pretty disappointing life. Other people can’t anticipate what I want, and nagging them to do what I want wouldn’t be much fun either. (I hate nagging.)

I loved the fact that doing little things for myself (like doing my hair and makeup, cleaning my house, visiting with friends, making a treat) were very rewarding in one little day. And I think that is what I should be doing every day, for that is what makes life rewarding.

I like the concept of birthdays: a special day for each person. And yet, as busy stay-at-home mothers, I think we should treat every day as our birthday: not by being selfish and expecting things of others, but by doing for ourselves whatever it takes to make life pleasant. (Not that I suggest we eat chocolate cake every day, or sit and read a novel every afternoon, or clean the house every day…)

The next step, of course, is then going out and making a difference in other people’s lives. Why wait for their one day of the year?

What makes your birthday happy? What do you hope for? What do you do for yourself every day?

The Previous Chapters…

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When I mentioned to my friend that it is my birthday tomorrow, she asked me how old I will be. I had to think about it. (I’m going to be 28, I’ve decided.) It’s funny how as a child we count down the days to being “a year older!” and now it feels like a day older.

So now I’ve been thinking about “another year older.” As a result, I’ve been thinking of how my life has changed in the past decade – and the ways each chapter of my life has impacted who I am today. I’ve learned a lot, but each life chapter has had its own challenges.

Here are the titles and the abstracts of the last nine chapters of my life. I also included some “heart pictures” because I didn’t always have a photograph of most of these events.

Chapter 18 (1999): Escape

The chapter in which I jumped for joy when I discovered I could escape my dreary parent’s home earlier than I thought to go to BYU summer school at the same time as my “pen pal” boyfriend in Texas. Also, the chapter in which I made the greatest friends I have ever had. Also, the chapter in which I learned what it meant to have to “cook” myself dinner. (Thanks, Mom, for sending the meal card! I was hungry.)

Heart picture: Six girls dancing to music in our tiny Heritage Halls kitchen.

Chapter 19 (2000): Myself

The chapter in which I searched for myself spiritually (as a visitor of the BYU Jerusalem center in Jerusalem during Jubilee year), emotionally (as I accepted myself as myself), academically (as a beginning college student), and physically (as I searched for belonging in a campus of 30,000+ people).

Heart pictures: Seeing the old city of Jerusalem when I pause in my scripture study; also, listening to Handel’s Messiah from that same private balcony.

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The Old City, Jerusalem, taken by me

Chapter 20 (2001): Alone

The chapter in which I felt sad and alone as I immersed myself in schoolwork and sought for a place among five very different roommates.

Heart pictures (which I’d rather forget): Reading Juno email (the most annoying free email ever) at my computer, which was on a desk propped up by a cardboard box; also, watching the twin towers fall, wanting to cry, and wondering why my four European roommates asked me to turn off the TV.

Chapter 21 (2002): In Charge

The chapter in which perseverance provided rewards as I suddenly had three jobs and leadership positions and lots of responsibility and senior-year classes and lots of papers to write and roommates and friends who wanted to “hang out” and references and hopes for the future and a chance to live in Bolivia doing “service” for ten weeks.

Heart pictures: The Sigma Tau Delta logo, which organization seemed to dominate a good portion of my life; also, my first cell phone, which made life bearable (my five roommates never accurately took messages); also, the “Magnetic Meat Market” (i.e., the single’s ward phone/picture directory, attached to magnets) on our apartment door (so we could play match maker).

Chapter 22 (2003): Missionary

The chapter in which I forsook my new degree to serve 24-hours-day as a missionary (to mostly single students) in Seattle.

Heart pictures: Sharing the gospel with dozens of young students (actually at home!) after tracting through nine inches of snow on a day when school was cancelled.

Chapter 23 (2004): Recovery

The chapter in which I rejoined “society,” stopped reading the scriptures for an hour every morning, and re-learned that guys don’t want “handshakes” upon greeting and departure. Also the chapter in which I got my first salaried job.

Heart pictures: A singles ward “linger longer”; also, my first car, a 1991? white Ford Mercury.

Chapter 24 (2005): Single

The chapter in which I decided I had enough of singles wards and single guys and I decided to live life my way, like getting accepted into graduate school and traveling Europe with my friend. Also the chapter in which I happened to meet my husband (interesting how that happened…).

Heart Pictures: Seeing Paris from the top of the Eiffel Tower at night with Karen after not having slept since leaving Chicago and seeing the Louvre and taking a boat ride down the Seine.

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an out-of-focus view of the Seine from the Eiffel Tower at twilight

Chapter 25 (2006): Newlywed

The chapter in which I had an ideal 100-day engagement, to my coworkers’ amazement (apparently, that’s short). Also the chapter in which I had the most perfect wedding on the most perfect day in the most perfect temple (that’s the Chicago temple, in case you’re wondering) to the most perfect man. Also the chapter in which I drop out of grad school after one class and my new husband and I despair during the four days a week in which he travels.

Heart Pictures: Seeing my husband across the altar and realizing he’s mine for eternity.

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our perfect wedding day

Chapter 26 (2007): Mother

The chapter in which I spent the entire (almost) year pregnant, I quit my job, and I moved to Australia. Also the chapter in which I didn’t die in childbirth and Paul was born, finally, even without pain medication. Also the chapter in which I got very little sleep at the end.

Heart Pictures: Feeling the baby kick on Mother’s day; also, the first moment I saw and held Paul, a squirming, slippery, messy, skinny bit of perfection.

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Paul's first picture, 2 hours old

Chapter 27 (2008): Ex Pat

The chapter in which I loved living in Australia and touring Australia and New Zealand and yet began to eagerly await our return to America. Also the chapter in which I struggled to distinguish nickels from quarters upon our eventual return stateside.

Heart pictures: Traveling through New Zealand with an 8-month-old in a backpack; also, business class on an 18-hour flight (thanks to my husband’s company!).

Chapter 28 (2009):  ?

What will define this year in my life? I guess only time will tell.

As I look back on these past years, I know that the most wonderful “heart pictures” of all of these are the ones with my husband and my baby. That’s what I want to remember this year for.

How to Have A Very Merry Christmas (All Year)

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In the past two weeks, I’ve written a dozen blog post for this site in my head. And yet, none of them made it to the page. I’ve been too busy enjoying my favorite season. Of course there were some things I’d rather not repeat (who really wants a foot of snow when they say “white Christmas”?!) but overall it was a wonderful month!

As I thought about these happy moments this season, I realized there is no reason we can’t be doing these all year long. May the Spirit of the season stay with you and your family!

  • Listen to Christmas music all the time. I love Christmas music! I was going to highlight some favorite songs/versions of traditional songs, much as I highlighted my nativities, but it didn’t happen. I’m glad I don’t have any silly self-imposed rules about “not listening until after Thanksgiving,” because I can keep listening as long as I want and I can take it out again in July if I feel like it. I love it.
  • Make fudge. And eat it. Need I say more?
  • Decorate cookies. The idea was it was for my nieces and nephews (ages 9 months to 7 years) to decorate cookies, but I also had a great time decorating cookies. Somehow, I forgot to take pictures this year. Oops!
  • Read every child’s Christmas picture book you find at the library. I got a bit carried away, but I sure had fun finding favorites, new and old. My result is at Rebecca Reads here. (If you do this out of the month of December, you may be able to find specific ones you’re looking for!)
  • Celebrate with someone who’s worked hard at something (i.e., your newly Doctorate-d mother). My mother went back to school when I was in 5th grade, just because she wanted to. She got her Master’s degree after about three years and she’s been working on her Ph.D. (because she wanted to) one class and one dissertation page at a time since then. I am so proud of her dedication. And now, 350+ dissertation pages later, I’m so proud I now officially have a Dr. Mom in the family! (I got a copy of her dissertation for Christmas, and I’m very eager to read about “Mother Eve” in medieval literature. Wouldn’t you be?)

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Mom is “robed” by Dr. Nicole Clifton. (This is a zoomed in photo of the monitor in the arena; my camera wouldn’t zoom enough on my mom!)

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with oldest grandson

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Mother and Daughter

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The Benac Women

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The Doctors Sorenson

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Mom and her right hand man, Dad

  • Spend time with family. We visited with family on average 3 days a week this entire month! It was sure nice to talk and visit together so much. While I know we can’t visit so regularly once “Real Life” gets back in to gear, it was sure a nice way to spend the holidays.
  • Listen to Grandma reading The Grinch on Christmas Eve. This was a special trip down memory lane that I don’t want to forget.

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The Fosdick family reads along as Great-Grandma reads The Grinch.

  • Sing with your family. Our family likes to sing and we had so much fun Christmas Eve singing together. Here’s a very out-of-focus-Paul trying to sing along (he moves!) and rocking in a little rocking chair just his size.

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  • Ask Santa for his yummy peppermint bark. It sure made for a tasty Christmas morning! Even if it’s not Christmas, you and your family deserves a treat like this every once in a while, don’t you think?

And last, but not least, the absolutely best way to celebrate the Spirit of Christmas:

  • Host a missionary discussion in your home. Last Friday night, we hosted a discussion with a sister (whom we didn’t know previously). It was about the Atonement of Jesus Christ and it was the sweetest way to bring the Christmas spirit into our home. As the missionaries left, I decided I’d like to do that again and again in the coming months. Christ, and His Atonement, is the true meaning of the season. Because we have the gospel in our lives, we truly can have the Christmas spirit all year long. I am so grateful for that. She’s coming again tonight. What a true delight!

Note to family: I also have the extended family pictures, some of which turned out pretty well. Paul’s waking from his nap right now, so I don’t have time to put them up, but I promise I will get them soon!

Why We Teach Our Children of Santa Claus

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“Oh, and you must not forget the Kris Kringle. The child must believe in him until she reaches the age of six.”

“Mother, I know there are no ghosts or fairies. I would be teaching my child foolish lies.”

Mary spoke sharply. “You do not know whether there are not ghosts on earth or angels in heaven.”

“I know there is no Santa Claus.”

“Yet you must teach the child that these things are so.”

“Why? When I, myself, do not believe?”

“Because,” explained Mary Rommely simply, “the child must have a valuable thing which is called imagination. The child must have a secret world in which things live that never were. It is necessary that she believe. She must start out by believing in things not of this world. Then when the world becomes too ugly for living in, the child can reach back and live in her imagination. …”

“The child will grow up and find out things for herself. She will know that I lied. She will be disappointed.”

“That is what is called learning the truth. It is a good thing to learn the truth one’s self. To first believe with all your heart, and then not to believe, is good too. It fattens the emotions and makes them stretch. When as a woman life and people disappoint her, she will have had practice in disappointment and it will not come so hard. …”

The night that Francie Nolan was born; conversation between her mother and grandmother. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith, page 84-85.

The Mother’s Way

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I’ve wanted to be more “creative” lately, so I picked up a book of ideas, The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. I liked some of her suggestions, but others just weren’t right.

Her main premise is that creativity is God-given, and if we nurture ourselves, we will find it within us. That concept reminded me of Elder Uchtdorf’s talk at the Relief Society meeting:

The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. No matter our talents, education, backgrounds, or abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before.

Everyone can create. You don’t need money, position, or influence in order to create something of substance or beauty.

Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment. We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matter into our hands and mold it into something of beauty .

Julia Cameron tells us that the key to career resiliency (that is, finding a creative career more suited to your creativity) is self-empowerment and choice. Since I stepped out of an office (my choice) to have my baby (also my choice) and I haven’t been back (still my choice), I pretty much chose my current career. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

No trumpets sound when the important decisions of our life are made. Destiny is made known silently. Agnes de Mille (quoted on page 144)

Raising a family is my destiny.

I picked up this book at just the wrong time. She has good ideas, but I don’t have time for them. And some ideas really don’t seem all that good. She encourages readers to take the time to write 20 minutes in the morning pages, write another hour every day, and take a break every week for an artist’s date. Get a sitter now, stop serving other people, and serve yourself for once. If you don’t let yourself do these things, she suggests, you aren’t giving yourself the luxury you deserve.

Part way into this book, I realized why I was so bothered: My baby is my luxury. I waited my entire life to be a mother, and I have the blessing of staying home with my baby. It means I’m not going to write for an hour every day. Serving others, particularly my baby, is a great way that I feel spiritual; if I only served myself all the time, I’d feel very depressed. Life is about service to others!

Yet, I think she has good points for people trying to make creativity a career; you can’t make a career out of writing on the side. Toni Morrison (quoted on page 97) said:

We are traditionally rather proud of ourselves for having slipped creative work in there between the domestic chores and obligations. I’m not sure we deserve such big A-pluses for that.

I completely agree: I’ve been trying to slip in my creativity during the day. But that’s not how it’s done. If I’m serious about my writing, I must be serious when I write.

Cameron would probably suggest that I’m afraid to start being creative, so I’m using my baby as an excuse. Maybe I am afraid. But she does asks the reader to ponder what gives us true joy (page 110), and we are encouraged to pursue that thing. I realized that I already am pursuing it: my baby gives me true joy. Yes, it’s hard work to always watch him every day. No, there really isn’t any time off, although there are nap breaks most days. I suppose that to be truly creative, I can’t be a full-time, never-stop mom, as I am. But I don’t want to change that for any amount of creativity.

By reading The Artist’s Way, I’ve been inspired to seek moments of creativity. I won’t write a novel this month, but I’ll start writing the morning pages. I might not make a daily career of my writing, but I’ll do what I can on the side.

That’s not something to be proud of, but it’s what I can do now, in the midst of my dream career. And I can be proud of following “The Mother’s Way.”

One Year Old

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Paul is one-year-old today. I spent all day trying to think of something creative and deep I could write on my page that shows how much I learned in the past year and how much I love my little boy. I didn’t think of anything clever.

Today I did wipe his nose a number of times . And we ate. A lot. He’s a happy little boy, but my does he love to eat!

I love my little boy. I’ve learned a lot.

Pumpkin Soup

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I actually cooked dinner for my family Sunday night. It was deliciously successful and the soup was super-easy, so I thought I’d share what I did. I’m not sure which parts were actually on the recipe I had, but here’s what I did.

  • In a medium-sized pot, saute 2 (small) onions in butter until soft
  • Add 1 15-oz can of (low sodium) chicken stock and simmer for 10-15 minutes.
  • Take off heat. Put in blender until smooth.
  • Put back on heat. Add 2 15-oz cans pureed pumpkin* and 2 more 15-oz cans of (low sodium) chicken stock. Throw in ground ginger (about 1/4-1/2 teaspoon), ground cinnamon (the lid fell off the container and I dumped probably half a tablespoon in and it was great), and black pepper to taste. You might need some salt, but taste it before adding any (the broth might be salty enough).
  • Simmer for 15 minutes or however long it takes you to prepare the rest of dinner, feed your baby, set the table, or do something else.
  • If you want, put it in the blender again to make sure it’s smooth. This may not be necessary. Bring it back to a simmer until warm.
  • Turn the heat very low and add 1/2-1 cup of cream or whole milk. Warm the soup, but DO NOT LET IT BOIL.
  • Take it off the heat and serve.

*If you bake and puree your own pumpkin, make sure you strain it really well, or it ends up all stringy. I learned this when I was in Australia dn they didn’t sell canned pumpkin.