Category Archives: Pregnancy and Childbirth

Sunday Scribblings #112: Quitting

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If he wasn’t born by 3 p.m., I would die. I would quit, that’s all.

“I can’t do this!” I said again.

“You are doing it!” the midwife repeated.

At 3 p.m., I decided not to die. Thirteen minutes later, with one long push, my son appeared, blue and squirmy and tiny.

That night, alone and exhausted, I held my fussy newborn in my arms, willing him to sleep: “I can’t stay awake much longer!”

And I realized I will never quit on him: after birthing him without medication, I can and will handle anything in the challenge called motherhood.

One-Year Anniversary

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No, this is not my wedding anniversary: this is my blogging anniversary.

In the past year, a lot has happened. My husband and I moved to Australia. I had a baby. I went from working full-time to being a mom full-time. I learned to cook. I had abdominal surgery.

I guess that doesn’t sound like a lot, but I feel like I’ve learned a lot this year.

In the past year, I’ve written more than 80 posts. Here are some of the things I experienced and learned (and wrote about):

For good measure, here are my favorite recipe and my favorite photographs.

In looking back over these posts, I realize that not many of them have anything to do with being in Australia. I could have learned these lessons anywhere. I guess that’s the point of life: we learn what we need to learn, wherever we are.

As a stay-at-home mom, I know that I need an outlet where I can develop my creativity and my own thoughts. That’s why I like my page: it is mine.

Notice that I call it “Rebecca’s Webpage.” It is not our family page. (I don’t think my husband even reads it; if he does, it’s a month after the fact.) At the same time, I will write about my life, and of course my family is a huge part of that.

This page is my personal forum and journal, online. And I love having a place to write. When I think about this blog, I feel satisfied. And I think that’s the reason I write it.

Lesson 6: Adversity Can Help Us Grow

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Since my class didn’t have a substitute — other than the teacher next door, who taught Book of Mormon — they are now three weeks behind. I will have to merge lessons, but I really don’t want to shorten the next three. They are so important! It’s my current challenge, or, if you will, a tiny little “adversity.”

In 2 Nephi, chapter 2, Lehi explained to his son Jacob why we need adversity to learn (verses 11, 16, 22-23). When we compare our lives to life in the Garden of Eden, we see that life would be lacking if there wasn’t opposition. As I mentioned when I shared my thoughts about the Garden of Eden, it’s clear to me that opposition is necessary. I used the example of childbirth: it was horrible, but I learned so much.

In that same chapter of the Book of Mormon, we read about a person who faced adversity (2 Nephi 2:1-2). Jacob was “afflicted” because of his brothers. When I think that Laman and Lemuel tried to kill Nephi multiple times, I think that Jacob must have really struggled as a young boy trying to learn the gospel! And yet, Lehi says that Jacob nevertheless was strong in the faith. I think his trials as a child made him stronger.

Let’s read about other examples of adversity. As we read, think about how we can prepare for adversity.

In the first, a parable, there are two people facing adversity (Matthew 7:24-27). This is a story we’ve known since primary when we sang it:

The wise man built his house upon the rock,
And the rains came tumbling down.
The rains came down, and the floods came up,
And the house on the rock stood still.
The foolish man built his house upon the sand
And the rains came tumbling down.
The rains came down, and the floods came up
And the house on the sand washed away.

When I was young, I thought of this song as a “fun song” after all, there are hand motions. I didn’t realize it was a spiritual song. It is talking about Christ, and how we need to build a foundation on Christ:

And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall. –Helaman 5:12

Life is hard because there is adversity in it, and there is no promise that it will be easy for us: we knew it would be hard when we agreed to come to earth. But we can rely on Christ and make him our foundation as we go through hard times.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. –Matthew 11:28-30

(Note, and this is just me: I don’t think he’s saying things will be easy if we turn to him. He’s saying his yoke is easy. I think that means that it is easy to turn to Him and make Him a part of our lives. He’s there for us. We still may have a hard life, filled with adversity, even by depending on Christ. The man with a house upon a rock still had to face the rains. But Christ can help us, and we’ll have a foundation that is sturdy. We can trust Christ to always be there.)

Here are some scriptural examples of adversity.

  • Jonah 1:1-17; 2:1, 10; 3:1-3
  • 1 Nephi 16:18-27, 30-32
  • D&C 121:heading, 1-2, 6, 7-8 and D&C 122:5-9

As we read, we’ll answer these questions:

  • Who had the trial?
  • What trial did he have?
  • Why did he have this trial?
  • What did he learn?

Some adversity is our own fault: we sin and thus bring adversity upon ourselves (as Jonah did and as we do when we break the commandments). Other adversity doesn’t come from sin but from the circumstances we are in (Nephi’s bow broke; our car didn’t start; our dinner burned, which technically is our fault but we didn’t intend for it to happen). Still other trials come because other people are exercising their agency (Nephi’s family complained against him; enemies put Joseph Smith in jail; our little brother lost our favorite book). But ultimately, adversity can strengthen us. We can’t complain too much: as the Lord reminded Joseph Smith, the Son of Man descended beneath all of us: He suffered for all of us already. If we say it’s too hard, we’re saying we’re greater than He is.

Let’s not pretend our adversity is that bad. By relying on Christ and making Him our foundation, we can get through any rains that may come.

Lesson 6 of 45

Lesson 3: The Fall of Adam and Eve

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Sometimes I think it would be nice to live in a world with no sickness, no sorrow, and no pain. What would such a world be like?

I’ll begin with the trivial: I wouldn’t be uncomfortably hot during the summer. Now, on hot days, I hope for a short summer and early autumn. Of course, I wouldn’t have any uncomfortably cold wintery days either. But, without the extreme weather, I wouldn’t appreciate spring and autumn weather. By eliminating unpleasant weather, pleasant weather gets very boring.

Then I think about a world void of sicknesses and pain. I’ve always been healthy and lacked major health problems. That has changed in the past four months. (Having a baby helps your body fall apart, I guess.) I would love to eliminate pain and sickness from my life! Ironically, though, it is only now that I’ve regularly experienced ill health that I recognize what a blessing it was to have had good health. Every day that I am not ill is a very good day (there still are plenty of those), and some days I feel great! By being ill, I appreciate so much more being well. (However, I really do look forward to not being ill on a regular basis.)

It might sound nice initially, but a world without sickness, sorrow, pain, and sin would lack all enjoyment as well.

In the beginning, Adam and Eve lived in such a world.

When they were first placed there, they were given two commandments:

  1. Multiply and replenish the earth (Genesis 1:28)
  2. Don’t partake of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil (Genesis 2:16-17)

And here lies the most complex irony: because the garden was a place of innocence, Adam and Eve couldn’t fulfill the first commandment without breaking the second.

When Adam and Eve did choose to partake of the fruit, they committed a transgression, not a sin. Because there was nothing inherently wrong with partaking of the fruit, it was not a sin to partake of it, even though it was a commandment not to.

I like this comparison: A parent tells a child to never cross the street. Does the parent have a reason for the rule? Yes. But is it inherently wrong to cross the street? No. At some point in his life, the child needs to cross the street.

Eve had a dilemma. She had to choose to sacrifice her painless world of innocence in order to gain experience and to bear children. She did not know what the experience would be because she’d never before experienced it. No human had experienced it. It’s hard to choose to experience the unknown. And yet, she wanted to gain experience and she wanted to raise children.

I feel close to her dilemma. A little more than three months ago, I went through incredible pains to bring a child into the world. It was horrible. I thought I was going to die. I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to give up. Why can’t we have children without the pain?

Well, that’s not the plan, and I’m not talking about the lack of drugs. (I imagine childbirth is still quite painful with drugs.) There is much pain in raising a child, beyond childbirth. The plan of our Heavenly Father is to learn from experience. Experience sometimes entails fear and pain, but it also includes incredible happiness. There is supposed to be opposition as we experience the good.

Eve could only bear children by giving up innocence. I can’t speak for Eve, but because I went through that painful experience of childbirth:

  • I have the most beautiful, perfect little boy to raise.
  • I learned a lot about my abilities to do what I have to do.
  • I gained an incredible spiritual closeness to my Heavenly Father.
  • I am learning every day from my child.

I think childbirth is an incredible miracle. But it required going through a very challenging experience. It required that I not live in a perfect world, void of pain and sorrow.

Adam [and Eve] fell that man [and woman] might be, and men [and women] are that they might have joy. 2 Nephi 2:25

I’m grateful for the Fall of Adam and Eve. It meant I could come to earth. It meant I can bear children. It meant that I can have my joy multiplied as I Experience. And truly, my family is my greatest joy.

Lesson 3 of 45

Survey Says…

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I got a call the other day from a student at Melbourne University. She called me as a follow up to a survey I agreed to participate in when I was in the hospital. They ask me questions while in the hospital, at 4-6 weeks, and at 6 months. Then they compare the answers to determine changing perceptions.

One question was as follows: How would you rate the level of pain you experienced during your labor and delivery, 1 being the worst possible pain and 5 being no pain at all?

I thought a moment and answered 2.

I have reflected since then. Did I say 1 when I was in the hospital?

I am glad I wrote about the childbirth experience right after it happened, because I guess already I’m forgetting how bad it was. The great cuddly moments with my son are mellowing out the memory of labor. How I love being a mother!

My husband and I watched Bill Cosby’s take on natural childbirth the other day. Here it is, in two parts (each is 5-6 minutes long).

Bill Cosby Natural Childbirth Part 1
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFMVeZyhagI]

Bill Cosby Natural Childbirth Part 2
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_w-AG_yF1Uw]

My comments: I really don’t think yelling at my husband would have helped at all! However, I may have yelled at him had he started into a cheer: “Push him out! Shove him out! Waaaaaaaay out!”

Advice

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I have a lot to learn about being a mother. The first major lesson I’m learning is to not believe everything I’m told.

I own a few early-days-of-being-a-mother parenting books. In the weeks prior to Paul’s birth, I read just about every parenting book in the Glen Waverley library. I talked with friends in my ward here who have been parents for years. I talked to my own mother. During the 48 hours I was in the hospital with my newborn, each midwife (there were at least 12) imparted her medical opinions about caring for my baby.

I really shouldn’t listen to most of it.

Yes, it really has taken me a month to get to this point.

I’ve decided I’ll do whatever works for my baby. I guess it’s good to read and listen to people, but I’m not going to take anyone seriously. My husband says, “Mother knows best.” I’m not sure I do know what is best, but I’m figuring it out one day at a time.

Advice That Didn’t Help

(and there is so much more!)

  • The most important thing to do is feed your baby. If you don’t, he will end up on IVs in a children’s nursery.

This came from a midwife at the hospital 36 hours after Paul’s birth. I was already panicked about trying to figure out breastfeeding and her pressure for me to figure it out before I left the hospital did not help. They actually told me I could not leave the hospital until I got him to attach correctly. With my husband’s encouragement, I told them “Actually, I’m leaving now,” and we packed up and left. One midwife was supportive of that (see Advice That Helped below). Without the awful hospital pressure, I figured it out.

  • Never give a newborn a bottle or a pacifier (also called dummy, soother, binkie). Wait until they are at least a month old (preferably 6-8 weeks old), or they will never breastfeed correctly again.

and

  • If you give a newborn a bottle (even of expressed breast milk), you aren’t breastfeeding properly and it will “mess up” your supply.

I panicked on day 13 of Paul’s life because he wouldn’t nurse. I was very worried he wasn’t getting food (see first bullet point as to why this was a huge worry). My husband bought a pump and I gave him a bottle. My husband also bought two pacifiers. Paul loves the pacifiers, has no problems with the bottle, and hasn’t really had any problem nursing since day 16. He figured it out.

  • Your baby will scream if he’s hungry.

Paul doesn’t scream. He sleeps. Eventually, when I offer him the chance to eat, he’ll realize he’s hungry and get mad and anxious to eat. But he usually doesn’t realize he’s hungry before that point.

  • Newborns that are breastfed don’t need to be burped. They don’t get “wind.”

It took me a week (or more) to realize this isn’t true for Paul. If I burp Paul every five minutes, he spits up half as much.

  • Breastfeed babies don’t spit up very often.

I read this on a website about breastfeeding. They must not have met my son!

  • You’re baby isn’t like an adult. He knows when he’s full and stops eating.

I have no proof of this, but I really think Paul will keep eating forever! He does not refuse to eat, even if he’s been eating for an hour. He’ll spit up every thing he eats after a certain point, but still he usually won’t refuse if I offer. (Sometimes he does fall asleep, though.)

  • Don’t use any kind of cleanser in the baby’s bath. Just use warm water.

I’m not convinced that that would really clean me, let alone my spit-up covered child. I’m not sure why so many people told me this. We avoid soap, of course, but what’s wrong with Johnson’s wash?

Advice That Helped

  • You have common sense, and you have nipples. You’ll be fine!

This was the response from one midwife (a cute Chinese grandma lady) at the hospital that didn’t seem worried that I wanted to skip the joint, despite not having “figured out” breastfeeding by day 2.

“I Can” Versus “I Can’t”

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I’ve never had incredible self confidence. I second guess my abilities to do just about everything. So taking on the new role of mother is very daunting. Heavenly Father trusts me with one of his precious spirit children. Me!

I’m sure I’m not the only new mother a bit overwhelmed.

As I mentioned previously on this webpage, I loved being pregnant! But while I can’t say I loved the giving birth part of the adventure, I did love the incredible spiritual experiences I had during the entire process (in retrospect only; I didn’t love it at all at the time). I’ll share some of it because I feel it has so much to do with how I’ll approach motherhood and everything in my life now.

I’ve been told that the labor for first babies is usually a very long time. I figured once I got to the hospital, I’d get an epidural to deal with the pain. How else do women get through it these days? There’s pain medicine, so take it, I say.

When I first entered the delivery room last Sunday, I asked how long I should expect to be in labor. The midwife suggested that normal progress would be 4 hours for every 2 cm dilation. Since I was only 4 cm at that point, that would leave me with 12 more hours of labor! I just about died. I couldn’t stand the thought of such a long time. Because it seemed there was so much time left, I decided to wait until I seriously couldn’t bear it anymore before asking for the epidural. It would be a long time stuck on my back.

It was only another hour and a half before I asked for it. I couldn’t stand the pain. With each contraction, I told my husband, “I can’t do this!” He calmly reassured me that I could. (He was very good to me the entire time!)

Well, by the time I asked for the epidural, the nurse told me that it was too late–I was fully dilated. I couldn’t have an epidural at that point. It was nearly time to push.

In some respects, it was exciting to know that Paul was so near to be born. It’s very good to have a shorter labor! But I just knew I couldn’t have a baby without numbing all the pain!

“How long?” I asked.

“Within two hours.”

Two more hours! I couldn’t do it. I would die. I firmly decided that if the baby hadn’t been born by 3 p.m, I would succumb to death. But I’d make a valiant effort before I did. I owed that to my husband and this baby that wanted to be born.

The contractions were horrible. But then the most amazing thing happened: in between I was able to breathe and get ready for the next one. During each contraction I would feel so horrible and I’d tell everyone in the room I couldn’t do it. But then I’d get a moment to catch my breath. And I’d realize that the baby was coming.

Whenever I said “I can’t do it!”, my husband would say “You’re doing great” and the midwives would say “You are doing it!”

Well, Paul sure took his time. It was more than 2 hours. 3 p.m. came and he still hadn’t been pushed out. But he was nearly there. I decided not to die. And then, with one long push, there was Paul. He was born. The midwife put him on my belly, and there he was.

I can’t describe my first emotional impression of seeing my son. Here’s the physical description: He was blue and squirmy and tiny. (And yet, he was so huge for having just come from inside of me!) It was an incredible thing to finally hold him.

That night, my husband left the hospital and I was left with our newborn son. He was fussy and wouldn’t go to sleep. I was exhausted and the adrenaline was wearing off. I’d been up most of the night before with contractions and so that hadn’t been very restful sleep. As a new mom, I think I must have felt I would be betraying my new son if I put him to sleep all alone in his bassinet if he wasn’t yet asleep. (I was cured of that pretty quickly!)

As I paced the floor, I thought to myself “Come on! Go to sleep, Paul! I can’t stay awake much longer!” It was a silly thought, but like I said, it had been a long day.

And then it happened: I realized I could never truly say “can’t” again.

I had just been through childbirth without pain medication of any kind. I certainly hadn’t thought I’d be able to do that. And yet, I had done it. Certainly, walking the room with my baby was nothing compared to that! I can handle whatever comes!

I know I will forget and I will doubt myself again. And if I’m labor, I will probably say “I can’t do this!” It’s how life is. We forget. But I have had an experience that solidifies the fact that I can do so much more than I think I can do.

When I am up late, exhausted, with my horribly ill infant, toddler, child, or teenager, I can handle it. When my son hurts himself and is screaming and bleeding, I can handle it. When I am ill myself and my house is full of kids needing care, I can handle it. I may not feel like I can, but I didn’t feel like I could deliver a baby without medicine either. We don’t know what we are able to do until we are called upon to do it.

I thought of this again as I listened to President Eyring’s talk in priesthood session this week. (While I wasn’t invited, of course, the audio is available online so I listened to it when my husband did.) President Eyring said:

What is impossible for you is possible with God’s help in His service. … All of us, whatever our callings may be, face tasks that are beyond our own powers. I do and you do.

I certainly feel that my new call of Mother is beyond my own power. But I know that God sustained me during the birth of my son. And, with His sustaining power in my life, I no longer can say “I can’t” to any “call” or challenge along the way in this journey called Motherhood.

I won’t tell anyone to go through childbirth without drugs. I certainly wanted them! Like I said, we have been blessed with pain medicine, why not use it? In general, however, I think we need to stop telling ourselves “I can’t” if we truly don’t know our ability. Our Heavenly Father knows us better than we know ourselves. We shouldn’t let our perception of how bad things will be (or are) cloud our ability to actually do them. Anything truly is possible with God’s help. We can!

I’m Ready

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I still “enjoy” being pregnant. It is a blessed experience.

But I’m ready for this baby to be born.

I ache when I try to get up and I definitely waddle now. I have a headache by the evening. But that’s not really the reason I’m ready. It’s just time to meet this guy. The bags are packed. The room is ready. I am ready.

I am 39 weeks along sometime this week. I’m noticing that the countdown I have in the corner of the website is off by a day–I think it follows a different time zone, and I’m not sure how to bring it to Australia time. So I don’t like the fact that on my due date (4 October) it will tell me that there is still a day left. Oh well.

My coworkers at the volunteer centre have been taking “bets” on when my baby will come. They all think it will happen this week. They are hoping it starts when I’m volunteering tomorrow so they can be a part of the “exciting events.”

I hope it starts when I’m at home and my husband is too.

My husband hopes it starts after Friday because he’s planning on working from home all next week and it would be easy to turn that into time off. Apparently, this week is kind of busy.

I’ve discovered that there is the Australian Football League final match on Saturday in downtown Melbourne. There are rallys in downtown Melbourne all week, a parade down Swanston Street on Friday, and the event itself (100,000 expected to go it) on Saturday. I wouldn’t care about a sporting event, but my hospital is downtown, just off Swanston Street. I’m afraid my labor will begin just when traffic is at it’s worst this weekend.

I shouldn’t worry, I guess. Today’s midwife told me to expect to go at least a week overdue. It’s standard for first babies to be a week overdue. They won’t consider induction until at least 41 weeks unless something is wrong. She didn’t seem to want to encourage me in thinking that he’s coming anytime soon, although she conceded that he could come any day now. They did the CTG, AFI, and S/D ratio tests again today. All is still fine with the baby, so no worries.

The thought of another two or three weeks of this is very discouraging for some reason. But I really do like having the baby inside: I don’t have to worry about what goes in and out of him right now. What’s a little discomfort when I know he’s not born yet because he’s not ready to be born yet?

All the same, I’m ready.

I Love Being Pregnant

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Tuesday, I had my 36 week appointment. I waited two hours and then I saw a doctor for 5 minutes. Usually, it’s a midwife. But because I’m 36 weeks, I got to see a doctor. (Remember–I’m in the public health system, so that’s how it works.) My fundal height was 2 cm small, which is still in the “normal” category. I’ve been 2 or 3 cm smaller than “normal” all along. All the same, the doctor ordered a CTG, AFI, and S/D just to make sure all was right. He wrote IUGR? on the request form. 😕

I went back to the hospital first thing on Wednesday morning (good thing I went early–I didn’t wait at all).

I didn’t know what those acronyms meant, so I looked them up. CTG is a cardiotocography test to check the baby’s heartbeat. It also measures contractions when the woman is in labor. Good news! I’m not in labor. Other good news: baby’s heartbeat is completely normal. So normal, in fact, that the woman administering the test told me to give the baby a stern talking to so the heart rate might change a little bit.

AFI is the Amniotic Fluid Index. They check it through an ultrasound, looking at the pockets of amniotic fluid they can see. (By the way, since I had an ultrasound they could confirm: it’s definitely a boy!) I measured in at 9. Average is 5-25, so Paul’s got plenty of cushioning. S/D is something to do with the blood pulsing through the cord. I measured at 1.7, a lower percentile, I guess, but fine. Don’t really know what it means beyond that. IUGR means Intrauterine Growth Restriction. I guess the doctor was worried that if I’m not getting “big enough” that means that the baby’s growth is restricted. Since I’m still getting bigger each week, just consistently smaller than “normal,” I think we can rule that out.

It’s interesting that I showed up for these tests and told the technician that I’m 36 weeks and then she commented on how small I am. Isn’t that why I was there in the first place? Anyway, as mentioned, all is well for the baby. 🙂

The interesting thing about my day was the thoughts I had as I traveled on the train to the hospital. I was thinking about these tests and the possibility that something might be wrong. Hypothetically, if I didn’t have enough amniotic fluid or if the baby were in distress, I’d be rushed in to an emergency cesarean. 😮

As I thought that on the train, I realized that those minutes could be my last minutes being pregnant. I could very well have a baby in a few more hours, born just four weeks early (I was 3 1/2 weeks early). That might have been the end of the big swollen belly, the end of kicks in my ribs, the end of my waddle walk. I wouldn’t wake up in the night with baby kicks just as I was getting comfortable. I wouldn’t have to lean over when I sit through 3 hours of church because my back aches. True, I’d have a baby waking me at night and all the aches of major surgery, but I wouldn’t have the baby inside of me.

That made me so sad.

Last night, every time I woke up to a kick, every time I got up to use the toilet because baby was dancing on my bladder, I felt so happy. I get to enjoy him inside of me for a while longer! 😀 How great is that?!

I really love being pregnant. Don’t get me wrong, I am so very excited to meet this little guy when he comes. Maybe I’m just not as uncomfortable as other women because I’m “small.” But, to be honest, I really like all the belly aches and sore muscles and bones. I like the fact that I have a huge belly and I waddle when I walk. It means a baby is inside of me! I like constant movement when I’m just trying to get comfortable. It reminds me time and again that I’m going to be a mother, that God is sending me one of His chosen spirits. This baby has a personality, he has a spirit, and he has a calling in life that only Heavenly Father knows at this time.

It is a huge responsibility to be a mother and to teach this precious spirit. But I’m so excited. And I feel so blessed that I have the blessing of carrying this baby in my own body, feeding him through my body with the food that I eat, and nurturing him naturally in a perfect cocoon just the right size (though quickly becoming too small). What a blessing it is to be a woman and to carry a child!

I am so blessed! And yet I only get four more weeks or so of this. 🙁 I guess I should it expect it to get very much more uncomfortable in the next month. Many people say you’re ready for the baby to come because you’re so uncomfortable. I’m not there yet. I’m still loving it!