My son’s face relaxes as his mouth grabs hold of the pacifier. He begins to suck and his mouth almost smiles. He stops squirming and his eyes close. I feel his body go partially limp in my arms. I know he likes that pacifier!

Then I watch his right hand begin its move toward his face. He likes to have his hand near his face. It’s a comfort to him. But I know what is coming. Sure enough, his long little fingers reach the pacifier and loop through the ring on the end of it.

“Paul, don’t do it!” I warn him. “If you move your hand back then you’ll pull the pacifier out of your mouth.”

His eyes twitch, but his lids remain shut. He continues sucking.

A door slams somewhere and Paul’s body starts. He jerks his right hand away from his face. Sure enough, just as I warned, the pacifier now remains in his right hand, a full three inches from his mouth.

His eyes open wide and he stares at me. His look is part shock and part betrayal. How could you? He seems to say. Then his bottom lip begins to jut out and his whole face begins its contortion. Here comes a cry!

You did it! I want to say. You pulled the pacifier out of your own mouth! You can control that arm; you can control that hand! You can choose to put the pacifier back in your mouth! Just move your hand.

But I know he is still too little to recognize his own power: he has agency and he doesn’t even realize it.

Being a mother is helping me see how Heavenly Father views us. Just as I want to help Paul understand how his tiny choices affect his life, Heavenly Father likewise wants me to understand how my more significant choices affect my life — and my eternal progression. Paul is not yet making any choices of eternal consequence: he is still unaccountable. But as the days and years go by, he will gain the ability to choose between right and wrong. He will learn.

When we lived with God in the premortal world, we understood that we could make choices. Heavenly Father provided an opportunity for each of us to come to the earth. We would choose how we would live. We knew we’d make mistakes. And Heavenly Father promised a Savior, who would pay for our sins, so that we could return to live with Him again.

Heavenly Father’s plan includes these principles of agency (See 2 Nephi 2:26-29).

1. A law. He provides commandments to follow that enable us to return to Him.
2. Knowledge of the law. He gives us these commandments through prophets and scriptures. As we grow on the earth, we learn the commandments.
3. Opposition: good and evil. We sometimes have to choose between good and evil; we have to choose between obeying the commandments and doing other things we might want to do. The Spirit will help us discern which choices are right.
4. Freedom of choice. Heavenly Father will not force us to choose right. We have complete freedom as to whether we will choose right or wrong. We make our own choices!
5. Responsibility for choices. This is the hard part: we can’t choose the consequence of our choices. If we choose right, we will be blessed. If we choose wrong, we are cut off from our Heavenly Father, unless we rely on Christ’s atonement, which is another choice. Thus, in Heavenly Father’s plan, some people will not return to Heavenly Father again.

In that premortal realm, we know that Satan wanted the glory as the Savior (See Moses 4:1-4 and Abraham 3:24-28). He wanted to save everyone, by making them choose right all the time. He wanted to eliminate principle — the freedom to choose. It sounds like a nice idea: we’d all be saved. There is pain in choosing wrong and some people won’t make it back. Wouldn’t it be great if all made it back?

In watching my son, I realize what a tragedy it would be if he couldn’t learn to control his own body. What if I forced him to move in a set way? He wouldn’t be able to move his arm toward his mouth if the result would be the pacifier coming out: he’d be forced to stay in one position. He would not be able to jolt in surprise when a door slammed. He’d sleep between set hours every day so he wouldn’t be uncomfortably tired ever. He would never choose again.

What a tragedy that would be! What would be the point of his existence? In watching him, I see how important it is that we are able to choose what we do. His choices are small and insignificant now, but as he grows, they will increase in significance. Yes, he will make wrong choices. But he will choose!

There is a reason we experience negative consequences: it is how we learn. It may be hard to anticipate negative consequences for our own choices. But looking on, I can anticipate my infant son’s dismay when he removes his own pacifier. He will be sad, and he is. I know that as he grows, his life will be full of such moments, most of them of much more significance. It will be sad to see wrong consequences. But he will eventually learn how to control his arms and hands. I know that as he gains control and accountability, he will begin to recognize how his actions are related to the consequences, and he’ll learn to make different actions.

Because we did accept Heavenly Father’s plan, we have the freedom to choose. I look on and anticipate the consequences of Paul’s choices, and Heavenly Father likewise looks on and anticipates the consequences of our choices. Heavenly Father has provided guidance for us so we can avoid the painful mistakes. By listening to the Spirit, by obeying to the prophet, and by reading the scriptures, we should recognize what the consequences of our choices are and what right is.

As I listen to my son’s crying, I recognize what a great blessing this gift of agency is! He can choose and therefore he can learn. We all can.

Lesson 2 of 45