If you’d have asked me in mid-July how I felt about being pregnant (finally), I wouldn’t have sounded very positive. Yes, I’ve been hoping to be pregnant for quite some time, and I was devastated by the miscarriage I had. But still, in July and August, I was pretty miserable being pregnant. I did not have a lot to say in regards to joy. I was sick multiple times a day. I was exhausted. I was constantly worried about another miscarriage, and I couldn’t tell anyone I was pregnant yet because I didn’t want to have to backtrack if I did miscarry.

Fast forward. Today I’m one day away from 19 weeks, and I’m not so worried about miscarriage. I find out if Monkey is a boy or a girl in just two more days. I feel the baby move at various times of the day and I no longer wonder if it is just indigestion. (I felt the first movement at 13 weeks, 6 days, and Ryan and others suggested I was just imagining it….now I”m pretty sure that was Monkey all along.) I’m still very small and wearing regular clothes. This made me very nervous for a few weeks there since people have been saying I”m “too small” and otherwise acting surprised at my pregnancy news. I kept worrying if Monkey really was okay. But, given the regular movement I’ve been feeling for the last week or two, I’m no longer in any doubt. Baby is okay. I get reassurance every time there is a poke inside of me.

I have been feeling so good that I find myself saying to Ryan daily “Oh, I feel so sorry for you that you can’t feel this! It’s so amazing! I’m so glad I’m a woman so I can be pregnant. You are missing out.”

Ryan’s response? “Doesn’t it kind of gross you out that there is a parasite growing inside of you?”

Sigh.

I’m just so glad I’m feeling so well, that I have those reassurances that everything will be alright. I know by the end, my hugeness will once again make me not feel so great, but for now, I’m lovin’ it.