I’ve been thinking a lot about the talk by Sister Beck in conference about motherhood. Here’s the part I’ve been dwelling on the last few days:
Another word for nurturing is homemaking. Homemaking includes cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home. Home is where women have the most power and influence; therefore, Latter-day Saint women should be the best homemakers in the world. … Nurturing mothers are knowledgeable, but all the education women attain will avail them nothing if they do not have the skill to make a home that creates a climate for spiritual growth. Growth happens best in a “house of order,” and women should pattern their homes after the Lord’s house (see D&C 109). Nurturing requires organization, patience, love, and work.
To nurture, I need to cook, wash clothes and dishes, and keep an orderly home.
Firstly, cooking. As I mentioned yesterday, I’ve recently discovered I love to cook! Cooking no longer feels like a chore, but a delight. I can see how cooking a meal for my family is nurturing them.
Next, washing clothes and dishes. I don’t mind doing laundry and dishes. Once the clothes are clean, then the hampers are empty, and that feels satisfying. I get to do twice as much laundry now with an infant. I really don’t mind doing it. True, I dyed a few of Pauls’ white onesies pink the first week of his life, but since then, there have been no “disasters” and we’ve been clothed well.
As for dishes, one of my first jobs at BYU was a dishwasher in the CougarEat kitchens. It was relaxing. My husband does dishes each night after dinner now anyway because Paul is usually hungry at just the right moment…but really, I don’t mind dishes at all.
Finally, keeping an orderly home. I take this to mean cleaning and not just keeping things organized. I can put things away and avoid piles of “stuff” and wipe down kitchen counters. I can follow a grocery budget and keep my pantry stocked and in order. But my problem right now is cleaning. I find sweeping, mopping, cleaning toilets, scrubbing down showers, vacuuming, and dusting absolutely tedious. Mom suggested I like cooking because it’s a symbol of my love. For some reason, I just can’t think of cleaning in the same way. It just feels tedious.
My dislike of cleaning is not a new problem. As a kid, when Mom gave me my chores on Saturday mornings, I’d sing “It’s a Hard-Knock Life” and grumble about how unfair it was to have to clean. As an adult, my philosophy has always been: if I can see the dust, it’s too late. But after Paul was born, I went a month without touching a broom. As I mentioned before, that was much too long.
The problem is that we have a two-story, three-bedroom, two-and-a-half bath town home with hardwood floors the size of Kentucky. And as I got around to mopping the other day, I saw little ants and a spider’s cobweb.
As Sister Beck said, I need the “skill to make a home that creates a climate for spiritual growth.” Dust and ants hinder that spiritual growth. How can I delight in cleaning as nurturing rather than as a chore? How can I develop the same sense of satisfaction with cleaning that I recently have found with cooking?
Don’t forget that you also facilitate what *happens* in your home that either encourages or hinders growth–for example, the music that is playing, the pictures on the walls, the amount of light, the kind words you speak, etc. I think growth could happen with ants on the floor as long as they don’t get in the way of teaching gospel principles and of sharing loving moments. Not that I want ants…but I certainly don’t think a trivial amount of dust can keep us from growing and learning and loving together! Give yourself a break!
Tonight after dinner instead of sweeping up the dinner shrapnel from under the high chair, we played with our little girl, did home teaching and relief society visits, and read stories together before bedtime. We weren’t hindered at all by a few dishes in the sink, a small layer of dust on the horizontal surfaces, and the cheerios under the highchair.
I know you are right, Jenny–those things are what really matter. You are are Mother who Knows. (A Mother Who Knows *does less*…) I guess I just am wondering how to change my mind set in general: when Baby is sleeping and I do have time, how do I think of cleaning as one of those nurturing things? In other words, doing the chore rather than groaning and putting it off until the mess is really bad. Maybe there is no answer. But I didn’t think I’d ever like cooking either, so maybe it’s possible.
Doesn’t it feel satisfying to sit down and read a book and be able to glance into the kitchen and see that it is clean? I find that if I take 10 minutes here and there to load/unload dishes, sweep, or fold one load of laundry at a time, it is more rewarding that it’s already done so that I can enjoy the down time. And I try to do it really fast! Then the misery only lasts a few moments, and yes, it is a hard knock life.
I’ve only figured out the dishes and sweeping, the laundry I still despise…maybe someday. And clutter is my nemesis.
Good luck figuring it out.
Now that I work full time, I WISH I had more time for cleaning. It is a way of making the world around you peaceful and beautiful. But I’m glad you can find balance. We just had a great weekend. We cleaned up the Christmas putting-up mess, did laundry and a bit of cleaning, and then spent a lot of time having dinner with friends–three different nights out. We also did our Church responsibilities–including writing the narrative for next week’s fireside music program, taking care of the choir music, and entertaining visiting teachers. Life is full and rich and attitude is everything. Singing “Hard Knock Life” was a way of adding music and a game to an otherwise boring chore.
My mother taught me to enjoy the warm water washing dishes–and you can be a hero if you wash at parties and such. Must go teach! Mom