Category Archives: People

Paul’s Fourth Birthday

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Paul has been playing “birthday” with imaginary friends for months. He will stir up a bunch of toys in a bowl with a spoon to make a “cake,” then he’ll spread out a blanket, wrap a toy in another blanket (to be the present), and then invite me to celebrate with him. His imaginary friends regularly turned two or maybe 10, and I have had dozens of birthdays since my last special day in January.

So needless to say, I was rather excited to help him celebrate his real special day. Although we don’t plan on having a friends birthday party every year, this was definitely a year to plan something fun.

I was told that a theme is not necessary, but I chose one anyway. Paul loves the concept of Super Why!, who is a superhero for preschoolers because he can read. Besides, Paul has learned how to read, so playing on the theme of reading, alphabet, and phonics was just what he liked. My games were rather loosely based on the show — but it didn’t really matter, because Paul went around for days telling everyone he was Super Paul because he knew how to read. That was the idea in my mind.

A few fun things about planning a party with a kid who is really excited: As I began making lists, he was jumping around the room.

“Can we play Duck Duck Goose?! Don’t forget we need decorations! I need a party hat!”

(He insisted on the party hat. He wore it for about 10 seconds and then told me he didn’t want a party hat. Sigh.)

Below, I have a video that has collected still shots from the birthday party, plus us singing to him as well as still shots from the rest of the birthday party. If you’d rather, you can browse the Flickr collection of photos here.

It’s a….

Baby Girl!

Paul has accepted that the baby will not be a monkey. A few times in the past week, he has said he hopes for a sister. Yesterday, he said he hopes for a brother. But a sister it is!

Baby is 100% normal in the measurements and has plenty of space to move around. I was about 19 weeks when I had the ultrasound yesterday and baby was even a few days larger than 19 weeks. So, despite the fact that I’m still wearing normal clothes and everyone (and I mean everyone) thinks I’m very small for being that far along in pregnancy, no worries — baby is perfect.

(The nurse that took my blood pressure even thought I was 9 weeks pregnant. I said, “no, 19 weeks.” She was shocked.)

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Paul took this picture of me last week (at 18 weeks.)

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Open mouth. She’s screaming or singing.

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Our baby girl with stars in her eyes.

A Visit from Grandma Peggy and Papa Paul!

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At little Paul’s preschool

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On the train

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At the train restaurant

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At the car museum

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At the car museum

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At the car museum with Lightening McQueen!

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At the car museum and Doc Hudson!

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Being silly at the car museum

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Being silly at the car museum

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Gasp! Don’t drive yet! You’re not 16 yet!

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An early birthday cupcake to celebrate four years.

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Yummy!

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See all the pictures from Grandma and Papa’s visit here on flickr!

Unwrapping Your Children

Well, about these girls. They came as they were, unique, wonderful spirits and my blessing was to just unwrap the package to see who they were and to help guide them into who they could be.  I didn’t ever feel like I had to mold them or make them into somebody different than who they were because they were so great when they came. It was a fun discovery to learn who they were. They are different, different people, but they are delightful fun daughters and I always enjoyed our children.

Julie B. Beck on her two daughters

I want to say that about my own children. I never want my son to think I don’t appreciate his own personality. I don’t want him to think that I expect him to be something he is not. That would be a painful thing, to feel like a disappointment. I don’t want my son to feel he disappoints me for being himself.

This means I need to never talk about his faults, or things I disapprove of, in front other people. I need to avoid criticism when he does things differently than I would do them. I need to make sure I don’t manipulate him into doing something I want, when his personality would do something differently. I need to always remember that he came to me a precious spirit, with his own personality. He will make choices different from those that I’d make, but that’s a part of his precious personality.

As his mother, I can help guide him into who he can be. I can help him discover his potential.

I don’t need to mold him: I need to unwrap him.

To listen to the entire conversation between Sheri Dew and Julie B. Beck and her two daughters, visit Mormon Channel.

The Perfect Age

As we were driving to church the other day, I was struck by how perfect Paul’s age is right now. Although he sometimes has tantrums and he’s certainly opinionated, overall, it’s so delightful being his mother and seeing his blossoming into a human being, and not just a baby. I need to do a better job of recording the adorable and perfect age things Paul says and does. I am going to miss this age so very much!

Imagination

If he wants something, he simply creates it. He’s had a hard time grasping the concept of Christmas being a very long time from now. So instead he creates his own: “Did you know that tomorrow it is Christmas underground?” (His imaginary friends live underground.)

If I can’t play with him, suddenly the imaginary doorbell rings and there is an imaginary friend to play with him. And then there is the fact that he can create anything, you name it.

Games

Paul is in a serious board game streak right now. He loves them. He loves following rules and he loves making up rules. His turn usually takes him about five minutes, so I read a book waiting for my turn. Seriously. But he’s learning about taking turns, about winning and losing, and about counting and money (Monopoly). He loves to play games.

And the greatest thing is that he loves to make up games all the time. “Let’s race!” he says when it’s time to get dressed. “Let’s find shapes!” he said as we were driving to church. And when he said he saw “funny ovals” I was at a loss as to what he was talking about. “I see a lot of them!” he clarified. Cars, it turns out, are funny ovals.

Stories

Along with his great imagination comes his impressive ability to tell stories. I am reminded of my creative story writing when I was six and seven years old. Somehow, I lost that urge to write, to record creative inventions that I imagined in my mind. I hope I can nurture Paul’s story telling abilities so he doesn’t lose it. I’ll be so sad when he grows up too much for stories. I hope that never happens.

Learning

The other day, he brought me the guide book I had about NYC and said, “Mommy, this is about New York!” and I was amazed that not only could he read and understand it, but that he knows New York City is a place, that’s it’s far from here, that I went there. And I know most three year olds don’t read yet, but even without the reading, I love watching his discovery of new things. We’re learning about the moon and about outerspace this week and I love watching his fascination as we read a picture book.

Honesty and Sincerity

Sometimes I don’t appreciate his honesty. (“Yuck! I do not like this soup!”) But other times I find it so sweet.

“I love you,” I say.

“I already know that!” says Paul.

Lucky Bookish Treasures

When Grandma passed away, my mom gave each of her children a special something from Grandma. My item was a book published in 1852, the fourth edition of Young Ladies’ Oasis. This book is a collection of poetry, essays, and stories “appropriate” for young ladies.

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Today, I wanted to browse through it, and what did I find but what I’ve been looking for all my life: A lucky 4-leaf clover.

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Years ago, Mom told me a story. When she was a young girl, her Aunt Florence was sitting in their backyard when she said, “oh, I’ve found a four-leaf clover!” She was sitting in a patch of them. I have been looking for my own four-leaf clover since I first heard that story.

Apparently, Gram (Josie Lecta Dedman Wilson) took one of the clovers home and pressed it in this book of hers, which we assume she received from her mother (Dora May Allison Dedman).

I love how the clover has left a mark on the page. A shadow of that lucky day.

The clover is pressed between pages 192 and 193, in the midst of an essay called “Pretty Women.” It ponders pretty women throughout “history” (Rachel in the Bible, Helen of Troy, Cleopatra) and wonders why women today (1850s) aren’t using their good looks to their best advantage.

Every lady is at liberty to bring out her own ” good points” as she thinks best, and it is easy to do so, as well as to conceal her weak ones, without departing from the fashions that prevail.

One of the two of these ancestors of mine (probably not my grandma, Helen Wilson Benac, given the ageing), also left a few other treasures.

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This looks to me to have been embroidered with hair. But maybe I’m just wishing. It’s probably thread. I’ve always thought the embroidered-with-hair thing to be very cool, but my husband says that it is disgusting. Are you in the disgusting camp or the cool camp?

And then, someone enjoyed an autumn afternoon while reading Young Ladies’ Oasis. I love the dark spots on this leaf. I haven’t read this essay yet.

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Young Ladies’ Oasis is, of course, available online by now. Are you going to read it? I am. Not in the fourth edition, though. I’m going to read the ebook. The ten minutes I spent with it today have done far more damage to this family heirloom than I’d like to admit.

 

Paul’s Friends

I think it’s about time to introduce the rest of the family.

Paul has a mommy named Rebecca and a daddy named Ryan. Also in our family is Goldbug, and Pootie and Frosty and Frosty Goo (who is sometimes just called Goo).

Goldbug has a pink shirt and white pants, and white socks. He is a little bit short.

Pootie is a boy. He has yellow pants and a blue shirt. He is short.

Frosty and Frosty Goo have blue pants and white underwear pants. They both have pink shirts and gray socks. They are not snowmen, even though that’s what they were named after.

Sometimes they change their clothes, so tomorrow it may be different.

Paul also has a lot of other friends that visit every day. Pinoochio; Huckle, Lowly, Pig Will and Pig Won’t, and Hilda Hippo (from Richard Scarry); and ABCD; and “no more” (he says right now).

Most days, Paul will ask about random letters. “What does QXRG spell?” and I’ll try to pronounce it. He’ll repeat it and say “that’s my imaginary friend! He’s coming to play today!”

He also pretends real peopel are imaginary all day long. A pretend Brother B– from church, for example, or a pretend mail carrier who comes with Christmas presents (already, yes).

As we talk right now, he says, “No more imaginary friends!” but I know there will be more tomorrow. It’s just how it is today.

Goldbug and Pootie are here to stay though. They are his brothers. They live in a house above ours, but it is in Florida. They share a car with Frosty and Frosty Goo, which has  three toilets in it. In short, they are pretty cool friends to have. He loves to bring them along every where. When we’re going for a long drive, he often talks about how he wishes we had a toilet in our car too, either because he needs to go or because he really didn’t want me making him use the toilet before he left.

One week when Goldbug was new to our family (last September?), Paul begged to bring him to church with him. I said, “as long as he is reverent.” When Paul started squirming during the meeting, I said, “Paul, show Goldbug how to sit reverently,” and Paul sat right up. It’s very convenient.

Here is a video of a few conversations I had with Paul about his imaginary friends. He mostly wanted to tell stories about his friends, but he does introduce them a little bit too. It is quite funny, if you ask me. The video was taken April 10, 2011. We both have colds then, and somehow we already both have colds today too.

 

2011 Goal Number 2: Do Family History Work

I was walking the dirty and crowded back streets of Greater Manchester, England, in the summer of 1885, searching for them. Then I remembered their address, and asked a passerby for directions. I was a strange sight in my modern day clothes, but I hadn’t had time to prepare for my journey: I didn’t know I would be time traveling, after all.

As I approached the small cellar, I saw two men approaching, and I knew it was James (senior) and his brother Martin. James was a bit wary of me, but when I’d explained that I was his descendant, come to visit from 2011, he was willing to answer my questions. I asked him question after question, and I’m sorry to say that I cannot at this time remember what I asked, let alone the answers he gave me! Just one question I remember: why hadn’t he gone yet to New York looking for Margaret? She was his wife, after all!

As I tried to find my way out of the time warp, Margaret Ann and her father were starting to pack their bags. They said it would take a few weeks to get enough cash together, but they were ready to go to New York and find Margaret. They realized they’d waited too long.

The streets got darker as I stumbled along in the maze, and suddenly I was awake, Paul asking me for help with something this worldly.

It was just a dream. Upon waking, I knew immediately that I’d had some of the details wrong. James and his children did not live in the cellar at Back Acton Street: that was the address of Thomas Simmons and his family during the 1851 and 1861 censuses. What was his address in 1881? I should look it up for the next time.

Remember how I claimed that this year I’d make New Year’s Resolutions after I’ve accomplished something? I’ve been meaning to tell you about my resolution number 2, but every time I sit down to write about it, I get distracted on Ancestry.com or some other site. Tonight I’m determined to get it down for your sakes.

Saturday, January 1, 2011, my Grandma, Helen Ruth Wilson Benac, peacefully passed away. I shared some thoughts in January on my reading blog about the power of reading her personal history.

What I didn’t mention on that blog was that on Sunday, the day after her passing, I began to feel like I was supposed to be doing family history work. “I don’t know how to do that!”I told myself, shrugging it off.

I had tried for a few weeks when Paul was newborn, and I never seemed to have enough time to get into the groove before he’d need my attention again. In Australia, I had nearby access to a family history center, but I still didn’t make much progress. I had heard about James Simon and his wife Margaret’s mysterious disappearance, and I was fascinated by it. But I decided that there was a season for everything, and family history work was for those who had more time than I did.

This January, after Grandma’s passing, the urge to revisit James and Margaret’s story persisted for weeks. I kept thinking about Grandma, and I kept thinking about Margaret’s story. Finally, in the middle of January, on a Tuesday morning after I left my son at preschool, I stopped by the local family history center and said, “What do I do first?”

The librarian showed me how to correct errors on New Family Search, how to add information I’ve found, and how to start discussions. I left the Family History library praying that somehow I’d find Margaret’s mother, because I was certain the two of them wanted to be found. After just one hour of studying Margaret’s name and her mother’s blank line, I felt a spiritual bond with them.

I called my mom to say how excited I was about the progress, and a few days later, my brother Frank sent me an email saying he was working on these same people and maybe we should collaborate. Suddenly, there are three of us working on finding this family extensively.

It has been delightful, time consuming, exhausting, frustrating, exciting, boring, and over everything else successful.

Thanks to our combined research (and some funding from Mom and an ancestry subscription from Frank!) we’ve discovered Margaret Shield’s mother: Ann Dunlope. (See Margaret’s birth certificate). We’ve found so many more than just Ann, because we didn’t know much about these people. We have more than 20 new names to take to the temple for baptisms or marriages. Just a quick rundown: Margaret’s father is Patrick and she has two younger brothers (and a sister we knew about). James comes from a family of not three children but ten, and we have names for at least five of them, plus his parents (although their work is almost done!). We know when James and his family came to England from Ireland, and we may have found that James was actually born in England after their arrival. We’ve found that Margaret may have been married before she married James, that what we thought was the oldest child may have been from another marriage, and that our ancestor Margaret Ann (who was born to Margaret and James) was born a year before the two of them were married. In fact, Margaret may have been a bigamist, a thought that makes me, a reader of Victorian literature, rather excited to discover just what really happens at the end of this real-life family novel.

Each answer we get from the English records only opens up another set of questions.

Although my mind has been mainly full of Margaret Sheilds and James Simon and their children and their siblings, as I’ve thought of my open-ended goal to “do family history work” this year, I keep thinking of Ann Dunlop. To me, she is the image of success, for we have found Margaret’s mother. That is what Margaret wanted me to find back in January. As I left the family history center that first day, I felt Margaret’s presence along with her unknown mother’s as they asked me to find her so they could be sealed together.

Date for that sealing to be determined. I keep hoping that we’ll find a few more names this week.

I am the daughter of Ellen Margaret Benac, who is the daughter of Helen Ruth Wilson, who is the daughter of John Wilson, who is the son of Margaret Ann Simon (and Charles Edwin Wilson), who is the daughter of Margaret Shields (and James Simon) who is the daughter of Ann Dunlop and Patrick Shields.

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If you are a part of the family, log in to the New Family Search and you’ll see it for yourself. If any of you, especially those related to James and Margaret, want to be in on our email discussions, please let me know in the comments and I can send you our emails. Sometimes I send five in an evening, just so you know.