Category Archives: Deep Thoughts

Two Years

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Two years ago, I awoke at 3 a.m. with the realization that my three-day overdue baby was finally going to come. At 3:13 p.m., he arrived, 3116 grams and squirmy and blue, eyes open, trying to see the world.

His eyes are still open as he tries to understand everything about the world around him. And now he squirms out of my arms to run play. “Play!” is his first word every morning when I go in to greet him.

Has it really been two years? I love that little boy, even though sometimes I’m impatient. I love the precious moments I get to spend with him as a stay-at-home mom.

I’ve thought a lot lately about the day he was born and the early days of his life. I was so overwhelmed with the sense of responsibility: this is a child of God! God entrusted him to me! And yet, my birth experience taught me that I can be a mother, that I am what he needs on earth.

As I think about this blog, I realized it is the posts on motherhood that I enjoy the most.

I am so grateful to be a mother!

Spiritual Feasting

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I have the best husband in the world because he watched Paul tonight while I went to the general Relief Society dinner and meeting (it took six hours)!

“You know you could watch it at home,” he said as I got ready. I eyed the wide-screen TV and the leather couch. But I had decided to go last week, and since I was picking up a friend and our visiting teaching sisters, I had no choice at that point but to go.

Just after 4, I slipped out. I picked up three friends on the way, and by 5:20 we were at the Stake Center. The long drive went quickly because I was with my ward sisters, sisters that I hadn’t known very well. It was fun to get to know them.

The Mexican Fiesta dinner was lots of fun with the entire stake. I even saw a sister from the ward I was in when I was first married. She was shocked to learn that my baby is almost two years old.

Although I don’t like big social gatherings, this was just my type of gathering because I sat by a few sisters during dinner and had real conversations. (“Real” meaning they were about things other than airplanes and choo choo trains.) I practiced my Spanish (5 years rusty) with a sister in my ward that I’d never spoken to before.

At quarter to seven, we headed to the chapel to watch the broadcast together. There were more people than they anticipated: every bench was packed with sisters. The stake presidency hurried to set up chairs in the Relief Society room too to give more seating space. Our bench remained packed. I felt like a sardine. We joked as we kept bumping each other, trying to get comfortable.

But then the Stake President stood at the podium and mentioned a few spiritual thoughts as the image of the meeting in the Conference Center came in to focus behind him. Suddenly realized that I was about to hear the prophet! Or would it be President Eyring, whom I love? Or maybe President Uchtdorf who just puts things into such clear terms? I didn’t care, but I was suddenly eager to hear it all.

The music started and the meeting began. It felt so good. Sister Beck talked about the importance of visiting teaching, how it’s “more than just a visit,” and I thought of the sister at my side. It’s true, I thought: visiting teaching is a job that is never “done.” While we may not ever be best friends, there’s something to be said for (1) a one-hour-each-way drive to the stake center and (2) sitting like sardines in a chapel listening to our leaders. We were becoming closer. It was something good.

Later, Sister Thompson talked about focusing on not just knowing but truly accepting that I am a daughter of God. Accepting that makes all the difference, she said, her voice breaking. What a testimony that is, coming from a sister whose dreams didn’t turn out as she wanted them. Will any of ours? Will it matter if they don’t?

And then we sang. As we stood, shoulder to shoulder in crowded rows of sisterhood, our voices in the chapel joined together in a testimony to God:

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I will not desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no, never, no, never forsake,
I’ll never, no, never, no, never forsake.

Is there a reason we are to gather together as Relief Society sisters for such a meeting?

Tonight was a testimony to me that there is always a reason. Not only “Charity never faileth” but sisterhood strengthens faith.

I am so grateful I took six hours today to go to the Stake Center and be spiritually feed by the spirit with my Relief Society sisters at my side!

Where did you watch the Relief Society broadcast? Who was at your side?

Religious Education

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I still haven’t received any of the digital family pictures from my brother’s wedding, nor the two actually in-focus digital pictures from my in-laws from our time in Utah, so I don’t have any pictures to share with you.

But I have a cute story for you!

Starting in early July, I began reading Paul The Book of Mormon as we ate breakfast. We read about five verses a day. My brother and his wife were my inspiration, since I know they started reading The Book of Mormon to Daniel when he was quite young.

Now it is September, and we are still in 1 Nephi. Ah well. The most important thing is that Paul loves it.

If don’t get the book down, he points at it and calls out “Book! Book!” I get it down and we sing “Book of Mormon Stories” together (and lately “Nephi’s Courage,” as well, since Nephi is building a boat and all). Then I read a few verses while Paul finishes up his oatmeal.

Some days, especially at the beginning, he’d talk over me. Now he listens.

This week, we entered a new stage. We were eating lunch together (not breakfast, lunch) and he pointed to the bookshelf. “Book! Book!” and he started trying to sing “Book of Mormon Stories.” I read him five verses, and he called out “More! More!” So I finished the chapter.Today at breakfast, he also kept saying “More! More!” Five verses is no longer enough.

He’s young. My guess is he isn’t “learning” anything, other than that we love The Book of Mormon. And isn’t that way we do this?

I got a catalog in the mail from the church today. I noticed something: The Gospel Principles book is to be the Priesthood/Relief Society manual for the next two years. What a wonderful way to remind us that Sunday church meetings really is about being reminded of the basics!

I was excited, until I realized that, by being in Primary, I’ll never get those lessons. Ah, well.

Easing into Fall and Saying Goodbye to A Slow Summer

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Now that I’ve finally finished scrubbing out the refrigerator, I can come back and tell you how much I love fall.

This summer was great, don’t get me wrong. I felt we were busier than normal, even without a change from school to no school. This year’s summer weather was wonderfully mild, and Paul didn’t fuss on the days when I said, “Sorry, but it’s just too hot today. We’re staying inside.” (I have a feeling that won’t work so well next year.)

But now the weather is back to a reasonable average, and I just love to sit in the (pleasantly cool) sun and watch the leaves fall from the trees.

Today, the weather is staying in low 80s and the coming week has a perfect partially sunny forecast of 70s and upper 60s. It’s cool enough to walk to the library without dying of misery and perspiration. It’s cool enough to play in the back yard for extended periods of time. It’s cool enough to sit on our deck and eat dinner.

I love my yard. The landscaping keeps the neighbors in their own yard, so even when they had a party and football game the other night, our yard was still blessedly private and quiet. We had our own dinner outside too. I love privacy: good fences truly do make good neighbors (and we don’t even have fences; just perfect yards!!).

In the fall, I go to the library and it’s not overrun with noisy, cranky kids. In the fall, I go to the park and there aren’t any big kids sharing sand with Paul (I hate sand). In the fall, I can call up my friends and schedule play dates again, since the big kids are back in school.

In retrospect, I realize now how much I didn’t finish over those crazy weeks called “summer.” Why did they feel so crazy? It seemed all the people we met with were on “hyper” mode, trying to fit things in to the short time.

We didn’t do any fun “activities,” per se, and our budget kept us close to home (until we finally made it to Utah in September!!). But Paul and I both had a great summer all the same. Paul played with his cousins a few times, we visited Grandma and Grandpa in Naperville a few times, and we did little things together, just the two of us.

I’m realized I’m just not an activity girl. I’d rather sit and chat with people than “do” something “exciting.”

As I ponder the fact that I’m a sitter and not a “do-er,” I realize that my son may miss out on some things. He’s not going to have memories of busy childhood summers. Ever. I know I’m not going to drag him around all over the place next year either. We’ll do the special things that he loves: playing on the swing set, going to the library, going to the petting zoo and park, playing with friends, going on picnics. Maybe next year we’ll find some new favorite thing to do together. But I’m not a “crazy summer activities” Mom and I never will be. I like to keep life simple.

Paul is the happiest, least cranky kid I know, and I sincerely believe that a regular nap and bedtime schedule helps him to be so. In order for him to get his sleep, we sometimes have to say “no thanks” to some of those “crazy” activities in order to be home by sleep time. And you know what? I really like it that way.

As he gets closer to age two, Paul is becoming more independent. He resists obeying, and he’s begun to have screaming fits when I misunderstand what he says or when I decline his requests. The next few months of autumn will be interesting as I adjust to this new personality he’s developing. And yet, he’s still, overall, an incredibly happy, well-adjusted boy.

I suspect he’ll turn out just fine, our non-exciting summer be darned.

Projects Progress and Thoughts on Cleaning Every Week

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In addition to the regular cleaning, in the past two weeks, I’ve made a conscious effort to get some projects done. The highlight was certainly the new water softener, which Ryan put in. It only took 3 extra trips to Home Depot for a plumbing wrench, a new pipe, and a different new pipe.

  • Spray weeds: front, side and back of house
  • Fungicide at trees bases
  • Pull backyard weeds
  • Trim rosebush
  • Replace misc. light bulbs, inside and out
  • Put up shampoo and conditioner dispensers
  • Buy faux plant for dining room shelf
  • Scrub garage door where paint ball hit it (it didn’t clean completely, so we may need to paint it)
  • Purchase and install new water softener (FINALLY!)
  • Order new jeans with my Lands End gift card from Discover

I look at this list and it doesn’t sound like much, especially since Ryan did the dispensers and the water softener. But last week I also went down to Naperville twice, so that took up two days. I’m eager to keep doing projects in the coming weeks.

Further,  this was my fourth week of cleaning the entire house by Thursday night (defined as bathrooms, vacuuming, dusting, sweeping/mopping, cleaning kitchen counters and microwave, etc.). My score card is 4 success/0 fail/52 weeks, although I probably missed something small each week (like I missed the microwave one or two weeks and I didn’t dust one week). My goal is to clean the house every week for 52 weeks.

I’m realizing how great it is to clean every week: I go to clean the toilet in the powder room and think “It’s not even dirty” and what a wonderful thing! It’s never dirty. It doesn’t take long to wipe down an almost-clean toilet. It’s not even a “gross” chore. I go to clean the microwave and it’s mostly clean. I’m pretty big on keeping the microwave clean after I use it anyway, but I think making the special point of cleaning each week means that, like the toilet, I’ll never have to see it bad.

I’m also realizing that cleaning every week is really a superficial thing. Because everything is superficially clean (i.e., the toilets as I mentioned above), I can see the scuffs on the walls and the scratched paint on the door. I see the dirt in the corner behind the door. Cleaning every week is motivation to do deeper cleaning projects on my whole house. I’m going to recaulk the hall bathtub (if I can figure out how) and I’m going to paint the trim on the kitchen window. I only see it because I’m cleaning the rest of the room every single week.

I admit I have been getting lazy, or maybe just efficient. While I spent about six hours the first week, I only spent three hours today. I need to go deeper and get the tubs cleaner (I hate the glass doors on the shower and tub; so hard to clean!). Now that I have soft water again, it may be easier. Where is the lime-a-way?

Am I OCD? Absolutely not. I’m just trying to get in a habit for cleanliness. I figure a year of this, every week, will make it easier. Habits are hard to build and easy to break. Trust me when I say it does not come naturally for me. I’m inclined to ignore the bathrooms until they look icky, as I had been doing.

It’s been said that people get messier and dirtier as they age, and I want to start out as clean as I can be. That’s why I have this silly goal for now when I still feel young.

What are your techniques for not being lazy about cleaning and house projects? I’m up for ideas for making cleaning a great habit.

Loving My Baby

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I was very impatient with Paul this morning. He had energy to do everything. Since he hadn’t taken a nap yesterday, I was afraid today would be another never-ending day. I was exhausted already.

“Go! Go!” he shouted, excitedly, as we went from one activity and errand to the next.

I felt snappy. I felt impatient. I was a mean mommy, I’m afraid.

Then, blissfully, after lunch Paul took at three-hour nap, longer than normal. He awoke just as energetic, but I was different.

From the moment I got him up out of his crib, I felt I was holding a precious bundle of warm blessings. He was cuddly, and for a few moments, we rocked together in the rocking chair. He was my baby, not so little any more but just as soft and innocent as a newborn.

As he ran out of my arms and toward his toys, I felt I was letting go of my precious little baby. He’s a toddler, and becoming more of a little-boy every single day. Of course he’s energetic: everything he does is new. It is exciting. It is special. And I’m so glad that cuddling with Mommy post-nap was one of those special things.

As I came in here to type down some thoughts and to try – just try – to capture the precious mother moment when I held my no-longer-a-baby little boy in my arms, I heard him calling “Mamma! Mamma!” I returned to his side, and he proudly showed me how he made his blanket into a train track for his engine. Yes, he loves me. He wants to share his little discoveries with me.

I treasure the precious mother moments that Heavenly Father gives me, those moments when God reminds me that Paul is a son of a Heavenly King. These are the moments when I feel so blessed that his precious spirit was sent to me and my husband. Our family. Our eternal family.

Paul’s not going to a baby forever. Oh, how I don’t want him to grow away from me!

Projects Progress: August 6

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I got the chores done yesterday and today, and I’ve gotten a few projects started this week.

Weeding. Should be regular maintenance. I had not touched a weed since June. Seriously. I spent hours pulling 4-foot high weeds from the South side of the house. Then I sprayed the tiny ones and killed the ants. It would be so much easier if I got them when they’re small! I still hate yard work, but it’s refreshing to be outside. Paul sat in the dirt and dug. He took a bath afterwards.

Pictures. Started. I bought some inexpensive frames and I began planning the family pictures wall. I ordered a few pictures from Walmart.com. I still need to get some updated family pictures from various people, but I’ll wait until after the family wedding this week, because I suspect we’ll get some new pictures!

Garage. Started. I swept out the car half and threw out some stuff on the other half. We had three boxes left from when we moved six months ago, and I finally took them in the house and put the contents away. there is a box full of trash (moving remnants) in the garage. I put half of it in the garbage for pick up this morning, and hopefully they will get the rest of it next week. I’m excited to get the garbage out of the garage! It look so much better!

Dining room deco. Attempted. I went to HomeGoods and looked for some decoration for the shelf. But they only had Halloween decorations, so I gave up on that. The shelf is, I think, too high for a picture or vase. What do I put up there?

It doesn’t sound like very much progress when I write it out, but I hope to be motivated to keep projects going. I’m so proud of my lovely house!

Six Months Already

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Six months ago, we closed on our new house. We moved in shortly thereafter. Now that we’re settled, it really about time I share the pictures of the inside. In fact, I can’t believe it’s already been six months.

Since January 29, we had the wood floors refinished, completely replaced the roof, and moved in. We have all the framed artwork that we own up on the walls. The wonderful thing is there are so many walls that we still have space left for more!

Note: Wow, this post ended up long. No hard feelings if you don’t want to read it all. 🙂

Since Ryan is back to traveling starting this week, I’d determined to get back on a regular schedule of cleaning the house. No more excuses, despite the summer weather. My goal is that every Thursday I spend the entire day getting the house ready for his return, including:

  • sweeping (which should be a daily task) and mopping the hardwood floors
  • cleaning the bathrooms, including the counters, mirrors, floors, toilets, and tubs/showers
  • scrubbing the kitchen counters and emptying the sink, including the microwave
  • dusting the living, family room, and bedroom
  • vacuuming all the carpet (there isn’t very much of it)
  • cleaning my office desk (I tend to pile things on it; this isn’t really for Ryan’s sake but rather for my own)

I started this morning, entertained Visiting Teachers for an hour, and was done by 3 p.m. (including taking 1 1/2 hours of Paul’s nap time).  Paul was very “helpful” when he’s awake. In addition to regular cleaning, I want to do one other major or minor house project a week.

Expensive House Projects

If I consider how much money we spent on floors, a new roof, and moving, certainly I could get a lot more basic house maintenance done in the next six months too!

  • A new water softener (very urgent; my hands are chapped)
  • Repaint the garage door (it was paint balled this week, and the bright orange paint won’t come off)
  • A new dryer (ours is slowly dying, so the next six months will probably bring this needed appliance)
  • Repaint all trim on house exterior (optional, I suppose, but it’s looking bad)
  • Re-seal and repaint the house exterior (optional, I hope)

A Tour of My House

Entry

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I’m pretty happy with the main entry to my house. I love it, in fact. Do you think the entryway needs a little console table under the picture of Christ? Maybe I’d put one to the side under the other picture in the hall (not pictured here). Except, I don’t want it to become a place to set things. Not cool. I just like the look of console tables. This is a dream, not a project.

Powder Room

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I love the long counter in here! Project: This bathroom needs a photo or picture over the toilet. What kind of a picture does one put in a bathroom? Does the picture of Christ on the counter look odd?

Living Room

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This room is so comfortable. It’s a non-play room, so I feel I can keep it clean and tidy for more than an afternoon. A few weeks ago, we finally put up our three picture shelves. Project: I need to get extended family pictures and frames to put on the shelf.

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I love this book case, and it works for now. Dream: A larger, taller case with glass doors.

Dining Room

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When the extra leaf is in the table, it makes this room very crowded. We only eat here when we have company though, so it’s okay, I guess. Except we never want to take out the leaf.

  • Project: I need something appropriate for that large, long shelf. It can’t weight too much, and it’s a bit high, so I can’t decide what would look nice at that level.
  • Project: New light fixture. This one has two light bulbs broken inside it, and we can’t get them out. Looks rather tacky.

Kitchen

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I love my kitchen. It’s probably my favorite room, just because it’s so comfortable. When it’s clean, I just get goosebumps as I walk in to it. I love the granite countertops.

  • Project: Rearrange drawers so more of the utensils can be put away. I don’t like having so many utensils on the counter, but I do like having them accessible when I need them! I actually have three drawers empty, but they are the drawers by the glass cabinets — not a useful spot when I’m in the middle of cooking.
  • Project: Get our knives sharpened. (I’m reading a book about it right now, so I’m already working on this project.)
  • Dream: Find a better home for the ice cream maker and bread maker. It’s too bad, but they don’t fit in any cabinets. And they’re heavy.
  • Project: Eat one meal a week on my china. I have it, I should use it, fancy meal or not!

Family Room

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I like this room too. I like the pillows I found for the couch, and that table is actually a chest for hiding Paul’s toys.

  • Project: Set up keyboards (they were disconnected a few weeks ago).
  • Project: Do something nice on the mantle. I had family pictures there, but now I think I’m going to move them to the other room.
  • Project: Reorganize DVDs in binders (these are in the drawer of the cabinet.)
  • Dream: Add a shelf to the cabinet in this room. It was a TV cabinet that we got used. I’ve tried to affix a shelf inside the top half, but I can’t. Alas.

Master Bedroom/Bathroom

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I like this room too. Really, I just love my house overall.

  • Project: We have a large armoire that we got used. The doors have come off (the holes are stripped), so I need to sand them, fill them, and re-drill the holes. This will be a big project, I think.
  • Project: Recalk master shower. It’s not bad, yet, but every week when I clean it, I think that’s what it really needs: more caulking.
  • Project: Do the ironing. (We keep the ironing board set up in our room.)

My Office

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I don’t have any project in here, other than getting pictures on the wall (a very low priority). When we first moved in, I had my books in alphabetical order (fiction) and Dewey Decimal order (nonfiction). I’m a geek. Needless to say, it didn’t last long with Paul to help reorganize it.

I didn’t really know how cluttered my bookshelves are until I take pictures of them! It looks pretty messy.

Ryan’s Office

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Ryan’s office is quite and lonely when he’s gone, especially since he’d been working from home for so long. Paul likes to sit in the chair in the corner and read his books. If there are any projects for this room, I don’t know about them!

Paul’s room looks the same as in his tour a few months ago. Other projects include more pictures on the walls, especially in the hall, and recaulk the tub in the hall. Fun, fun, fun!

Okay, I know that was more than you wanted to know. But now I feel really good about the prospects for the coming six months! We’ll see how much we get done.

(Oh wait, I forgot the yard! For another day….)

Simple Pleasures

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It lasted about 20 seconds.

It had been a typical Monday. He was whiny from his sleep-deprived weekend. He was frustrated, bursting in to tears over the smallest things. But now, newly awakened from a refreshing nap, he was running in the back yard, chasing a ball, swinging, and otherwise being happy.

It was a beautiful afternoon, with the puffy cumulus clouds dotting the uncharacteristically blue sky. A light breeze kept the temperature around 70 degrees, which was perfect for an afternoon in the yard.

My son looked and pointed at the sky, maybe seeing another airplane or a bird. I told him about cloud shapes, and called him over to look with me. I lay down in the grass, and he toddled over and lay down beside me, his one-year-old head resting against my arm and shoulder. As I pointed up at the sky, he giggled and burbled along, pointing upward towards the clouds.

And that is why I stay home with him every day: to lie down in the grass and look at the clouds with him for 20 seconds every now and then. It’s all worth it.

Why I Stay Home

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It lasted about 20 seconds.

It had been a typical Monday. He was whiny from his sleep-deprived weekend. He was frustrated, bursting in to tears over the smallest things. But now, newly awakened from a refreshing nap, he was running in the back yard, chasing a ball, swinging, and otherwise being happy.

It was a beautiful afternoon, with the puffy cumulus clouds dotting the uncharacteristically blue sky. A light breeze kept the temperature around 70 degrees, which was perfect for an afternoon in the yard.

Paul looked and pointed at the sky, maybe seeing another airplane or a bird. I told him about cloud shapes, and called him over to look with me. I lay down in the grass, and he toddled over and lay down beside me, his one-year-old head resting against my arm and shoulder. As I pointed up at the sky, he giggled and burbled along, pointing towards the clouds.

And that is why I stay home with him every day: to lie down in the grass and look at the clouds with him for 20 seconds every now and then. It’s all worth it.